There are some items on the list that are certainly representative of our behavior, but there are other items that are closer to an ideal rather than a physical reality. For instance, a person might talk a lot about how important spending time with family is, but their life shows that work is truly their priority and family comes way down the list. Other people might say that they value adventure and spontaneity, but as someone gets to know them, we may find that they prefer planning and familiarity and resist impromptu urgings to try something new.
The second part of this exercise is to document which of our behaviors expresses our values. It helps to think about how our time and money is spent. What types of people are we drawn to and why. There are things we tend to avoid or not make time for—pin point what they are.
This can be rather enlightening and insightful. Sometimes a list like this can show us that somehow we got off track, and it can help us to re-prioritize and make changes. The list can also show us that maybe we aren’t who we always thought we were. We might have been holding onto the values of parents, friends, or society instead of our own. For instance, if you always said that you should spend less time online, maybe you will discover that you truly enjoy your time on the Internet because you are curious and love to learn new things.
You may also find that the discrepancy exists due to limited access. For instance, you may value your health and believe in getting regular check-ups at the doctor, but you cannot afford health insurance (cannot afford is one thing and choosing to spend your money elsewhere is another; it’s important to recognize the difference). You may want to spend more time with your family, but your parents retired to a place too far away for frequent visits. Sometimes we truly value something that our behavior does not represent, but we are still in the process of trying to make that value a reality.
Upon completion of these lists, it becomes easier to align our thinking with our actions, or vice versa. They help us to know ourselves better and experience less internal conflict. When we know ourselves, it’s much easier to be confident and accept the way we are choosing to live in the world. A list like this may inspire us to make changes that could make a small but meaningful difference in our lives, or it could change our path entirely.
If you’d like to share any thoughts this inspired, please e-mail Melissa King at melissa@myheartdances.com.
Melissa King is a life and wellness coach in New York City. She works with women on weight loss, better success in dating, and career satisfaction. Her Web site is myheartdances.com Contact her at melissa@myheartdances.com.
