Commentary
The last day we didn’t have a gun on the farm, I watched two sheep bleed out while my husband stood empty-handed. That moment ended my illusions about guns forever.
It was 2018. I was nursing my baby on the porch when my uncle came racing in a golf cart toward the property where our sheep were grazing. I knew something was wrong and followed with my children and assistant. What we found was devastation: two German shepherds had torn through the entire flock, killing for sport, not food. Two sheep were still alive, bleeding out in the dirt.
My husband—who had grown up in Mexico, where owning a gun is almost impossible—looked at me with frustration. We had no firearm to end their suffering. We had to knock on our neighbor’s door and ask to borrow one. This was unfair to the suffering sheep and unfair to my husband, to be put in that position. That was the last day we didn’t have a gun on the farm. Well—one of the last days, since in California there’s a 10-day waiting period after background checks.
I hadn’t always seen guns this way. I was raised in a world of magical thinking—the belief that guns were unnecessary, that if we simply put them down and loved one another, peace would follow. I was taught that Jesus was 100 percent nonviolent, that “turn the other cheek” meant absolute pacifism, and that Christ-like consciousness was best reflected through unconditional love. And at a spiritual level, I still believe that is the highest ideal for humanity. But we are not there yet.
I grew up in Ithaca, New York, went to college in Los Angeles, and ran a vegan restaurant for 15 years in the heart of L.A. In that world, guns were not tools. They were threats. My “wasband” still resents me for forbidding him to pick up his handgun after the 10-day background check was over. To this day, he jokes that I “owe him a handgun.” And the truth is, I do owe him a handgun—I was unreasonable.
But life on the farm changed everything.
Since that day, firearms have become part of daily life—for putting down an injured animal, for harvesting animals for my family’s consumption, for defending livestock against predators, for hunting, for target practice, and, yes, for self-defense. And if I’m completely honest, I still flinch at the sound of a shot. I still carry old programming from my childhood—fear, anxiety, the belief that guns are inherently bad. But I am retraining myself, and raising my children with a different understanding.
My children are learning that firearms are not toys, not symbols of power, but tools. They see the respect we give them, the responsibility we require around them, and the discipline it takes to use them correctly. I want them to grow up without the fear that I carried into adulthood, but also without the recklessness that so many parents worry about when guns are in the home. The middle ground is respect—and training.
Because the quiet truth is this: self-defense, hunting, and animal husbandry are good reasons to own a firearm, but they are not the reason we have the Second Amendment.
The Second Amendment was not written to protect deer hunting. It was written to protect citizens against tyranny. Our Founding Fathers had just escaped it. They put free speech first, and right after that came the right to bear arms. Not because they loved sport, but because they knew government cannot be trusted with unchecked power.
People love to say, “Well, the military has jets and tanks.” That may be true, but it misses the point. Civilians in this country own nearly 400 million firearms — about 99 percent of all guns in America. The U.S. military, by comparison, has around 4.5 million small arms. They don’t have enough tanks and jets to “take us all out” at the same time. That enormous civilian stockpile of arms is the only thing standing between us and the last shred of freedom guaranteed by the Constitution. It was written into the Second Amendment for a reason.
And here’s the other thing we don’t think about often enough: The government should have no ability to infringe on our Second Amendment rights. The very purpose of the Second Amendment is that we the people maintain a defense against tyranny. It is against the government itself that we are meant to hold arms, as a guarantee of freedom. It is utterly counterintuitive to allow the very institution our guns are meant to protect us from to also have the authority to strip away those rights in any shape or form.
Today, digital IDs, programmable dollars, and mass surveillance are all on the horizon. My question is: Do we trust the government and criminals to be the only ones with guns? Because make no mistake—criminals will always have them, regardless of legality.
This is where I see a strange contradiction in our culture. Many who believe the government is corrupt, unfair, or even tyrannical are the same people calling for only the government to have guns. Some even compare current leaders to Hitler—yet want to disarm the very citizens who might resist such tyranny. If you think the system is stacked against you, why would you choose to be defenseless?
I believe with all my heart that unconditional love is the answer, that Christ is the answer, that being the best parent you can be—creating what I call the other holy trinity: father, mother, child—is our strongest defense against evil. Love and family are the foundation. But I also want the secondary defense of firearms, of a citizenry of strong men and women willing to defend their country and their homes.
I don’t trust the government, no matter which party is in charge. Power corrupts, and no man or institution is above temptation. My faith is not in politicians; my faith is in God. And while love may be the highest calling, until we reach that place of perfect peace, I will not lay down the tools that keep my family and my freedom safe.
