Panicked Democrats’ ‘September Surprises’ Come Fast and Furious

September 10, 2020 Updated: September 10, 2020


It’s our quadrennial national sport—the October Surprise … or is it now the September Surprise?

Or, for that matter, the November-December-January Surprise, if, as many predict, the election isn’t concluded Nov. 3 and becomes an endless battle of lawyers over every hanging chad or mail-in vote signed, sealed, and delivered by a veteran of the War of 1812.

Recently, the “surprises” have been coming so “fast and furious” (don’t tell Eric Holder) that the Democrats seem more panicked than they ever were even in the days of “Panic in Needle Park,” speaking of which, New York is beginning to look more and more as it did in the time of that 1971 film.

So the “surprises” are rolling in. Just the other day, we were informed President Donald Trump regarded as “losers”—not worth his time or vaut le détour, as they say in the Guide Michelin—U.S. servicemen interred in a French graveyard during World War I. This according to several—needless to say anonymous—sources brought to us by the man who sank The Atlantic (or was it the Titanic), Jeffrey Goldberg.

Never mind that the many who then chose to weigh in on the subject under their own names—think of that—and actually were present during said rainy French morning, including John Bolton, no friend of Trump’s, as we know, heard no such thing. Never mind that Trump himself has done more for servicemen and women than any president in memory, including raising their salaries at greater increments than his predecessors and, most recently, bringing many of them home and out of harm’s way in the Middle East for the first time in decades.

Goldberg has his sources and he’s sticking to them.

It’s business as usual for the Dems, which means by any means necessary—which means, needless to say, anonymous or not … Russia!

Forget that China, the proximate cause of the pandemic sweeping the world, is umpteen times more powerful, which means more dangerous, electorally or otherwise, with concentration camps, forced organ transplants, social credit scores, international Belt-and-Road connections, and so forth.

The Democrats didn’t stake their reputation for three years on denigrating China. They, including Joe Biden und Söhne, Michael Bloomberg, and others, played economic footsie with it instead.

They staked that reputation on Russia and came up snake eyes, humiliating themselves with the self-evidently ridiculous Steele dossier. (Wasn’t some of it true? “Mother Jones” said it was. How embarrassing.)

So Russia it has to be … which means Rep. Adam Schiff (who else?) is back on the scene. Somehow, the California Impeachment Kid never goes away, even while his home state is turning into the third rung of Dante’s Inferno with record fires, homelessness, taxes, and a fleeing middle class all rolled into one big “Lemme outta here!”

But Schiff couldn’t care less because he’s found yet another “whistleblower.” Will this one also have been an aide-de-camp of then-Vice President Biden? Does it matter? It all comes to the same thing because this man, woman, or child is prepared to avow that information about Russian interference in our election has been suppressed.

Never mind that the Russians have been interfering in our elections since the days of the Cheka. Schiff knows they must be stopped, so help me Santa Monica Boulevard. (Is it still standing?)

But seriously, folks—there are just too many surprises. Like the waves at Malibu Beach, they keep rolling in, one after the other.

On Sept. 9, we had the dooziest. (Is that a word? Evidently not. At least Microsoft Word doesn’t recognize it.) The King of the Journalistic Hill, Bob Woodward, himself is weighing in with his latest book. And, as with any Woodward tome, it must have an earth-shattering reveal. But I’ll let CNN (who better?) explain:

“President Donald Trump admitted he knew weeks before the first confirmed U.S. coronavirus death that the virus was dangerous, airborne, highly contagious and ‘more deadly than even your strenuous flus,’ and that he repeatedly played it down publicly, according to legendary journalist Woodward in his new book ‘Rage.’

“‘This is deadly stuff,’ Trump told Woodward on February 7.”

Hey, a man’s gotta sell books. Speaking as an author, far less commercially successful than Woodward, I should know.

Nevertheless, I don’t want to rain on Woodward’s parade—I don’t read his books anyway. I’m still way behind on Proust and Dostoevsky—but no one, repeat no one, I have read or heard, not even the vaunted Dr. Anthony Fauci, has been remotely consistent in his or her view of COVID-19, the disease that’s caused by the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) virus.

Sometimes, it’s going away. Sometimes, it’s ravaging everyone from here to Alpha Centauri. To this day, it remains in many ways mysterious.

But if Woodward wants to blame Trump for trying to keep everybody calm in the face of a horrifying and paranoia-inducing pandemic, as I said, a man’s gotta sell books, especially now.

But as for the September-October-November-December-January-Surprises, call them what you will; I predict they won’t add up to that much in the end. Recall what we all learned in kindergarten: “I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

Roger L. Simon is an award-winning author, Oscar-nominated screenwriter, co-founder of PJ Media, and now a columnist for The Epoch Times. Find him on Parler and Twitter @rogerlsimon. Buy his books on Amazon.

Views expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.