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After a ballet training early last evening, I returned home hungry. My neighbor next door works in a bakery. She knows I like fruit cakes and always brings me a strawberry cake when she comes back home. This day was no exception.
I made a cup of hot chocolate, sat down with her on the floor, turned on the TV and computer, and started chatting.
"Are you getting online again? Don't spill the hot chocolate on the keyboard. Why are you in such a hurry?" She asked.
I picked the red, shiny strawberry dipped in sugar on the top of the cake and put it in my mouth.
"Yes, I am hungry but I want to browse the web, too. I have to multi-task," I said, smiling.
Ten minutes later, she turned away from the TV and asked, "Why haven't you finished the cake? Didn't you say you were hungry?"
I fell silent and felt my throat choking. On the Epoch Times ' website, I read that Mr. Gao Shizheng, a renowned Chinese human rights attorney, had began a hunger strike. The last time I was on a hunger strike was in 2002. I lost 20 pounds from it.
I once experienced prison life under the Chinese Communist Party's rule- I was imprisoned for supporting Falun Gong practitioners, which Attorney Gao has also done. I went on a hunger strike at age 19 for the first and only time in my life. Maybe because I shared the same experience as Mr. Gao, tears began to fill my eyes. I understood well that under those circumstances, it was not only physical pain, but more the mental pain, that are overwhelming.
There are many different kinds of sad feelings. One of them is called hopelessness. When I felt it, it became an unforgettable experience.
When a person returns to his homeland, which is under the control of a dictatorship, and when everyone around him is controlled by the CCP and is forced to comply with this brutal regime, he will feel like his limbs were tied with ropes and he were among a crowd of puppets. He wants to scream but he can make no sound. He wants to run but he cannot walk even one step.
A reporter from outside of China asked me how I thought of going on a hunger strike as a 19-year-old, and whether it would be the same as risking my own life. I said, "Yes. Only in China when surrounded by the CCP would one be forced to make such a choice."
"Isn't this a form of suicide?"
"No. The reason I did this was because I really wanted to live. When I had food while in prison, I never felt so strong a desire to live as the days I was on the hunger strike. I believed firmly that I would survive and walk out of that place as a real, dignified person. That was also what touched so many kind people, which ultimately resulted in my ability to leave the prison."
Another person asked me, "Tell me what it's like to go on a hunger strike in prison. I often see you guys on a peaceful hunger strike, as if you're always keeping yourselves hungry. What do you do that for? Are you just being hungry? What difference does it make?"
As long as the CCP exists, China remains a prison without walls. Within it are 1.3 billion of my fellow countrymen, brothers and sisters. There are one billion innocent and impoverished peasants who have been suppressed by the CCP. They don't have a voice for the world to hear. Mr. Gao was a voice for those who are in pain. Now he is suffering the same pain as them.
Those who have never been on a hunger strike do not understand that the most painful part about a hunger strike is neither the hunger nor the nausea. When I was on a hunger strike, I needed to be very slow even when standing up, otherwise I could not see anything at all and would lose balance immediately. When I turned corners, I had to do it very slowly; otherwise I would feel dizzy. Although a hunger strike is physically painful, it is one of the most peaceful ways to fight for the freedom of the soul. All the way through, the principle of this honorable pursuit is avoiding harming others while seeking one's faith.
The most terrifying part of a hunger strike is the ceasing of metabolism. When one stops eating, one will usually stop excreting. Those who have experienced constipation all know its seriousness. When excrement stays in the bowls for a long time, it tends to become dry and hardened. Since toxin cannot be released, the internal organs will become overloaded and dried up. Without the intake of water or nutrients, intestines will stop moving. After I started a hunger protest in the prison at the age of 19, my ability to endure cold was drastically weakened, and I often shivered even during the daytime.
After a few days, my face and body started to grow dark boils which were very painful. To release excrement, I sometimes had to use my hands, but it was too hard to be loosened, and my fingers would dig into the flesh and get covered with blood. I became very thin, but my stomach was swollen like an air ball, bulging out. I had to be very careful to sit down, as my intestines were twisted and hurt. They laughed at me, saying I was like a pregnant woman. For a married woman, the sign of pregnancy is a blessing, but for a 19-year-old imprisoned girl, it was an insult, for which I fell red-faced. Till this day, I still remember that feeling of offense.
I told myself not to recall anymore, but my stomach did not listen to me. I quietly collected the plates, putting the strawberry cake back into the refrigerator, now without the strawberry.
My neighbor understood me; she said to me with gentle concern, "You should take care of your body. See, this whole slice of strawberry cake, your favorite, I chose the largest one. You did not even touch it."
I smiled and thought to myself, "Would it still be called strawberry cake without the strawberry?" If everyone can act like Mr. Gao in resisting the evil Communist Party and resigning from it, will China still be dictated by the Communist Party? Clearly, someone will take off the strawberry from the top of the cake, then little by little, more and more will join in. Even though the strawberry is only a small part of the cake, but without it, it is strawberry cake no more.
Mr. Gao, please take care of yourself. You are on hunger strike, I cannot eat either. I am a girl of over 20, and was rescued from the prison by righteous people like you. Today, I have come to this land of freedom in America, but you are still suffering for the people in China.
I will not forget how I have made it through with the help and support of others. I can never forget the moment before I left China, when many pairs of hands held mine — hands from Chinese people who cherish justice — telling me four words: "do not forget us."
Mr. Gao, please allow me to endure hunger with you. Many of us overseas Chinese are concerned about you every day. Even though we cannot experience all the pain you have endured, I am willing to stand side by side with you. We are two different generations, one from the Cultural Revolution and one around the 1989 Tiananmen Massacre. But we both suffered persecution, and we both carry righteous, compassionate, and democratic blood for China.
We stand with you on the same moral ground, me at your side; we will never bow down our heads. We further believe that we can call to awake more and more Chinese.
On an empty stomach, I am writing this article in front of the computer. My neighbor brought a cup of hot water for me from the kitchen. I took a sip, and found it sweet. I looked at her in puzzlement.
She smiled, hand touching my head, "Silly girl, I put some brown sugar. You need a strong body to support Mr. Gao. I want to do my part too, so from today on, I will make sugar water for you."
You see, Mr. Gao, this sister of mine who has come to the US not long ago has joined our rank. Sometimes I think if every Chinese is a red-hatted strawberry cake, and if every red-hat is taken off, then the strawberry cakes will be no more. Even though the cakes would still be there, they would no longer be blood-red strawberry cakes. The Chinese Communist Party has extended its demonic claws from inside China to overseas, but it is destined to fail. Mr. Gao has, from inside China, made more overseas Chinese see clearly the true face of the Chinese Communist Party. The tide of quitting CCP has surged from China to overseas, and people are awakening, both inside and outside of China.
In the future, there will be more and more people joining us. You see, so many friends of mine are supporting you. Therefore, Mr. Gao, please take care of yourself. We cannot do much, but please allow us to join you in this hunger strike.
Midnight, in New York
Huang Boshen is a Chinese woman in her early 20s residing in the United States. She was imprisoned in China at age 18 for speaking the truth about Falun Gong and was taken to brainwashing sessions, where she went on a hunger strike.
Please also see:
Attorney Gao Zhisheng Begins Hunger Strike to Protest Persecution ,
Call For Relay Hunger Strikes Across China , and
A Girl's Memories of "The Same Song," First Heard at the Age of 19
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