Dear Kathy,
My mother-in-law is causing a lot of problems in my marriage. I have always treated her with respect but she doesn’t treat me the same way. She criticizes everything about me, especially my housekeeping and parenting. She even comments on the baby weight I haven’t lost yet even though I had a baby just a few months ago.
I dread her visits. My husband says that he’s fine with not inviting her over anymore but I’m a Christian and I know I should turn the other cheek and forgive her. No matter how hard I try I just can’t deal with her behavior. I am on edge when I see her because I want the house and the kids to be perfect so she won’t criticize anything. My husband and I always end up fighting because I’m so stressed-out whenever she’s over. I am dreading the holidays this year. Any advice?
The Grinch
Dear Mom,
Firstly, search your own heart. Are you overly sensitive? Do you have unresolved issues with a critical parent yourself? Give your mother-in-law the benefit of the doubt and, when the timing feels right, have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Let her know that you respect her as a person and value her opinion. There may be hurt feelings on both sides. Perhaps she is trying to be helpful and blissfully unaware how her comments are affecting you. Process your feelings with a good friend, spiritual mentor, or therapist.
Once you have taken your own inventory regarding the relationship and reached out to her in a kind and respectful manner, the ball is in her court. She can either meet you half-way to establish a positive connection or she can continue to criticize you. If she chooses the latter, I suggest that you limit your time together and structure it so that it is more tolerable. For example. have your husband take the kids to her home for visits and see her for a limited time on or around the holidays. When dealing with difficult people, less is more.
Happy Holidays,
Kathy
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