I was highly motivated and devoted to the ideals of Communism—to build the country, to serve the people, and to be loyal to the Party.
Since I became a member of the Chinese Communist Party on July 1, 1974, over 30 years have passed by. For 30 years, I have worked hard and done my best. I have devoted myself to both the Party and the people. However, I have also been suppressed and defamed. Even though each time I have been lucky to get out of the trouble, the nightmare continues to haunt me.
Is it wrong to think for the people? Is it wrong to think for the future of the country? Is it wrong to fight against corrupt officials? Is it wrong to think long-term, and for the overall interests of the Party?
I was wrong. I have been wrong since the beginning. I have been deceived. I have mistaken the true purpose and function of the Communist Party with my own naives, and failed to recognize the greedy, shameless, despicable, and violent nature of the Communist Party.
I wrongfully believed that Communism would help realize the true ideal State; I wrongfully believed that the Tiananmen Square Massacre was to defeat the anti-Party class; I wrongfully believed that killing the Uygur was to safeguard the interests of the majority; I wrongfully believed that the crackdown on Falun Gong was a victory of proletariat over feudal superstition and cult of anti-government, anti-State, anti-social, and anti-human.
I have been wrong and so wrong since the very beginning. However, I could no longer ignore or continue my mistake. I could not make further mistakes.
The best I could do was to correct my mistake. With great courage, I make this decision. I have carried too many burdens from my past. When I sent my wife and children to England, I knew the consequences. I knew my subordinates would reveal their true nature and fight for my position; I knew my so-called “friends” would start avoiding me; I knew that strangers would laugh at me, and those who had been jealous of me would celebrate as if it’s retribution.
I am aware of them all when I make this decision, because I fully recognize them. I am sad, but I don’t feel bad, because I am the only one awakened.