Attention everyone! Thanks to these two friends, ‘maddchadd’ and Vinny Balbo, we have just discovered the secret to achieving world peace! Starting today, all domestic and foreign leaders, diplomats, ambassadors, politicians of all ideologies, clergy, bartenders, and DMV and library personnel must greet each other with a handshake that is similar to, but not copied from, these two friends!
Look at that shake!
Furthermore, each handshake shall be unique to each individual – memorization is required. Our thought behind this proclamation is simply that in the time it will take each of you to conceptualize, develop, practice, and implement such handshakes should be more than sufficient in getting to know one another. We will break down all barriers of false fears and stereotypes, thus initiating “Phase 1” of our innovative “Peace Through Funky Handshakes” campaign. Parameters have been established to eliminate any shortcuts or loopholes that would only serve to set back this movement of brotherhood and sisterhood among all people.
They are as follows:
- All handshakes must be developed in a cooperative effort involving input from all stakeholders/hand shakers.
- No professional choreographers can be paid for designing your handshakes.
- Each handshake will last more than one minute and twelve seconds (coincidentally the same length as the one shown in this video) nor shall it exceed two hours.
- Every handshake shall include at least one genuine embrace in which both parties make appropriate physical contact that is of genuine nature.
- All 1970’s disco moves must be pre-approved by the “Alternative To Disco Moves Committee” whose members have or will include the following members or members of their family: Donna Summer, The Bee Gees, KC and the Sunshine Band, James Brown, Barry White, Maude, The Village People, and Earth, Wind, and Fire.
*Please note: Side effects may include positivity, cooperation, fear reduction or elimination, laughter, hope, non-judgmental behavior, gingivitis, social engagement, friendship, love, “Kumbayah” and “Carpe Diem” Syndrome, compromise, increased appreciation for human and other species, and world peace.
Thank you for your cooperation and participation. You may now carry on.