Friend Learns Two Weeks From Wedding What ‘Honor Personal Attendant’ Means

By Epoch Newsroom
Epoch Newsroom
Epoch Newsroom
May 11, 2016 Updated: May 11, 2016

A woman went to Reddit to seek advice about what to do when her friend asked her to be an “honor personal attendant” at the wedding.

User pasucks1 revealed that she’s accepted the request without thinking it through, but later learned out what the designation actually means–and it doesn’t sound good. 

“I have never heard of this before, as she explained it would be to help her out the day of the wedding ….I said yes, thinking I would be helping her with small stuff, to set up before the wedding (I didn’t really look into it for a while, and that’s my fault) I am happy for her so I happy to help (to an extent)…..well she sent me a list of things she expect me to do two weeks ago, including coordinating stuff on the wedding day, decorating and ushering, which means I’ll be ‘working’ for her all day, instead of enjoying the wedding,” she wrote.

“According to what I read I am supposed to be at her beck and call before and DURING the wedding and reception. She has maid of honors, why can’t they do these things?! isn’t that their job? the more I read about ‘Personal attendant’ the more sounds like I’ll be her [expletive] during the wedding. She included me on the wedding invitations with that ‘official’ title ….I mean this doesn’t sound like an ‘honor’ at all…..why would you ask someone to do all that work without being in the wedding party? It’s like I’m not good enough to be a bridesmaid but to work at your wedding for free?”

She added: “Now, I am perfectly fine not being on the wedding party but this personal attendant business sounds demeaning, I rather be just a guest. I take responsibility for not saying NO and I don’t feel like I can back out, so I guess I mainly want to rant, ask if you guys think I’m out of line in my thinking and being offended…If you have a point of view that can help me reframe this in my head, if only to get through it gracefully, I appreciate that too! I will put me best foot forward for her wedding and I will do my best but I will be distancing myself from her after this.”

Many people chimed in with advice, with one person in the know coming up with an insightful response.

“SUPER offensive. The position is called Day of Coordinator and you usually hire someone to do it, not a friend or family member,” the user, teenlinethisisnitro, wrote.

“And yes, they usually get paid well ($500 to $1500 for one day, depending on where you live) because it’s a tough job. You absolutely can (and should) back out. Tell her thanks but no thanks, find another slave.”

Added another user: “I am a Day of Coordinator and I get paid to do these things. I love my job and being a part of someone’s special day but it is hard work. If she wants someone to run her wedding she needs to pay a professional to do it. I also have a sneaking suspicion that this bride would blame OP in a heartbeat if a single mason jar was out of place.”

Others told pasucks1 to try at least once to decline politely, to try to save the friendship, taking into account many brides make similar requests of family and/or friends.