Zhang Jin lived during the Ming Dynasty (1368-1644). He married a woman named Liu from a wealthy family. Zhang Jin's mother was exceedingly envious and domineering. Three of her other daughters-in-law left the family because they were unable to tolerate the mother's demeanor. Liu was the fourth daughter-in-law. Once she had joined the family, everyone was astonished that the mother-in-law was genuinely fond of her son's wife.

People inquired of Ms. Liu the reason for her mother-in-law's fondness for her. "Because of my obedience!" I follow her instructions and ignore her provocations. I won't even avoid those situations that are outside the realm of etiquette or are unsuitable for a lady to carry out. Then I bide my time until the proper moment to explain to her calmly whether or not her expectations were correct. My mother in-law thus listens to my explanations most of the time."

After Ms. Liu had served her mother-in-law faithfully for three years, the mother-in-law became compassionate and never again treated her daughter-in-law shabbily.

It often happens in interpersonal relationships that the hurt one has the attitude, "You hurt me, so I will hurt you worse." But this only escalates the dilemma, because bad is reciprocated with more bad, something that cannot solve the underlying problem.

If we react to a conflict with tolerance, no matter who might be at fault, we can take a step back and explain everything calmly, in a friendly manner. Someone said that even the most domineering individual would hesitate to resort to anger when s/he encounters compassionate words and demeanor. This might even resolve the most complex conflicts.

Let's not ignore the powerful energy inherent in compassion and tolerance!