Knowing that it is time to make choices based on what our hearts are telling us can be challenging. Honoring our internal reactions and being able to recognize and interpret their messages is something we have a choice to do every day. There are some days when the decisions we must face carry more weight and life changing consequences than other days.
Sometimes internal messages are difficult to interpret. Other times we miss the message entirely. We live within many systems (culture, family, peers, and more), and these systems tell us what they expect from us, shape our thinking, and our ways of looking at life. What we learn from these various systems often guide us throughout our lives. This can be helpful, or this can be confusing, particularly when something inside is telling us to go in a different direction.
It is critical to stop and try to understand what the heart is saying to us. If you feel reluctant to move forward on something (even if it seemingly makes sense) there's often a reason. Sometimes it's simply because there's a risk involved and the risk is frightening, but worth it to you. Other times it is because you know deep down that it is not what you want. This is especially true if the heaviness or hesitation persists. This might be a decision about a job, a relationship, education, or any number of other things.
Are You Avoiding Something?
Oftentimes, we know when we are avoiding something and not being fully honest with ourselves. In this situation, the following process may be helpful:
1. Find a place that is quiet and soothing. Have a notebook with you, and give yourself enough time so that you won't feel rushed. Make it a date with yourself and don't cancel!
2. First just sit. Close your eyes or just take in the scenery. Take some deep breaths and begin to think about who you are and what is important to you in life. It's okay if you discover that what is important to you does not correlate with how you live your life. Just note these differences.
Think About These Questions
3. Think about the situation or decision you're facing. Think about the questions below. Spend some time contemplating them. Write down your responses or any insights you gain in the process.
What challenge am I facing currently?
It is better to cycle through this process one issue at a time, so choose one issue to begin. Often our feeling of heaviness is a consequence of trying to deal with too many things at once. Breaking it down will be helpful.
What Are The Consequences?
What are the potential consequences of my decision?
For example, weigh out the consequences of taking the job or not taking the job or the consequences of going on another date with this person as opposed to the consequences of ending the relationship.How do I feel about these consequences? Am I scared? Angry? Sad?
As I said earlier, sometimes we misinterpret the messages from our hearts. We see our response as requiring a black or white answer. Often there are other options. Consider this in the next few questions.
What Haven't I Considered?
Are there any actions I have not considered?
For example, asking for another meeting with the company to clarify something or to ask for something I need to take the job; talking with the guy about what's not working for me and trying to find a solution.Why have I not considered this? Is there something I'm afraid of? Is there a skill I lack to take this action? Can I acquire this skill?
4. Give yourself three to five minutes to close your eyes and imagine how you will feel after making one choice over the other?
5. Give yourself another three to five minutes to imagine how it will feel to make the alternative choice.
Finally, if you are feeling heavy about your decision you have made, ask yourself if living with the heaviness (it often won't go away) is worth what you will gain from the decision?
A Note About Communication
Sometimes we don't consider certain alternatives because we were never taught how to apply them to our lives. For instance, we know that good communication is important, but more often than not, many people don't consider this an option. We are often afraid of confrontation and asking for what we need. We don't know how to communicate clearly and confidently, and we don't always believe that the other person will discuss our concerns with us respectfully. Sometimes we're right, but gaining the courage and making the attempt to ask for what we want or talk about what is bothering us will often give us the information we needed to move forward.
Melissa King is a life and wellness coach in New York City. She works with women on weight loss, better success in dating, and career satisfaction. Her Web site is www.myheartdances.com Contact her at melissa@myheartdances.com
