More Grief Than I Can Handle!

November 10, 2014 Updated: April 23, 2016

Dear Kathy,

     A wonderful young man whom I’ve known since he was a little boy was recently shot and killed for no good reason. He was only in his early twenties and he had a beautiful little girl.

    His daughter played some of the music at his funeral and my heart was full of grief to see that. He should have been there to cheer her on at her school events, she shouldn’t have been there to say good-bye to him at his casket.

     So many young Black men, solid men who do the right thing, have been killed in my neighborhood for no good reason except that they were standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. We can’t even get life insurance for our sons because their life span is expected to be shortened by violence.

     I am so full of anxiety and grief that I can’t handle it. My skin crawls when my phone rings. Is it going to be more devastating news? Another tragic loss? How can I make sense of all this?



Dear Grace,

     Please accept my deepest condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. I suggest that you contact your local police precinct and request a list of their resources for victims of violent crime. Decide whether you would be more comfortable speaking to a grief counselor one-on-one or joining a group of others who have been impacted by the violent death of someone close to them.

     There are no easy answers, Grace. However, it is imperative that you process your thoughts and feelings in order to move forward in life. Hope and joy still exist beyond the grief and once you have worked through your anguish, you will once again be able to love and laugh. Please keep me updated on your situation. My heart goes out to you.

All my best,