Tara Condell, 27, who was originally from San Francisco, was found dead in her West Village apartment, the New York Post reported. She was discovered in her bedroom at her home on West 10th Street around 4:30 p.m. on Jan. 30, after police were called to carry out a welfare check.
She didn’t show up for work at the Midtown office of Top Balance Nutrition on the same day.
She apologized to her mom at the end of the note posted to her site, saying, “I’m really sorry mama.”
Her co-workers saw she posted a suicide note after Condell didn’t show up.
“I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life. No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger?” she wrote on her blog.
She added: “No GoFundMes, no funeral, no tributes, no doing-too-much please. All I ask now is for you to have one delicious (I mean a really really great) meal in my honor and let me go, no exceptions.”
Condell ended her note with “I’m really sorry” to her mother, while adding: “I’m coming home, Dad. Make some room up on that cloud and turn the Motown up.”
Sources told the Post that she also left a physical note in a folder in her living room.
She titled the online note, “I Hate The Word ‘Bye,’ But See You Later Maybe?” and then wrote: “I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right. No edits, no overthinking. I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired.”
“I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper. I’m fortunate to eat meals most only imagine. I often travel freely without restriction. I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you’ll always have my heart). However, all these facets seem trivial to me,” Condell wrote.
Having to battle major depression since childhood, and hospitalized multiple times over fear of suicide, my heart is…
She went on to list all the things she would list, including New York Times crosswords, “That one charcuterie board with taleggio AND ‘nduja. Anything Sichuan ma la, but that goes without saying. A perfect plate of carbonara (no cream!). Real true authentic street tacos. Cal-Italian cuisine. Hunan Bistro’s fried rice. The pork belly and grape mini from State Bird Provisions circa 2013. Popeye’s of course. Bambas too.”
Sources told the Post that her body was taken to a medical examiner’s office for an autopsy.
Condell got her bachelor’s degree in dietetics from San Francisco State University and got a master’s in clinical nutrition from New York University, the Post reported.
“Tara was a talented dietitian loved by all of her patients and coworkers,” Maria Bella, who is the founder of Top Balance Nutrition, said of the incident. “But beyond that, she was a true friend who always extended her kindness to those around her.”
In Australia, the suicide prevention telephone hotline at Lifeline is 13 11 14. You can also visit the Lifeline website at lifeline.org.au. Youth can contact the Kids Helpline by phoning 1800 551 800 or visiting headspace.org.au/yarn-safe
If you are in an emergency in the U.S. or Canada, please call 911. You can phone the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1 800 273 8255. Youth can call the Kids Help Phone on 1800 668 6868.