Cheating and Lying Husband

Dear Kathy,

I recently discovered, completely by accident, that my husband of six years is going out on dates with other women and has been lying to me about it throughout our whole marriage! He travels for work and when he goes to the Northeast, where he lived until we married, he makes plans with female “friends,” some of whom are women he has dated in the past.

He insists that these women are just “friends” and that he kept me in the dark about his activities because he knew I would over-react. He called me “jealous” and “out-of-control.” I am enraged about all of it - the cheating, the lying, and especially his blaming me for his misdeeds. What should I do?

“Nakeema”

Dear Nakeema,

I suggest that you give yourself a few days for your blood pressure to come down to normal. Then, open your mind to the possibility that your husband’s relationships are indeed innocent. This frame of mind will allow you to hear him out without putting him on the defensive. What you need right now is more information about these friendships.

If he shares openly and is transparent regarding his activities in the future, including Facebook and texts, I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Consider some couples therapy. Working on the relationship between the two of you is the best defense against infidelity.

All my best,

               Kathy