Live For Yourself, Not Others

December 31, 2014 Updated: April 23, 2016

Pre-packaged emotions fill every single mind, not so different from how a man finds himself lying to himself to please his own need for self-gratification. The bouts of loneliness that make up the lives of many people, is something that is hidden away from sight under the image of life, under the image of man and his sense of joy, and activities. Ask yourself, what is a person’s life mostly made up of, if not his/her work?

We think of achievement and success as the pictures of millionaires on their yachts. The pictures of people enjoying themselves in groups with their friends, the pictures of travel, and those of fame. Yet, have you asked yourself if this is truly what success looks like? Behind these superficial images, we forget of the countless hours the millionaire spent working to achieve his wealth, we forget of the countless hours that a man has put in working, alone, away from the world to achieve the ability to show share in success, and travel the world. When one thinks of happiness, he should think of his work, when one thinks of his achievements he should think of the times when he worked into the early light of morning.

This is what success looks like. Not an image of women enjoying themselves on their irrational whims in some venue, but of the woman who is slouched at her desk working with the knowledge that her happiness is not found in that of others, but only in her ability to create. It is not an image of men surrounded by ten models who are there for his wealth, but of a man who is with the woman he loves, who is there for his value and ability. Yet we live in a world where value is no longer the sole factor of appreciation.

People see the man who is surrounded by countless friends, many of whom have no real relation to him as an individual who is successful, but they see the man who has worked alone to build the wonders that make up our world, and the inventions that surround us, as a man who does not know what life is about. They are the people who believe that one’s time must be spent on other people, and not one’s self. They are the ones who believe in popularity, and that if others like you, then you have succeed regardless of the lack of quality in your work, in your values and integrity. Those who view popularity as an important indicator are usually those who lack any sense of self-esteem, and need the approval of others. 

The man who is quick to judge someone on the friends he has, is a man who places greater value on the opinions of other men, than that of his own. He is the one who finds it necessary to show himself surrounded by others, in hopes of making others believe that he is worth something as others want to be around him. This phenomena which is prevalent in social media, is best exemplified by when a man posts a picture of himself surrounded by others in a public venue, inebriated, in the hopes of finding acceptance from others, by showing that he is popular. Yet, when a man presents a picture of achievement it is no where as important in the public eyes, only to those few who understand the value of ability, and the value of his work.

Another pertinent example is when someone describes a person as popular, one which has many friends, but the fact that he holds a mediocre job as a till boy is unimportant. Yet, when the engineer who strives to mold the world around him, and create that which his genius allows him does not need the whims of friends, his lifestyle is attacked, he is called anti-social, and is looked down upon, regardless of the fact that his mind might have designed the bridges we use, the buildings we see, the world that surrounds us.

We live in an age of anti-value. The value of a person is not seen in his/her ability, but in the way others perceive that ability. Not in his/her achievements, but in the way others see those achievements. It is not seen in the way that person lives his life, but in the people that happen to have the privilege to be in his life. This is the cause of a collective mentality that has plagued our social structure, yet it is the product of the lack of self-esteem, the lack of confidence in oneself. To judge man on his friends, is to partake in arbitrary devaluation of oneself, and the meaning of the individual.

It is for this reason why the only friendships that have any meaning are those based on values, not on whims of the need to find approval by engaging in meaningless social situations. Fun for these type of people is an orgy of approval seeking. They surround themselves with people they do not know, in the hopes of finding approval, and then later speak of it to others in order to gain more approval. Is this the making of a man, or a child? When someone tells you there is more to life than your work, and the person you love, ask them what it is. They will give you an irrational answer of being with other people, not achieving something for themselves.

When were you at your happiest? When you spent your time needlessly out in a bar celebrating nothing at all or of any consequence, or when you achieved your greatest dream, a job, got in the school you wanted, found the person you loved? When you went out with others to celebrate your achievement, was it not more enjoyable? This is the reality of our situation, we form the best relationships with people, and we can be most social when we have a purpose, when we share values, not in the appreciation of meaningless anti-value. We are meant to live for ourselves, not others.