Commentary
After years of leaving my children at home—or bringing the one still breastfeeding along with me to work—the unexpected gift of losing my California restaurants and watching the bureaucratic state collapse around me was this: I got to redesign my life. For the first time, I could be home with my children, even if I was still working.
But the truth is, I still cannot “have it all.” My 2-year-old often falls to the ground screaming when I walk out the door for a podcast, to check on the restaurant, or to help my husband with something on the farm. Handing a sobbing child to someone else while shutting the door behind you is one of the most painful things a mother can do. And when people say, “you can have it all,” they never tell you what it feels like to walk away when, from your child’s perspective, you are their entire world.
The honesty of children is something adults could learn from. They say what they need without shame: Hold me. Snuggle me. Don’t leave. I need you. Imagine if adults had the same courage—to say, “I feel sad, will you hold my hand? Stay with me.” Somewhere along the way, we lost that kind of vulnerability. And sometimes I wonder: am I teaching my children to lose it too, when I walk away from their cries in order to keep up with the commitments of life and work?
The False Promise of ‘Having It All’
Modern feminism told women we could have it all: career, motherhood, fulfillment. But the truth is, women are often left divided between survival and mothering. At best, we are stretched thin. At worst, feminism encourages women to avoid motherhood altogether. Too many of my girlfriends, once focused on career and independence, now find themselves in their late 30s and 40s facing accidental childlessness. The biological clock ran out before they even had the chance to begin.
By the grace of God, I was able to have my children later in life, but I do not take that blessing for granted. Our culture rarely warns women about how narrow that window can be. Instead, we feed them the illusion that children can wait—that everything else should come first.
And then there is the economy, which makes even the desire to prioritize family nearly impossible. The money-slave system we live under demands its pound of flesh. In most households today, two incomes aren’t optional—they’re required. The dream of a one-income household, where a mother could stay home with her children, has been priced out of reach.
