Michael Lester of Winter Haven, Florida, had a really strange New Year’s Eve 2017.
We catch him calling a 911 dispatcher and reporting a DUI. But when the dispatcher asks for more details, Lester’s answer comes as a bit of a surprise.
Here’s how the conversation went:
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What’s the address of your emergency?
Lester: Ehm… All over Winter Haven.
Dispatcher: What’s the address of your emergency right now?
Lester: Eh… I don’t know. I’m too drunk. I don’t know where I’m at.
Dispatcher: Ok. What is it that you’re trying to report sir?
Lester: Eee… Just drunk driving.
Dispatcher: You’re drunk driving right now?
Lester: Yea. All night.
Dispatcher: Ok. Well, can you pull ov-
Lester: I’m actually right in front of police [inaudible] right now [belch].
Dispatcher: Where are you right now?
Lester: I don’t know. I’m too drunk.
Dispatcher: Ok. Well, you need to pull over. Can you pull over for me? Can you pull over for me so I can get an officer to make contact with you? I’m showing that you’re near 140 2nd Street Northwest. Can you look around and see for a sign? What color is your vehicle?
Lester: Yea. That’s right past the police department. But no one’s there, so…
Dispatcher: Sir, what color is your vehicle?
Lester: It is red.
Dispatcher: What kind is it?
Lester: Oh, it’s [inaudible].
Dispatcher: Ok. And where have you pulled over to?
Lester: I don’t know which street this is here but it’s ehm… right past the police station in Winter Haven. Let me ask you a question: Is this the local 911?
Dispatcher: Ok. Sir, I have officers down- No this is Polk County Sheriff’s Office. We dispatch for Winter Haven. And we have a unit coming out to you right now. What is your last name? Your last name sir?
Lester: Ehm… I think I’m going to go get something to eat. They can catch up with me.
Dispatcher: Yea. Sir, what is your last name?
Lester: Is it… Is it… Is it helpful?
Dispatcher: It is very helpful. Yes sir, it is. Where have you been all night?
Lester: Ehm… Driving around. Trying to get pulled over, actually.
Dispatcher: Sir, what-is-your-last-name?
Lester: Ehm, no. I don’t feel like giving that to your right now.
Dispatcher: Ok. You called because you wanted assistance. Are you driving now or did you pull over?
Lester: Nah, I pulled over.
Dispatcher: Ok. What are you next to? Can you look out there and see what you’re near? A landmark? What do you see?
Lester: It’s like silver manor [inaudible].
Dispatcher: Do you need EMS or paramedics?
Lester: No. I need the police department.
Dispatcher: Ok. Well that’s what I’m trying to get to you. So if you can do me a favor and look out. What do you see? Do you see a McDonald’s? Do you see a bank? What do you see?
Lester: I see… the Publix?
Dispatcher: You’re near Publix? Are you in a parking lot?
Lester: No, I’m driving on the wrong side of the road.
Dispatcher: Now you’re driving on the wrong side of the road in which direction?
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you? You really don’t want to hurt-
Lester: All right. Well, you have a nice night.
Dispatcher: Sir? Sir?
Lester: All right. Have a good night.
Dispatcher: Sir? Officers are looking for you right now. I need you to pull over right now.
Lester: I am pulled over. You don’t need to tell me what to do.
Dispatcher: Sir, you called for help. I’m trying to help you. And you’re on the wrong side of the street. You may hurt somebody or yourself.
Lester: Look, I’m parking in the middle of the road.
Dispatcher: No, I don’t want you to park in the middle of the road. I want you to pull into a lot.
Lester: You know what? You don’t have to do this. Either they’re going to do it or not.
Dispatcher: Sir, sir, they’re going to do what or not?
Lester: [Inaudible.] All right. Thank you. [Inaudible.]
“Fortunately, Michael was stopped before anyone got hurt,” the Polk County Sheriff’s Office stated on Facebook. “Michael first told the deputy he had only two beers [standard drunk answer]. Then he changed it to three or four [slightly more accurate]. He also mentioned that he had only slept four hours in the past four days. Oh, and he also said that he had swallowed meth earlier, instead of smoking it.”
It turned out Lester had quite a rap sheet, including a previous DUI, as well as aggravated battery, drug possession, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and a hit-and-run.
“Please folks, let this be a lesson to you that DUI is bad-bad-bad, because unfortunately, Michael is having a hard time learning this lesson,” the sheriff’s office stated.
Here’s the recording of the 911 call.
Listen to what the sheriff had to say: