Baby’s Death

February 18, 2014 Updated: April 24, 2016

Dear Kathy,

     I gave birth to a little girl with a heart defect. She lived for five days before she passed. We are devastated by our loss. Almost as bad as losing “Hannah” has been the insensitive remarks and behavior from others.

     My aunt told me that it was better to lose her as a newborn “before we got too attached to her.” A family friend told me I should be grateful that I know I can get pregnant because I can have another child right away. Equally painful, some of my close friends and even family members have completely backed away from my husband and me. What is wrong with people??

Grieving Mom

Dear Grieving Mom,

     I am so sorry for your loss. In the face of tragedy, people are often at a loss for what to say or do. Some say the wrong thing and yet others say nothing. Try not to take it personally, it’s not you. Again, I am so sorry for what you’re going through.

     Reach out to those who are there for you and speak appropriate words of comfort. Additionally, consider asking your obstetrician for some grief counseling resources. I encourage you to join a group for parents who have experienced similarly devastating situations. Actively surround yourself with a caring circle of people who understand your pain.

All my best,