This isn’t going to be one of those sentimental Father’s Day articles, even though that’s what I would prefer. This article will have a bit of an edge to it. Please excuse my bluntness, but fatherhood is serious business, and for me to sugarcoat or evade the truth about it would benefit nobody.
Here goes: What does my peculiar title mean? Aren’t all fathers men? No, they are not. All fathers are male, but not all fathers are men. Maleness is a biological identity, a physical reality, a matter of hormones and organs. Manliness, on the other hand, is a matter of character, an intangible quality, a demonstrated achievement of maturity that not all adult males attain.
It’s a socioeconomic fact that one of the two leading causes of long-term poverty in the United States is for women to bear children out of wedlock. (The other leading cause is failing to complete high school.) For a male to use a lover for a few moments of pleasure and then abandon her to a lifetime of poverty because he doesn’t want the responsibilities of fatherhood is cruelly selfish. Don’t do it, fellows. There’s no excuse for an unplanned pregnancy in this day and age. If you don’t want to marry your lover and be the dad of a family, then don’t get her pregnant. And don’t kid yourself: If she accidentally gets pregnant, it isn’t just “her fault”; you are 50 percent responsible (possibly more, depending on your conduct).
Fatherhood is one of life’s most momentous choices. Males can become men by accepting the responsibilities of fatherhood, by marrying the woman they have impregnated, and committing themselves to full-time partnership in raising, teaching, and financially supporting their offspring. Alternatively, males can opt for bachelorhood, “freedom” (from responsibility), and let their lover bear the psychological and financial cost of intimacy.
My Dad
I can vouch for the irreplaceable role a dad plays in a child’s life. “Pop,” my uncle, gave my mother and me a home in the absence of my biological father (who passed away in an accident). Pop was a man in the fullest sense of the word—hardworking, unselfish, always willing to serve above and beyond the call of duty. In addition to giving more than a decade of his life in hazardous military and military-related service to his country (no desk jobs for Pop!), he also committed himself to raising me.Many males would have balked at raising another man’s son. Pop’s thought process would have been this (he never told me, but I know how he thought): Here’s a boy who, through no fault of his own, doesn’t have a father; his mother, my sister-in-law, even though we don’t get along, has neither the income nor skill set nor emotional capability to raise him by herself; ergo, they’ll live with us and I’ll help raise the boy.
The dear teacher I had for first and second grades, Mrs. Talley, told me years later that I was rather undisciplined and unfocused during most of my two years as her pupil. Pop was gone then. He was working in the bleak Arctic, superintending construction of the DEW (Distant Early Warning) Line—the string of radar installations at the northern extreme of the North American continent. According to Mrs. Talley, as soon as Pop’s work was completed and he returned home, I shaped up. Pop set the tone. He enforced standards of right and wrong, and he demanded that I meet his expectations of me. The result? I started to fulfill my potential.
For some men, being a full-time dad to children is the greatest joy in life. For others, it isn’t easy. But to each good man who sticks it out, who loves his children and helps to raise them, you have earned our respect and appreciation. Your work as a dad has blessed your children and strengthened our society. Happy Father’s Day, men!
