Co-dependent and Miserable

January 7, 2014 Updated: April 24, 2016

Dear Kathy,

     My husband is an active alcoholic and I am hopelessly co-dependent. I recently read a book a friend loaned me and recognized the truth – my entire life revolves around what my husband does, says, and thinks.

     What do I do now? I can’t seem to stop myself from making us both miserable. I want to get on with my life, not be co-dependent to someone else. Please help me!


Dear Dora,

     There is always hope, especially for people who want to change. I give you a lot of credit for recognizing your issue as well as your willingness to confront it.

     My first piece of advice is to join Al-Anon. Visit a few different groups and find one that is a good fit for you. I guarantee that you will find kindred spirits dealing with very similar issues.

     Al-Anon recommends books and resources to its participants. Keep reading and you will increase your knowledge base regarding your relationship with your husband. No one has to settle for being co-dependent.

     Consider seeing a couples therapist, if your husband is willing. Seek a therapist that can offer you both individual sessions, as well. Living with an active alcoholic is not easy, which I’m sure I don’t have to tell you.

     I wish you all the best. Please keep me updated on your situation.

All my best,


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