Proof That Film Critics Don’t Know What Kids Like
Proof That Film Critics Don’t Know What Kids Like
And Here Are 5 Top Kids' Movies Anyway

Knowing what kids like is an art. Who gets it right? Rudolf Steiner kindergarten teachers and puppet shows, to name two. And Pee Wee Herman—because kid-humor is a field of study unto itself.

For example, reclusive acting coach to the stars, Allen Savage, once ran a children’s theater in New Mexico (one company member was Christopher Lloyd—Doc Brown of “Back to the Future”). Savage said the best laughs were achieved by simply standing behind the curtains and waggling them, directly prior to a show. That would produce roars of kid laughter.

Essential Kids

The company Essential Kids did an interesting survey: they asked a bunch of kids what their favorite Pixar movies were. What became quickly apparent was that adults (especially adult movie critics) think they know what kids like—but just don’t.

For example, critics thought “Finding Nemo,” was perfect for kids! And kids haaated it. Critics think Pixar movies are declining … but kids think they’re just fantastic! Better than ever! 

Compare and Contrast

So Essential Kids took Rotten Tomatoes website ratings of Pixar films, and compared critic’s ratings with kid ratings. They discovered that critics deemed kid movies good, only if adults liked them too … but kids could care less about what their parents think!

They further discovered that kids love sequels, whereas critics generally can’t stand them—and here was a big thing: many more movies than we adults realize, that adults think are just great … are considered “too scary!” by kids. Good to keep in mind when you think your 8 year old will be just fine seeing “Deadpool.”

Critics Versus Kids

1. Monsters, Inc. (2001)
Critics’ Rating: 96%—Kids’ Rating: 93%

2. The Incredibles (2004)
Critics: 97%—Kids: 85%

3. Cars 2 (2011)
Critics: 39%—Kids’: 82%

4. A Bug’s Life (1998)
Critics: 92%—Kids: 43%

This Film Critic’s Top 5 Kid Movie Picks

The forgoing was all to prove that film critics like to spout off a bunch of highfalutin-sounding theories, but the reality of it is, they don’t know what the heck kids like, and the following list of kids movies is therefore subjective, and all about what I like. You’re Welcome.

Young Children

1) ‘Monsters, Inc.’

That was easy. The kids said it themselves, right up there—93 percent. Here’s the story: Monsters Inc. is the biggest scare factory in the scary world of monsters, and huge, purple spotted, blue-furred, horned Sully (John Goodman) is a world-class scarer of small children! His scare-assistant, best buddy, and roomie is a small, green, opinionated, argumentative, New Yawk-accented, blue-streak-talking cyclopian monster named Mike Wazowski (Billy Crystal). Along comes little human girl-child Boo, and rocks their monster world!

Crystal and Goodman are hilarious, Pixar is immeasurably inventive, and the whole movie explains to kids why, even when they do see a scary monster in the closet or under the bed at night, those monsters are really nice and only faking being scary! Priceless for children!

2) ‘The Iron Giant’

It’s 1957: A giant alien robot crash-lands in the piney woods near the small town of Rockwell, Maine. Local 9-year-old boy, Hogarth, takes his toy pop-gun and goes on a night-time foray to find the disturbance. He encounters the enormous metal ‘bot, and befriends him, because the robot, once you get to know him, has the personality of a pet dog. A sinister government agent tries to destroy the robot, and Hogarth and his new cool-daddy-o beatnik friend Dean McCoppin (Harry Connick Jr.) try to save their new friend, all while avoiding mom’s scrutiny (Jennifer Anniston)

Brad Bird who made this, also made the incredible “The Incredibles.” Apart from the unbelievably nostalgic American small-town cozy imagery, it’s the unlikely voiceover by “Fast & Furious” superstar Vin Diesel, utilizing only bass-register unintelligible metallic groans, grunts, and mutterings, that engender huge compassion for the personality of this giant robot as a lost, confused, misunderstood, wonder-filled small child, trying to make sense of the world. Wonderful for kids.

3) ‘Toy Story’

This 1995 children’s comedy was the first full-length CGI feature film, kicking off a trend that continues to ramp up yearly. You’ve heard of “The Secret Life of Bees?” This is the secret life of toys. We all knew it, but could never prove the fact that our toys come to life when we leave the bedroom.

Like the best fairy tales, children love to re-watch this film, over and over. This goes for almost all the Pixar films. Pixar does children’s movies just right by respecting the child audience, not underestimating them, and being just sophisticated enough that they’re timeless tales for kids, babysitters, and parents alike.

Older Children

4) ‘The Sound of Music’

Based on the real life story of the Von Trapp Family singers. In Austria, circa the late 1930’s, young Maria (Julie Andrews) is trying hard to be a good little nun, but she’s just too full of life, and, like the prince in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” she “just wants to … sing!” 

Navy captain Georg Von Trapp writes Maria’s convent abbess, inquiring after a governess who might be up to the difficult task of handling his seven rowdy kids. Maria takes the job. The children are not happy with dad gone all the time, and have ingeniously managed to run off all of the previous governesses. Maria’s kindness, truthfulness, and patience, along with a great sense of fun (and catchy songs) win them all over—including uptight dad.

Two love stories here: Maria and the Navy captain, and oldest daughter Liesl and her soon-to-be-Hitler-youth boyfriend. A classic, full of singing, fun for kids, teens, and adults alike, as it’s got major romantic atmosphere. The downside is that hearing “Doe, a deer,” and “These are a few of my favorite things,” will make New Yorkers remember how much they hate hearing these tunes played ad nausem by subway musicians.

5) ‘Stand By Me’

The key line to this movie is narrated by the author Gordie Lachance (Richard Dreyfuss), right at the end: “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12.”

He tells a childhood tale about hanging out with his three closest 12 year-old classmates—Vern Tessio, the sweetly naive chubby one, Teddy Duchamp the nutty one with the crazy, abusive dad, and Chris Chambers, Gordie’s best bud. Chris is considered by all to be an up-and-coming lowlife, from a lowlife family—but Chris (River Phoenix) has integrity and loyalty in spades.

Fat Vern secretly overhears his juvie older brother saying he’s discovered the body of a dead boy in the woods, but is afraid to tell anyone. Vern tells his buds, and they’re all immediately convinced it’s gotta be one Ray Brower, a kid their age who went missing three days ago, picking blueberries. They go see what they can see. Remember the excitement and dread of that kind of adventure? The four don’t know that the neighborhood group of older boys, led by sadistic Ace Merrill (a young, excellently annoying Kiefer Sutherland), are going on the same journey.

It becomes a nostalgia-laden, all-American version of an Australian rite-of-passage walkabout, in a sense. The four boys transition from boys towards the path of manhood, in the facing of their fears of seeing a dead body, the sharing of their heretofore privately-held griefs, and the facing down and standing their ground regarding the bullying older boys.

These 5 Films

These films share the qualities of friendship, doing things for friends, family, integrity, conquering fears, acceptance, tolerance, and all have plenty of humor. This critic thinks kids will like these movies.

He also knows he knows nothing at all.

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