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Forgiveness. I’ve had many a moment trying to understand this virtue let alone explain it, but by some miracle I seem to have it in spades.
Unknowingly, I’ve been blessed with forgiveness, which undoubtedly has not only saved my life, but allowed me to go on living and loving life. A friend once said to me, “If all those things had happened to me, you'd have to have institutionalized me.” Well, forgiveness has been the antidote to all that trauma.
As a child, my understanding of forgiveness was to offer it to someone who had physically or emotionally harmed you. That was the concept that made sense, seemed logical, and in some instances, seemed impossible to comply with, as the instigator seemed only too ready to repeat their offence.
As an adult, I have learned that forgiveness is a very different understanding from the child version. The adult version is not forgiving someone else, it is forgiving yourself.
Some readers might recall a horrific incident that happened some 15 years ago when a high school male student stabbed another student in Drumheller, Alta. Within two weeks of the death of his son, the victim’s father, a minister, was openly forgiving the accused and visiting and giving him support in jail.
It seemed shocking to me, and very much a case of the child version of forgiveness, and I sinisterly thought, “Well, being a minister in a small town, what choice did he have?”
I’ve never spoken to that minister, so I have no understanding what led him to that response, but perhaps it is similar to my own.
In 1985, my parents were murdered by my youngest sister and her boyfriend in Lynchburg, Virginia. It was international news, and has remained in the media since. Netflix did a four-part series on the tragedy just a couple of years ago.
I had a decision to make when in 2021, when after 33 years in prison, my sister was due to be released on parole. The last contact I had with my sister was a letter exchange around 2005. In response to a letter I had written—stating that I could only forgive her if she told the truth—she replied in an aggressive tone, and we have not been in contact since.
Fast-forward to 2021 and her release, I had a dilemma: she was being deported back to Canada, and with still no truth, what was I going to do?
My decision was made even more complicated by the fact that three of my siblings, with whom I had a good relationship, were in contact with her and were offering her support. Her presence would jeopardize my relationship with my other siblings because it would only be a matter of time before there might be an unexpected encounter with her.
I decided I needed to take control of the situation and so I arranged to meet her in Jasper, Alta. I had no idea how this was going to materialize—how I would feel, what I would say—I just knew it had to happen.
And so on a beautiful morning in Jasper in September 2021, during COVID, I met my sister on a sidewalk. I threw my arms around her and we hugged, I couldn’t speak. I guess that was “forgiveness.”
In retrospect, it was one of the best things I have ever done. There was no “truth,” I didn’t want it, I didn’t need it. Instead, there was this incredible feeling of freedom. Freedom from all the apprehension—just letting go. That’s what forgiveness is really about, letting go.
Finally, I understand the adult version of forgiveness—it’s letting go of all the emotions and turmoil within oneself. That is what the virtue of forgiveness does, it forgives oneself.
A Gentle Nudge
Submitted by: Don Prince
Forty-plus years ago I felt a friend had stabbed me in the back, and it took many years to forgive him.
A couple of months ago, I woke in the middle of the night with a strong sense that God was asking me whether I had truly forgiven that person. I answered, “yes,” but the response I felt in return was, “yes with words, but not in your heart.” Since the person is now deceased, I sat on the side of my bed and offered a sincere, heartfelt forgiveness before God. In that moment, I felt a new lightness and peace in my heart.
Leaving With Grace
Submitted by: Ronald Gilkie
After 40 years as a professor of structural engineering at a Canadian university, I decided that I didn’t want to pursue a course of action suggested to me by a lawyer, as I decided it was not the way I wanted to end four wonderful decades working with talented engineering students.
At the time, I was retired, teaching part-time, and serving as the Dean of Students part-time as well. In this role, I had solved a problem that several students had with a particular professor and that I deemed “academic harassment.”
The Dean of Engineering called me into his office one day to inform me that my position was being terminated due to financial constraints. He said instead of continuing my $30,000 annual part-time role, the university would allocate $10,000 to each of the three faculties I administered to, leaving them to assume the responsibilities I had been managing.
I had a bit of a problem understanding the rationale, considering the mathematics of the situation. But I surmised it was because the dean was not happy with my handling of the situation with the students and professor, even though 10 of the students had arrived at my office with a card of thanks, signed by every one of them.
However, with no written notice of this decision, my position was extended several times. Then one day, I was informed that my position was terminated, and that I should vacate my office. This I did.
Several months later, a lawyer friend indicated that since they had kept me on beyond the contract termination date, I was eligible for my full year’s salary, even if I had not worked the whole time. I thought about it for a day and decided that it was not the way I wanted to end a very successful and satisfying career.
My greatest joy these days is the number of students who I meet that tell me that I was the best professor they had. I am now 88 years of age, and truthfully can say that there is nothing in my past life that I would want to change.
Paving the Road to Freedom
Submitted by: Susan Orlando
My husband and I had been married for 25 years—we were both 49 at the time—and our daughter, our only child, was 20 when my husband left us for a younger woman.
He had been having an affair with a woman he worked with for over a year. The whole office knew because it was a closet-knit family-like business. They kept it quiet from me.
I knew something was up, but he denied it for the whole year, until finally he told me. He left, and his final words were, “the last 49 years of my life never existed.” We never saw him again for 15 years.
Later, he finally contacted us. My daughter agreed that he should come over for coffee, and this very fragile old man arrived, full of regret and sadness about what he had done.
There was no emotional attachment for my daughter and I because forgiveness had happened after many tears, and some therapy, which helped us to move forward with our lives in a very positive way. Soon afterwards, we found out he had terminal cancer, and we looked after him until he passed away.
Without forgiveness, you can’t move forward in life.
Living Unburdened
Submitted by: Debra Dolan
Forgiveness, for me, isn’t a single moment or a dramatic release; it’s something I return to frequently as life’s experiences unfold.
It’s not only about the early wounds of childhood, but also the many small slights gathered over a lifetime—the difficult bosses, the friendships that fractured, the conversations I wish I could revisit. Life accumulates these moments, and forgiveness is how I keep them from becoming a burden.
Forgiveness is tricky for me. I understand its value. It can be freeing, righteous, even virtuous. But it is hard to do, and even harder to genuinely mean, when you have been wronged. There is nothing simple about releasing hurt that was real. I agree with what the article suggests: it is best for my health to release and not hold on, however, that doesn’t make the practice effortless. It demands recognition and intention.
And forgiveness isn’t only directed outward. Often, it involves forgiving myself—for choices made before I knew better, for staying too long or not long enough, for speaking too softly or too loudly, for the versions of myself I’ve since outgrown.
Self‑forgiveness doesn’t arrive all at once. It evolves. It takes shape slowly, almost organically, through time and reflection. It asks for honesty and patience. It allows me to loosen the grip of old self‑criticism and move forward without the weight of every misstep.
In the end, forgiveness is a way of living unburdened. It is a quiet, ongoing devotion to clarity, compassion, and freedom, both toward others and toward myself.
Divine Mercy
Submitted by: Nancy Phillion
When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped from a bus stop. I was tortured and ultimately, I was almost murdered by being hung with a belt on a tree. I survived, by the grace of God. I went to heaven that day, and I saw the glory of God and Jesus, filled with the Holy Spirit.
After experiencing the love of heaven, I could forgive my rapist. Truly, I was saved by mercy and grace. I am a true believer.
Concrete Lessons
Submitted by: John Coome
The concrete plant I managed in Edmonton was a great building but had poor production facilities. After a couple of years, I realized it needed a complete overhaul.
I spent the next two years working tirelessly to build a state-of-the-art production setup—sourcing world-class equipment to manufacture high-quality products efficiently and at low cost. When the renovation was complete and we were producing a superior-quality product at a very reasonable cost, we felt genuinely proud of what we had accomplished.
We were hardly on a day-to-day production run when our president came down and said they were selling the operation. After all I had been through it was such a shock I almost collapsed. How could they do this to me?
It hurt, but I had to leave the operation for another job, carrying the pain with me. However, getting busy again took away the anger I had for being dumped after doing a great job.
