Dear Kathy,
I spent New Year’s Day in a terrible fight with my husband. Our daughter, “Evie,” is 15 years old and pregnant. She is a good student and a nice girl, but very immature.
She met a boy in a chat room on the internet, dated him behind our backs, and developed an intimate relationship with him. He already broke up with her by the time we figured out she was pregnant.
Evie is due to deliver next month and my husband is adamant that she place her son for adoption. He gave her an ultimatum: either she makes an adoption plan or she moves out.
Evie is very opposed to an adoption plan and I’m in the middle of the two of them, again. I feel very torn - on the one hand, she’s not ready to be a mother.
If she keeps the baby and remains in our home, my husband and I will be the ones raising our grandson. Neither of us is up to that challenge - we both work full-time, I have some health challenges, and we’re not young people anymore.
On the other hand, she’s only 15 years old. I can’t allow my husband to just throw her and the baby into the street. I couldn’t live with myself if I went along with that.
Evie is our only daughter and the baby she’s caring is our grandson. I feel as though adoption seems like the easiest answer for all of us in the short run but it will be emotionally devastating, especially for Evie, in the long run. How do I handle this situation? What is the best solution for our family?
Sincerely,
“Sheila”
Dear Sheila,
It sounds as though you are dealing with this very painful, difficult situation alone. I suggest that you reach out to an adoption counselor and talk out your feelings.
The decision that your family makes regarding this baby will affect all of you, and him, for the rest of your lives. It is imperative that you invite an expert in these matters into your situation to mediate your discussions, keeping them proactive.
Many other families have walked this road before you. An adoption counselor can present you with various options which have worked for other families and guide you in the direction of the solution that will best serve your family and this new baby.
Open adoption would allow Evie to remain part of her son’s life while enjoying her high school years. Raising the baby in an alternate living situation would allow Evie to raise her son as well as permit you to be grandparents, instead of de facto parents. There are a lot of options.
Reach out for help as soon as possible so that you have some type of plan in place for Evie and her baby before he enters the world next month. Please let me know how things work out.
All my best,
Kathy
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