In the era of pervasive surveillance reminiscent of Orwellian nightmares, old-school Cold War hacks have staged a comeback, offering a clandestine refuge for the exchange of information.
As Big Brother looms large on every screen, the savvy practitioner must resurrect time-tested techniques to outsmart the puppeteers of miscommunication particularly in the face of impending legal consequences for government-designated purveyors of deceit.
1. Auslan, Elvish, Klingon
Elevate your discourse to heights beyond the reach of prying bureaucrats. There are many mythical languages you can learn that government agents and their goons are unlikely to master, such as conversational Klingon.Start with simple phrases but be careful as a seemingly anodyne statement such as “xɑb ʂoʂ.ˈlɪʔ q͡χut͡ʃ” which is pronounced “Hab SoSlI' Quch” and means “Your mother has a smooth forehead” is, as Star Trek fans know, a grave insult.
It may be worth memorising, “mIpHa‘wI’ vIVumlaH?” (Where can I get a fake vaccine passport?) which is bound to be useful.
2. Combustible Notepaper
Add a combustible notebook to your shopping list.This was used in World War II and contained film that, when triggered by a pencil, would go up in smoke, disappearing in seconds.
3. Cryptography
In the realm of artful communication, classical codes emerge as the silent orchestrators of secrecy. The art of rearranging letters or substituting one for another stands as an age-old technique.Consider the transformation of “The solar panel is booby-trapped” into “Uif tpmbs qbofm jt cppcz usbqqfe,” achieved by a simple letter-by-letter shift.
Julius Caesar used it with a shift of three to communicate with his generals, although messages such as “lchmy nby vfiix izz gs niau” or “rinse the blood off my toga” may have been meant for the local laundromat.
Cryptographic history traces back to ancient Egypt, where the first known code was etched in stone around 1,900 BC. Even the ancient Israelites engaged in the art of Atbash, an early Hebrew code.
For an added layer of protection in these trying times, consider translating conversational Klingon into Abash.
4. The Dead Drop
The dead drop involves putting a message (usually in code) in seemingly innocuous items.Picture hollow coins or, for a touch of Dutch—or is it French?—bravery, a bottle of Bolly.
Coins have limited space but can hold messages in microdots, a writing system developed during the 1870 Franco-Prussian War to lighten the load of carrier pigeons. Even the future Queen Elizabeth found solace in these pigeons for her missives.
The most famous case of a hollow coin being intercepted was when a Russian spy accidentally gave his hollow coin to a newspaper boy.
5. Poetry
Ever thought poetry could be a covert tool? The French Resistance certainly did. They turned verses into codes, using them not just to convey messages but also to spot fellow rebels.One standout piece was “The Life that I Have,” penned by Leo Marks.
6. Pyramid Power
The French Resistance had another trick up its sleeve: the Pyramid structure. This furtive pyramid was built on the notion that members only engaged with one or two comrades.A shroud of secrecy enveloped the organization as no official records of membership were maintained, and messages traversed only through the sacred conduit of whispered exchanges.
The brilliance lay in limiting exposure; enemy infiltrators, at best, could unmask merely two resistance members, leaving the remainder of the organization veiled in safety.
It worked until it didn’t, with the Gestapo insinuating themselves into the command echelons of select resistance groups.
7. Tying Your Shoelaces
Behold the mystique within the magicians’ code, where the simple act of tying shoelaces transcends its pedestrian facade.
Variations in knots carry a covert language, from the ominous “I am going to blow up the wind turbine” to the whimsically perplexing, “The woman standing next to you, I think she likes you.”
Concealing messages in the mundane theatre of daily life remains a timeless strategy.
8. Jack-in-the-Box
In the arsenal of evasive tactics, the Jack-in-the-Box emerges as an unconventional ally, though not necessarily in the realm of communication.A Jack-in-a-Box was used in 1982 by a CIA agent to evade KGB surveillance.
It is a suitcase that hides a dummy that looks like you from the shoulders up.
If you’re in a car chase, just wait for a sharp turn, open the Jack-in-the-Box, and roll out the passenger door. (Once cars are banned, this may not work as well on a bicycle.)
