Abandon Ship! Time for Conservatives to Leave California

September 15, 2021 Updated: September 15, 2021


I had been intending—hoping against hope perhaps—to write a very different column.

I had made contact with my old friend in the Elder Campaign, Lionel Chetwynd, now Larry’s campaign chairman, to keep me apprised from the inside as the gubernatorial recall election transpired and the once-gorgeous state of California finally revived from its years of self-destruction.

I had informed the powers that be at The Epoch Times that I would be giving them my brilliant exclusive insights as the night progressed, to have the presses ready.

America, get ready. California was back!

And then the Anschluss. Quicker than the flick of an eye, the recall was over. Newsom had won, declared victorious in a near landslide only a few minutes after the polls closed at eight Pacific Time.

With their $80 million in campaign funds, Newsom and the Democrats had succeeded in hanging the Trump scarlet letter around Larry Elder’s neck and maintained control of the Golden State in perpetuity, and all I can say is—no backsies!

No backsies because I had been there no more than a week ago and California is the ghost of the place I first came to years ago when the Mama and the Papas were singing of what was then everyone’s dream. You can have it!

All you need to see is the relentless homeless encampments over every bridge across the Harbor Freeway. As I wrote before, this is Calcutta with apologies to Calcutta and the rest of India. At least in Uttar Pradesh (larger than California, actually) they’re allowed to take ivermectin and are nearly entirely COVID-free. Not so in Los Angeles and that public latrine known as San Francisco.

So back to rewrite and the title of my revised column:

It is time for all conservatives and libertarians to leave California!

Do not pass GO! Do not collect $200. Just get out and be grateful. You really are getting out of jail free.

California and Californians are beyond repair. If they couldn’t vote Newsom out after all that has happened and after the obvious condition of the state almost everywhere you go, except perhaps the French Laundry, it will never happen. Stop kidding yourself.

And you’ll be surprised there are a lot of good places to eat outside the state at less than a fifth of the freight of that over-priced Napa Valley redoubt.

If you have a house to sell, you can have one twice that size outside California.

I’m not gloating here, just because I got out myself over three years ago. Actually, it makes me sad. I may never see Yosemite, Big Sur, or a single Joshua tree again. But so what? C’est la vie. There are wonders all over the world.

And starting over in a new location has a lot to recommend it. It makes you younger and expands the mind, like learning to use a computer mouse with the opposite hand.

Larry Elder, a fantastic man with a great talent and a wonderful sense of humor, is also more than welcome to come, if he should be, most justifiably in his case, fed up with California.

But to my fellow conservatives and libertarians, if you do come, please remember why you left. Some are concerned here in Tennessee, and I assume in other red states, that you might, I’m sure inadvertently, bring some of your blue state values with you.

I know you won’t, but just in case.

And be prepared for a shock. Outside the coasts, everyone’s really nice. At first I was so disoriented, I thought it was trick. But it’s not.

So come. We’ve got a lot of work to do.

Views expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.

Roger L. Simon
Roger L. Simon
Roger L. Simon is an award-winning novelist, Oscar-nominated screenwriter, co-founder of PJMedia, and now, editor-at-large for The Epoch Times. His most recent books are “The GOAT” (fiction) and “I Know Best: How Moral Narcissism Is Destroying Our Republic, If It Hasn’t Already” (nonfiction). He can be found on GETTR and Parler @rogerlsimon.