Phone Bots
A decade ago, voice mail bots would say “I‘ll record your message now,” and “I’ll try that number” as if “they” were real people and there was really an “I.” Now voice synthesized bots, especially with airlines and tech companies, want a whole conversation. Elevating the “I” that doesn’t exist to a conversational partner they now say “I didn’t catch that—can you say it again?” and “I thought you just said... is that right?”
It is tempting to verbally abuse these poseurs. But of course, they can’t be insulted. When you say “Go to hell” they'll say “I’m sorry we’re having trouble. I thought you said Wisconsin Dells?” Continue your tirade against them they will say, “Nantucket? Did you say you want to travel to Nantucket?”
Waitstaff Soliloquys
How many times have you looked forward to a conversation with a dinner or lunch companion only to get an unwanted speech at your table courtesy of waitstaff? “Tonight we feature a blanched, lanced, pureed pate basted in caramelized seasonal acorns.....”? Do deliverers of these tableside filibusters think we can’t read? And if they are going to orally deliver the food choices, why even have a menu?
