Dr. Haider said, “Even these simple changes in the way we communicate can have profound effects on the person who has an illness.”
His words brought on a minor epiphany, opening my eyes once again to what I already knew but had so often failed to practice: How we choose and frame our words can be as important as what we say. Dr. Haider wished to instill confidence and well-being in his patients. How many times, I wondered, has my word choice, tone of voice, or demeanor—a shrug, a casual chuckle—negatively colored my speech? On the other hand, how often had the words of a loved one or an acquaintance unintentionally stung me because of their packaging and delivery?
It then struck me that Dr. Haider’s technique might easily be conveyed beyond a hospital examining room—in the workplace or a marriage, when dealing with children, or conversing at the kitchen table with family and friends. Had we not blurted out some abrupt reply to a question by a fellow worker, had we held our tongues while Uncle Bill ranted about the latest headlines, had we offered kindness rather than snark when our spouse failed to pay a bill on time, we might have brought healing rather than harm.
The framework we build around our words also sends a message. A mother comforts a crying child as much by her soothing touch as by verbal affection. The cheery bounce in the step of a fellow employee assigned a task plays a duet to his “I’ll get right to it.” A young checker at the self-service aisle in my local grocery store says “Have a good day” to customers, but it’s her bright eyes and big smile that give a little oomph to their spirits.
Some studies have found that the average person speaks between 7,000 and 10,000 words per day. While it’s true that only a fraction of them are spoken in conversations of consequence, perhaps we should try to multiply these verbal booster shots for the spirit. Most likely, many of our fellow beings are more in need of that tender care than we imagine.
