Christmas Quotes 2014: 13 Funny Xmas Sayings

December 24, 2014 Updated: July 18, 2015

Here’s a list of quotes and sayings Christmas you can share.


“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa?” — Bart Simpson

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White

“There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?” — Conan O’Brien

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge

“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” — Dave Barry

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” — Bridger Winegar

“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz

“Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.” — President Calvin Coolidge

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller

“If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.” — Bob Hope

“My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn’t let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a basketball hoop and put it in the middle of the lawn! You can’t dribble on grass.” — Jimmy Fallon