Frenemies

Dear Kathy,

     My daughter and my friend’s daughter have been friends since they were toddlers. Until lately, they were either gabbing on the phone to each other or begging us to make plans so they could see each other. Over the past year there has been friction between them. Since my daughter started high school she has enlarged her social circle and is irritated by her friend’s constant calling and texting. She told me that she just wants to be friends, not best friends.

     My friend’s daughter doesn’t have other friends and she’s very insecure. I think she’s overly dependent on the friendship and I think the break is good for both girls. I also think that they should work this situation about between them without involving us. My friend totally disagrees with me and is pressuring me to bring my daughter over to their house to talk things out. Lately, every time we talk to each other over the phone, she ignores how I feel and hounds me for a day and time to come over for this meeting. I need some advice about handling this situation.

Pressured

 

Dear Pressured,

     I think that you should stick to your guns - let the girls work it out. The more that your friend’s daughter pursues your child, the more that your daughter will pull away. If you start applying pressure, too, your daughter may sever the friendship completely. I suggest that you talk to your friend one-on-one while your children are at school. Share your feelings about the importance of allowing your soon-to-be-adult girls to handle their relationship independently and suggest ways in which your friend can help her daughter expand her own social circle. Perhaps a social skills group may be helpful to her daughter.

     If your friend refuses to respect your point of view and continues to pressure you, I suggest that you stand up for yourself kindly, but firmly. Your maternal instincts are spot on! Let me know how things work out.

Good luck,

Kathy