Hilarious Obit Says Grandpa Survived by ’32 Jars of Miracle Whip, 17 Boxes of Hamburger Helper’

January 30, 2018 Updated: January 30, 2018

The obituary of a DeMotte, Indiana, man who died earlier this month is making a splash online for the humor that one can only imagine characterized his life.

Where most people list their relatives who survived them, the survivors of Terry Wayne Ward, 71, were “32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.”

Listing his hobbies, the obit says he enjoyed “snorkeling,” “ABBA,” “hiking Turkey Run,” “Bed Bath & Beyond,” “starlight mints,” “cold beer,” “free beer,” and “discussing who makes the best pizza,” among other things.

His wife of 48 years, Kathy, who is described as “overly-patient and accepting,” he married between the “Summer of Love and the Winter of Regret” after telling her he was a lineman. “He didn’t specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL,” it said.

His family called him a “renowned distributor of popsicles and ice cream sandwiches” to his grandchildren, who he would also play “Phineas and Ferb” for “usually when they were actually there.”

“He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.”

His daughter Jean Lahm said she wrote his obituary with a sense of humor because he “lived to make other people laugh,” according to the Associated Press.

“He cared about the things that truly mattered. A lot of people can relate to that. A lot of people have these great dads that are just like that. Good guys. That’s what he was,” she said.

Ward died of a stroke on Jan. 23 and  Lahm began writing his obituary the same day. She said she didn’t tell anyone in the family that it was going to be funny, but when they read it, they thought it was perfect.

She said she’s just happy to have been able to “get his personality across.”

The obituary ends with a request for memorial donations to be made to charity  “or your favorite watering hole, where you are instructed to tie a few on and tell a few stories of the great Terry Ward.”

From NTD.tv

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