Dear Kathy,
I have one brother and I love him very much. I can’t be in the same room with him without feeling a pit in my stomach, though. It’s not his fault but I just can’t help it.
Let me explain. After we both graduated high school, he went to college and I went to work. He met his wife in school and I met my husband at my job.
They’re both professionals and we’re both blue collar. They own a nice house. We live in an apartment. Their oldest child is in graduate school, their second is in college, and their third one is in high school honors classes.
We encouraged both of our children to do well in school and go to college because we wanted them to have easier lives than we’ve had. Our oldest child wouldn’t listen and went to work after high school just like us.
Our second dropped out of college after the first semester because she got pregnant. She’s living with us now and we’re helping her with the baby.
I love my husband, our kids, and our precious grandbaby more than anything but when I’m around my brother’s family, I feel like a failure. My parents have always treated us the same and I know that they love us both equally.
I see how much pride they have in him and his kids’ accomplishments and I hate myself for being so jealous. I can’t even be in the same room with him anymore. I know it hurts him and my parents because we don’t all get together like we used to but I just can’t put myself through it anymore. It’s too painful for me.
Disappointed in Myself
Dear Friend,
I think that you hit the nail on the head - your core issue is that you’re disappointed in yourself. This pit in your stomach has nothing to do with your brother or your parents, it’s all about you. Keep the focus there and you'll find the path out of your current emotional pain.
I suggest that you give some thought as to where you want your life to be and start moving in that direction. Apply to college if a degree will make you feel more complete.
Community colleges are generally less expensive than four year institutions and they are more professionally focused. Go to an open house and check out some certificate programs. You'll be surprised by how many older non-traditional students you meet. Additionally, it will be a wonderful role model for your children. They may eventually wind up being your carpool buddies!
It’s never too late, not as long as you’re still drawing breath. Whatever you do, don’t remain stuck where you are. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you allow the green-eyed monster to deprive you of enjoying your family to the fullest.
Move in a positive direction in your own life one step at a time and the tide of envy you feel towards your brother will recede. Please update us on your progress!
Blessings,
Kathy
Readers, please post some feedback on similar situations you’ve experienced. And send your letters to [email protected]. I look forward to hearing from you!
