A professor of adolescent and educational psychology in the Department of Education at Wake Forest University, Ms. Nielsen does an excellent job of conveying the many ways in which the dads of America are being affected by negative stereotypes and unfounded assumptions. Using the most recent research, Ms. Nielsen shows the many ways in which baseless beliefs take their toll on both the physical and mental well-being of fathers and their offspring.
Why is this the case? As Ms. Nielsen shows, many men subscribe to the dangerous belief that “real men” don’t need to take too much time off.
“The fact that so many Americans are held captive by these baseless beliefs helps explain why many American fathers do not take paternity leave even though their company offers it,” she writes. “These fathers say they are worried that if they take time off, their families will pay the price down the road. Though their employer might have an official leave policy, many men worry how their bosses or co-workers really feel about their taking leave.”
The author expertly demonstrates that these fears are intimately associated with a number of societal myths that refuse to die: for example, it’s widely believed that the biggest contribution a father can make to his child is financial. This isn’t true. This belief ties in with the idea that children don’t need their fathers as much as their mothers, especially in their first five years of life. Ms. Nielsen shows that when fathers take paternity leave, both parents experience less stress and less physical exhaustion; they’re also less likely to become clinically depressed in the first 12 months of their baby’s life.
Ms. Nielson’s analysis also shows that couples are more likely to still be married five years on. In short, money is important, but it’s not everything. A father can contribute not just financially, but also physically, psychologically, and emotionally.
As Ms. Nielsen shows, the idea that women possess a maternal instinct, which men lack, is both erroneous and dangerous. To be clear, a loving mother is vital to her child’s well-being. But so, too, is the love, dedication, and emotional and physical availability of the biological father.
“There’s no such thing as maternal instinct,” she writes. “First-time mothers do not instinctively know how to take care of a baby—which is why they turn to the internet, books, relatives, and nannies for motherhood mentoring. Mothering skills are learned, not instinctive.”
The same, of course, is true for fathers. The author shows that when mothers and fathers work in unison, the family thrives.
The maternal instinct myth, she warns, “benefits no one—not the mom, or the dad or the baby.”
“The mom needs a full-fledged parenting partner, not a self-doubting sidekick. And the baby needs a fully engaged, confident father.”
This, notes the Fatherly piece, “is most acutely felt by teenage daughters,” who are less likely to be sexually promiscuous “if they have strong relationships with their dads.”
It’s rare these days to find a book passionately defending men. The fact that it’s written by a female author makes it exceptionally rare. The book serves as a wake-up call for parents. It also serves as a wake-up call for the many students of gender studies and psychology, as well as professionals in the fields of medicine, family law, social work, child development, education, advertising, media, and the world of entertainment who subscribe to harmful myths involving the fathers of America and beyond.
