CHINA TRANSLATED: Choose Your Poison

By James Yu, Epoch Times
April 21, 2016 Updated: April 22, 2016

Joke of the Week

Food selection

A friend invited me to a newly-opened seafood restaurant in China. There were two kinds of crayfish served: one was domestic, the other wild. I asked my friend about the difference between them. He replied: “Domestic crayfish is fed with antibiotics, while wild crayfish has more heavy metals in it. Which one do you think your body can handle better?” —Weibo

The biggest liar

Once upon a time there was a lying competition in China. By the end, two players had defeated all the other contestants to become the finalists. However, their skills were too close to settle on a winner. The referee thus decided to ask them to explain what they did for a living and let the audience vote. The younger finalist said: “I am a Foreign Ministry spokesperson…” The audience murmured: “Then there’s no wonder he has such outstanding lying expertise.” The elder finalist said: “I am a historian…” In the end, they voted for him.—ChinaDigitalTimes


Socialist Fables

This is a series of political fables authored and posted by @格瓦拉 (pronounced “Gewala”) on Sina Weibo. The author, drawing analogies from George Orwell’s novella Animal Farm, composes short fictional stories about a farm in which animals (groups of people) are ruled over by a grandfather and his grandson (Party leaders and their relatives). The snippets are intended to reflect the reality of Chinese society under the Party, and to circumvent Internet censors in the process.

You can still vote!

A dog was growing old and thus hoped to resign as a delegate to the Animal Congress. He said to Grandpa: “I am too old to help manage our farm. Please allow me to retire.” Grandpa said nothing, but instead held out a bone. The dog lifted its paw to receive it, and Grandpa suddenly shouted: “Don’t fool me, you old dog. It’s clear that you’re still able to raise your hand to vote ‘yes’ in the Congress!”

Best of Social Media

@Zhang Ming: “What vulnerable social groups advocate may not always be rational. But how to treat these people is a touchstone of humanity in any society.” —Weibo

@CuckooSinging21: “Many people have been trying their best to convince Party leaders why  democracy and constitutionalism is so great. They probably think that the leaders know little about democracy or constitutionalism. This is not true. They know better than us that those are better systems, otherwise they wouldn’t have their families emigrate there. Why is democracy or constitutionalism yet to be realized in China? The problem is not whether they are good or suitable to our national condition. The problem lies in vested interests.” —Weibo

A Trend of Fake Divorces

Beijing Youth Daily recently published a report about an “upsurge in fake divorces” in Shanghai, caused by the latest real estate purchase policies. According to the new rule aiming at deterring investment in apartments or houses that are left empty, each family now has to stump up a much larger down payment for the second mortgage. Consequently, if a couple divorces to get a mortgage and one of them buys another house as a single person, they can save having to pay a 20% deposit.

According to the report, fake divorces have been recorded in a number of large cities and there are concerns that it’s becoming a social problem.

Internet users made a number of sarcastic remarks about the news. Some criticized the policy for driving up the divorce rate: “In this world you cannot find a second country where national policies lead to disruption of the family,” one said. Another: “This regime is driving people insane.”

Some criticized the couples: “China’s main problem is a question of morality rather than economics; the long-term corruption of the Party has led to the moral bankruptcy of our people.”

A couple who has broken up so that the man may buy a second home without having to place a large down payment on the mortgage. The ex-wife asks: “Is it worth it?”