The delectable world of insect eating is not just for the faint-hearted but for the bold, the daring, and those eco-warriors liberating the planet one crunchy critter at a time. Imagine a world teetering on the edge of culinary lethargy, only to be saved by the heroics of insect cuisine.
From the exotic tang of fly larvae caviar to the subtle nuances of black ant guacamole, every bite is a testament to your commitment to halting global boiling or at the very least adding some wealth into the trust accounts of the billionaire insect investors.
1. Fleas Were Once Unwitting Pioneers of Entertainment
Sling your thoughts back to the rip-roaring epoch of the flea circus, an entertainment extravaganza birthed in the dust-ridden parlours of the 1800s. Back then, a flea wasn’t just something you tried to drown in your bathwater; oh no, it was a star, a tiny titan of the tightrope and trampoline, captivating audiences with its death-defying leaps and bounds.The average Victorian home wasn’t just a dwelling; it was a talent pool for these minuscule marvels, with every mattress and skirting board a potential goldmine of performative prowess.
2. The Arachne Diet
Forget the furries. Do you love silk and have a fetish for weaving? Perhaps you identify as the next Arachne? It’s not all building webs, wrapping up prey and creating egg sacs.Did you know that spiders cannot swallow their food as is? So, before you give your next dinner party of fly medley, cockroach steaks, and earwigs benedict know that you’ll need to have a blender handy as spiders inject their prey with digestive fluids so they can suck out the liquefied remains.
3. Revolutionise Your Morning Coffee
Bored of the myriad of milks available? Almond, soy, and oat have had their day. Enter cockroach milk and revolutionise your morning decaf latte. Cockroach milk is a pale liquid fed to offspring of the Pacific Beetle cockroaches.4. A Nutrient-rich Ice Cream From Cape Town
Cast aside your old notions of dieting, for the avant-garde of nutrition is here, and it’s wearing six legs and a pair of antennae. In the revolutionary kitchens of Cape Town, another new dairy darling is being churned out from the humble black soldier fly larvae.Entomilk is the creamy, dreamy concoction that packs a punch with fat. However, the maestro behind this marvel isn’t stopping at just milk; she’s transforming this nutrient-rich elixir into ice cream and a host of other edible wonders.
5. A Fly in Your Soup? That Will Be Extra.
Remember the days when finding a fly in your soup was the diner’s jackpot for a free meal? Ah, but the times, they are a-changin.’Now, a fly in your dish might just be the magnum opus that adds a hefty sum to your bill, thanks to culinary innovators like René Redzepi. This celebrity style chef, known for his work on the reinvention and refinement of the new Nordic cuisine at Copenhagen’s Noma, has turned the inclusion of insects in haute cuisine from a daring experiment into a delectable art form.
Live ants as a garnish? Shrimp sushi with a side of crawling critters? It’s not just food; it’s an adventure on a plate. So next time a patron raises an eyebrow at the sight of an insect garnishing their meal, you can proudly inform them that they’re embarking on a culinary journey led by some of the world’s most innovative chefs.
And yes, that will be an extra charge on their bill for the privilege. In this new age of gastronomy, insects are not just tolerated; they’re celebrated, savoured, and even billed at a premium.
So raise your glasses, or better yet, your edible insect skewers, to the intrepid, the gallant, and the devourers of the six-legged. Update your social media bio with a bug emoji, flanked by icons of wind turbines, and solar panels. Stand tall in your spiderman suit and puff out your chest with pride.
You, dear bug-eaters are the cool compress on the fevered brow of Mother Earth. Although as we gallivant down this road less munched, perhaps pay heed to the tale of the old lady who swallowed the fly.
