Ever read someone’s status update or text and wondered what on earth they were thinking? Here are some hilarious updates on Facebook and WhatsApp and a few tweets to start your new year off with a smile…
Awesome Facebook Updates
- If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
- I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
- They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
- When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
- Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
- When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
- Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
Taken from GeeksCab full list of 50 funny Facebook status updates
More Facebook Updates that Got Attention
- For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember.. that’s where the knives are kept.
- I’ve been using Google for 10 years and I have no idea who uses the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
- If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids, why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
- I hate it when I’m singing along to a song and the artist gets the words wrong
- My grandma has always told me that if you have nothing good to say then don’t say anything at all, yet people still wonder why I am so quiet …
- That awkward moment when you’re trying to ignore a call and accidentally answer it.
- Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don’t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.
Taken from Sociobits list of 50 outstanding funniest Facebook status updates
Funny WhatsApp Updates
- Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
- When a girl says she’ll be ready in 5 more minutes, it’s the same as when a guy says the game has 5 minutes left.
- Etc= End of thinking Capacity.
- Awesome ends with ME and Ugly starts with you.
- Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.
Taken from WhatsApp-PC best WhatsApp status updates
Funniest Tweets of All Time?
- Sorry I yelled “killin’ it” when your mom was eating that banana.
- If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
- is there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat
- The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
- Wear only a towel around your waist and you can get into just about anywhere if you just repeat “so sorry so sorry” and keep moving forward.
- Fifth Third Bank? I don’t think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.
Taken from BuzzFeed’s 85 funniest tweets of all time