Dear Kathy,
I was in a group chat with my friends and some other people my friends know. One of my friends made a joke about me that some guy I don’t know commented on. This guy sent me a ;] and I called him a name, just joking around. I figured he'd understand that I was just kidding. He totally misinterpreted what I said and he started cursing me out and telling me that I “chose my fate,” whatever that means. I’m really nervous because he says he knows where I live. He also said that he was going to cut me. Should I be worried or am I overreacting? I’m afraid to leave the house tomorrow. Could this guy really know who I am and where I live? My picture and my first name were visible to everyone in the chat room. I thought they were all people who I knew or people that my friends knew, so I felt safe. I’m totally freaked out now. What should I do?
Nervous in NYC
Dear Nervous,
Sitting in our own respective homes chatting with people whom we can’t see and who can’t see us feels completely anonymous, and therefore safe. However, feelings are not facts. The fact is that the internet creates a false sense of safety. Befriending someone in cyberspace is based on the assumption that this nameless, faceless person is presenting himself/herself with the same honesty and integrity with which you are. That assumption can be dangerous, as you have discovered.
Someone with evil intent can easily use the information you freely provide about yourself to stalk you, over the internet or even in person. You shared that your name and picture are visible to the people in this chat room. The first thing that I suggest is that you remove both your real name and your picture from your profile immediately. Then, log onto the website for the chat room and contact the moderator. Explain what transpired between you and this person, providing as much personal information about him as you can. If at all possible, cut and paste the conversation between the two of you into the e-mail which you send the moderator. Ideally, the moderator of the site will ban him from the chat room in the future as well as provide you with safety guidelines regarding cyberfriending people in the future. Share these guidelines with both your real-life and virtual friends.
If your conversation with the site’s moderator does not put your mind at ease, you might want to consider contacting local law enforcement. For future reference, post internet safety guidelines in a commom area of your home. Periodically read them over and stay safe. Please update me on your situation at [email protected].
Readers, please feel free to share your own experiences on this or any related topic. Although I am unable to post every letter which I receive, I do read all of them and it is a pleasure hearing from you!
