My father-in-law, Mr. Huynh, has been diagnosed with cancer. A few months ago, a little protrusion on his right temple began swelling up. His general practitioner initially told him it was normal and there was nothing to be concerned with. In a few weeks time, the protrusion had grown to the size of a golf ball, and my father-in-law went back in to see his doctor. This time, Mr. Huynh was referred to a specialist in head and neck oncology.
Because Mr. Huynh’s English is limited, his son accompanied him to translate. The news was serious. Mr. Huynh’s cancer had produced a hole in his skull. They would need to get more tissue samples to determine the exact nature of the cancer, but he would probably need chemotherapy and radiation treatment.
The family had to decide how much of this information to share with Mr. Huynh. He knew he had cancer but he didn’t know the extent of how serious it could be, and he didn’t know about the hole in his skull.
We agonized over how much of this information to share with Mr. Huynh. If he knew everything, we feared he would go into a depression that would affect his ability to battle the cancer. Wouldn’t he need to be in good spirits to have a fighting chance? We didn’t want to risk him losing hope. Maybe deep down, it wasn’t so much that we were afraid for him. Perhaps we didn’t want to face sharing with him the fact that he could lose his life to cancer.
I called a help-line nurse to ask her opinion, and she said something that really made me think. She said we owed it to Mr. Huynh to be completely honest with him because he needed all the information in order to ask specific questions about his situation. He also needed to be prepared to make decisions regarding his treatment and he couldn’t do that if he didn’t know everything. She said it would be unfair to him to withhold information, no matter how serious or dire. Then she put it back on me. If I were in Mr. Huynh’s place, what would I to know?
That simple question brought me an ocean of clarity. I would want to know. No ifs, ands or buts. I would want to know.
We discussed this among the entire family and came to the conclusion that, no matter how serious, we would tell Mr. Huynh everything we knew about his condition. And we did.
Since an initial biopsy didn’t provide enough information about the cancer, Mr. Huynh went in for a surgical procedure to get a bigger tissue sample. We are now awaiting the test results to determine the nature of the cancer and the course of treatment.
We don’t know exactly what’s in store yet, but Mr. Huynh will know as much as we do.
Family Tip: The help-line nurse offered a few ways to find the best specialist for a medical condition. She suggested asking a trusted doctor which specialist he would refer a member of his family to. Another avenue is to ask a surgical nurse for a specialist recommendation because these nurses have direct experience with a multitude of doctors.
Ray lives in California with his wife and family. E-mail comments to raywongwriter@juno.com
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