Dear Kathy,
My aunt is a really mean person and I hate being around her. I would completely avoid her except for the fact that I’m close to my cousin, who I don’t get to see often because she lives so far away. We went to the same school until she moved. Even though we’re in different high schools now, we’ve stayed tight.
Last week, my cousin told me that her family is coming down for Thanksgiving and staying at my grandmother’s house. She really wants to see me and I want to see her, too, but I can’t deal with my aunt.
She and my mom are sisters and they haven’t spoken to each other in years. So, if I go see my cousin I have to go by myself. I’m worried that my aunt will be mean to me. My mom is concerned for me, too. She thinks I shouldn’t go. My aunt won’t let my cousin visit me at our place because she doesn’t talk to my mother. What do you think I should do?
Sincerely,
“Shellie”
Dear “Shellie,”
The holiday season is a great time to let bygones be bygones and repair relationships. How sad for you and your cousin not to be able to enjoy each others company because of your mothers’ problems with one another! And how sad for your grandmother to miss out on a holiday with both of her daughters and their families together!
I advise you to speak with your grandmother so the two of you can put your heads together to help resolve some of these problems. Consider writing your aunt a letter telling her that it is important to you to have a good relationship with everyone in the family, including her. Follow your letter up with a phone call or Skype session.
Avoid discussing the past - who did or said what to whom is irrelevant at this point. What’s done is done. Keep the focus on moving forward in your lives. Once you’ve settled things, refrain from gossiping about your aunt. To truly move forward, it’s imperative that you view her in as realistically positive a light as you can.
Happy Holidays,
Kathy
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