Olympic gold medal sailor Ben Ainslie is the first London 2012 torchbearer. He sets off from the famous Land's End sign post. (Matt Cardy/Stringer/Getty Images Sport)

The 2012 Olympic flame, flown into Cornwall from Athens on Friday, May 18, will travel 8,000 miles and be carried by a succession of 8,000 nominated torchbearers on its 70-day relay around the four nations of the UK.

Thousands of excited onlookers turned out to greet the iconic flame following its arrival by special British Airways flight into the Royal Naval Air Station at Culdrose, to mark the start of a journey that will end in London’s Olympic stadium on July 27th.

People came of their own accord to see the passage of the flame that had already travelled 2,000 miles around Greece after it was ignited in Athens on May 10, before being handed to Princess Anne on May 17.

The next day, Princess Anne, who flew from Greece with the flame, carried it in a lantern from the BA plane to David Beckham who, via a London torch, lit a cauldron on the tarmac to mark its historic arrival in Britain.

The 10-week journey that commenced at the globally recognised Land’s End sign post will pass through all kinds of terrain on myriad forms of transport before its climax at the games’ opening ceremony.

Spirit and Legend
But why does the Olympic flame always fascinate people everywhere each time it starts its journey? The answer may be found in the historic symbolism of the conveyance of fire going way back and penetrating deep into a central theme of Greek legend. According to myth, the Titan god Prometheus stole fire from Zeus who had hidden it from Man. He gave it back to them, thereby bringing light to their darkness. Interestingly, the original relay race batons were actual torches symbolising the passing of fire from gods to man.

The myth epitomises the hope for an earthly civilisation that benefits mankind through human achievement in harmony with the elemental forces within nature. Maybe it’s not surprising that contemporary people, careworn by a crumbling global economy, the inadequacies of party politics, and the plethora of worries that can dog modern life, are ready to be uplifted by an atmosphere focusing on something more spiritual and idealistic.

Neither does it seem like a coincidence that church forums have organised a “prayer relay” to shadow the torch’s route at 70 overnight stop locations along its path.

Indeed there are instances from other recent torch relays that show that people will even use the event itself to stand up against the tide for something higher. One notable instance was the disruption to the Beijing Olympic torch relay, which was stopped, suppressing publicity for the objections of protesters.

Objectors were highlighting the hypocrisy of a government in apparent economic ascendancy over the rest of the world hosting the games while continuing to commit shocking human rights atrocities. This shamed the Chinese regime, who were seen by many to be contradicting the ethos of good-natured competition and humanistic fair play.

This general identification with idealism is further illustrated by people universally frowning upon the practice of using performance enhancing drugs that cheat others who have worked so hard to reach their physical peak naturally and according to agreed rules.

Peace and Fair-play
The modern public engagement in the Olympics and the fascination for the associated rituals can be traced back to the original games, which began to be held in ancient Greece in 776 BC and took place four-yearly for a thousand years. Warring cities in the region during those times stopped fighting just so that people could travel safely to the games, which celebrated beliefs in gods and acknowledged their fundamental connection to mankind.

These beliefs were not ideas but facts to people and so important that citizens obeyed the declaration of a temporary peace. While the games took place they observed a cessation of hostilities no matter what their earthly conflicts. In this there was recognition of a non-partisan and spiritual allegiance with connectedness to each other on a higher-than-worldly plane.

These ancient roots are echoed in the widespread concurrence of modern people with the ideas of tolerance and fair play that are the ethos of the modern Olympics.

The flame, lit by intensifying the rays of the sun focused onto a parabolic mirror at an ancient altar in Greece earlier this month reflects an enduring and elemental desire in people to cut out the hair splitting to-ings and fro-ings of modern politics and factional religions.

Fire, for the Greeks, epitomised the dawn of earthly civilisation. As the London Olympic flame travels Britain from the offshore islands of northern Scotland and down through the heart of the English countryside, our citizens will be reminded of the endless possibilities of human achievement to be nobly demonstrated through sport at the forthcoming Olympiad.

The Epoch Times publishes in 35 countries and in 19 languages. Subscribe to our e-newsletter.

Bracelet by Peggy Ackerly, from the book “Messengers of Modernism.” (Montreal Museum of Decorative Arts in association with Flammarion)

Avant garde artist, goldsmith, and painter, Peggy Ackerly (Marget Dorothea Ackerly) passed away September 4, 2011 at the age of 90. Throughout her long career, she was unapologetically focused on her art. Peggy first took up the brush, studying under Jacob Lawrence at the Atlanta School of Art, then Jack Levine in New York. She continued to paint throughout her life, and displayed her work in a number of shows in New York. However, another medium would provide her livelihood and primary artistic recognition. In 1943 she began an apprenticeship to surrealistic jeweler Sam Kramer in his Greenwich Village studio on West 8th Street. Kramer’s work could best be characterized as body sculpture. Much of his and Peggy’s work was large, and frequently incorporated an array of materials previously unseen in jewelry. Precious and semi-precious stones were set in juxtaposition to ivory, coral, shell, or a human glass eye. Gold and silver would be incorporated in the same piece. All aspects of a piece were painstakingly made by hand in the studio.

Peggy and her husband Bobby became close friends with Sam and his wife Carol, spreading their time between the studio in Greenwich Village, boating, maintaining a second shop in New Hope, Pennsylvania, and vacationing on Fire Island. Bobby, who had worked on developing radar at MIT during World War II, opened a boat yard in the East Rockaway harbor. Peggy and Bobby bought a 17th century Dutch mill house beside the marina in East Rockaway, where they would raise their daughter, Morgan. All of their lives revolved around the two very immersing communities: art and boating. Peggy worked with Kramer until his death in 1964, and continued to work with Carol Kramer in the studio until Peggy and Bobby separated and she left New York for Atlanta, where she had been raised and her mother still lived.

In 1968 she opened Goldbrick Jewelry on Roswell Road in the Buckhead section of Atlanta, where she would design and sell her creations up through her 81st year, in 2002. The work Peggy created in Atlanta was far more subdued than the wild, masculine, beatnik art that burst out of the Kramer studio. Her work became feminine and emphasized the beauty of the metal and stones. She gleaned the name of her studio shop from a facetious crack by her friend, Dick Monroe, a theater prop designer. To commemorate the naming of the her studio, Dick fabricated an enormous gold bullion from fiberglass for Peggy, which remained a permanent fixture in her shop. It may seem hard to imagine now, but very few women in 1960’s Atlanta had pierced ears. That was a bit of a problem, because Peggy designed her earrings to be attached with posts. To overcome this obstacle, Peggy pierced her customers ears for a modest fee. She frequently claimed that none of her customer’s ears had ever become infected from being pierced because she pierced them with a sharpened gold post which had been soldered properly (no lead solder) and she used hydrogen peroxide to prepare the ear. She ran her business with a confidence that made it appear effortless. Goldbrick was a small shop, with a pair of jeweler’s work benches and a few display cases. All of the jewelry on display was designed and made by Peggy. It was always a cheerful place with friends, artists, stone dealers, and customers dropping by to visit or talk about orders. Peggy loved visits to the point that breaking off a conversation with her was something of an acquired skill. While that may give you the impression that the name Goldbrick was more accurate than facetious, the constant stream of conversation was maintained while incessantly working, a lit Benson & Hedges cigarette dangling from her lips. By opening Goldbrick Jewelry, Peggy transplanted the concept Kramer had developed in Greenwich Village to Atlanta. It must be remembered that the Atlanta of 1965 was very dissimilar to the Atlanta of 2012. This concept was entirely new to the south, and she ran the business effectively. In 1972, Peggy bought a small brick duplex on 9th Street for $18,000, which would be her home until she could no longer live independently in the early 2000’s. She sold the duplex for $225,000.

Peggy Ackerly's jeweller's hallmark.

A story that Peggy would be disappointed if I didn’t mention, took place sometime in the 1980’s or 90’s. My memory was that it was probably in the late 80’s, but a curator at the Boston Museum of Fine Art thinks the incident occurred after the printing of Messengers of Modernism (Montreal, 1996). Regardless, one day, a couple of guys from Chicago visited Goldbrick. They explained to Peggy that they were very interested in the large body art pieces that she and the Kramers designed in the 1940’s and 50’s. They asked her to replicate a number of pieces she had designed at the Kramer Studio for them. Peggy was very excited that she was being asked to construct the large complicated pieces again, and readily complied. What the visitors didn’t mention, was that they had ordered a copy of Sam Kramer’s hallmark stamp from a toolmaker and intended to stamp the pieces with Kramer’s hallmark, and sell the art as originating from the Kramer Studio. By this time, jewelry designed in the Kramer Studio, which had always been considered art, was becoming quite valuable. This, of course, was a rather unusual art forgery scheme, in that, the orchestrators were paying the artist who had originally designed the work, to replicate the work, with the element of fraud being limited to the use of a forged hallmark. For Peggy’s obituary, I went to the FBI website to see how difficult it would be to search the archives for this case. The process seemed pretty daunting, so we are left in the dark for further details. However, when the FBI contacted Peggy after uncovering the fraud, she was more than flattered that her work had been forged and loved telling the story.

A jeweler’s hallmark consists of a symbol which identifies the artist who creates a piece. The symbol is cut into the end of a steel bar, which is struck with a hammer to leave the impression of the symbol in the jeweler’s work. It’s basically a signature. Traditionally, apprentices mark their work with the hallmark of the jeweler they work under. So, Peggy’s work between 1943 and when she left New York for Atlanta, around 1967, is marked with Kramer’s hallmark, which was a mushroom profile surrounded by a circle. When Peggy opened Goldbrick Jewelry in Atlanta in 1968, she adopted as her hallmark a capital “A” overlayed a capital “M”.

Most gold and silver work begins as a wax model that is subsequently cast in metal. Very few smiths work directly in gold or silver. Peggy worked directly in metal, sawing and beating gold and silver until it delivered her vision. Her knowledge of the properties of metal and gems was thorough. Her concepts of design, negative and positive space, were those of a true master. Whether setting stones in prongs or bezels, her work was beautifully executed. Although her designs were unquestionably abstract, she insisted that an artist must first master classical concepts before venturing into abstruse ideas.

Born on a family sheep ranch near Chugwater, Wyoming in 1921, Peggy was the epitome of the self reliant American. Her mother, Marget Dorothea Wallace of Philadelphia, an early proponent of women’s suffrage, ingrained in her the self confidence that enabled her to pursue her art and ignore the expectations of others.

Peggy is survived by her daughter, Morgan Ackerly; her sister-in-law, Mrs. G.R. Phillips Sr.; and numerous nieces and nephews.

(Liquidlibrary/Photos.com)

Candy and flowers can always be your standby gifts on Mother’s Day, but if you really want to show Mom you care, these options will surely inspire her creative spirit.

The best part—these activities can be done alone, with friends, or as potential family bonding experiences, too.

Flower Arrangement Workshops

This Saturday, May 12, head over to The Peninsula Hotel for a flower arrangement workshop with flower experts Flowers of the World. For $165, you get to keep your special arrangement as well as enjoy The Peninsula’s legendary Afternoon Tea, complete with a glass of Champagne.

You are also entered to win a gift card from Flowers of the World or a 60-minute Holistic Massage with lunch on the Sun Terrace from The Peninsula Spa. For details call 212-903-3923, visit www.flowersoftheworld.com or email diningpny@peninsula.com to make reservations.

Need some R & R? Try out the Mother’s Day Spa Packages at The Peninsula Spa for some pampering at considerably discounted prices in honor of the day.

In addition, Flowers of the World offers year-round workshops in flower arranging, a lovely way to spend time with Mom or on your own while delighting the senses.

Gift cards are available upon request. Not from New York City? Check out local florists for classes.

Plant a Garden

The act of planting together and watching a garden grow can be extremely rewarding and exciting for moms and their children. Plant a Gourmet Herb Garden as seen on Proflowers.com and you will receive all you need to make your garden grow. Then when the fruits of your labor begin to sprout, you can use the herbs to make finely flavored dishes to savor—together.

Don’t have a green thumb? The website GourmetSpot (www.gourmetspot.com/herbfeature.htm) has easy-to-follow advice about what each herb needs to thrive.

Scrapbooking

Are you a collector of miscellaneous items, hoard loose photos, and delight in random buttons, materials, or paper scraps in all colors and shades? Then scrapbooking may suit your Mother’s Day plans. It can make for an entertaining, memory-filled activity that you can do with your mom, children, or alone. And scrapbooking is a wonderful way to reduce and reuse waste by upcycling items that would end up in the trash.

Ecojot (www.ecojot.com) makes eco-friendly scrapbooks using paper made from 100% post-consumer waste—no trees cut down. And the adorable website www.acherryontop.com gives useful suggestions and guidance to prompt creative juices.

Glassworks

(Courtesy of Glassworks)

For another fun and creative activity, head over to Morristown, N.J., and visit Glassworks.

Walk in during public hours or arrange a private Moms’ Night Out or Family Night and start designing your very own fused glass project. After receiving some basic working instructions, the time is quiet and therapeutic, according to the website.

On Tuesday, May 8, Glassworks will be running a workshop on how to create fused-glass pocket vases to hang on the wall and fill with flowers.

There is a $25 instructor fee and $15 materials fee. Registration is required.

In addition, Glassworks offers many projects that would make wonderful Mother’s Day gifts, including picture frames, jewelry, and candy dishes. Items take at least two or three days to be ready (with no timing guarantees), so if you want that special gift to be ready for the 13th, you need to come earlier in the week.

If you don’t quite make it in time, gift certificates allow Mom to join in the fun, or you could take a photo of the project that’s on its way.

You will walk away with your unique project in your choice of different finishes and shapes. Find Glassworks at www.umakeglass.com or call 973-656-0800.

For the Uber-Active Mom

Ready for an adventure in the park? Take an Elliptigo for a spin! This machine is the cross between an elliptical trainer and a bicycle and gives a full-body workout. You really have to see it and try it to believe it. Contact a local Elliptigo owner to take you for a trial run: www.elliptigo.com.

Who knows? Mom may love it so much that she will join the thousands of others who already own one.

(JupiterImages/Photos.com)

Are you inspired by “So You Think You Can Dance” or “Dancing with the Stars”? Take your mom dancing.
Check out www.broadwaydancecenter.com located in New York City or Fred Astairedance classes around the nation and take her for an exciting spin around the dance floor.

These suggestions are sure to awaken Mom’s creative and fun spirit on Mother’s Day.

The Epoch Times publishes in 35 countries and in 19 languages. Subscribe to our e-newsletter.

As spring reaches its full bloom, Mother’s Day is fast approaching in celebration of the world’s mothers, motherhood, and maternal bonds. For Mother’s Day this Sunday, besides a nice pink card from the drug store around the corner, mothers would also appreciate the following gifts on their special day, ranging from flowers for traditional mothers to gadgets for tech-savvy mothers.

Carnation: Carnations have become an integral part of this special day for its representation of delicacy, durability, and delightfulness. Whether it is a bundle of pale pink or peach to match the color scheme of the holiday or a bundle of cheerful yellow, purple, and even green would sure bring any mother to a happy smile.

Fragrance: Every woman would appreciate a nice spring/summer fragrance as the season arrives. You could pick from new summer fragrances such as Marc Jacobs Daisy Eau So Fresh and Jennifer Aniston or all-time classics such as Christian Dior’s J’adore and Chanel No. 5. To put icing on the cake, unlike buying your mother beautiful dresses, you would never have to ask her for her current size.

Spa Gift Certificate: If you have a busy mother who is ambitious, energetic, and career-oriented, what she needs the most might be a quiet spa hour with a certificate from you.

A perigee moon, or SuperMoon, on May 5, 2012 near Palm Springs, California. The moon appears especially big and bright during this once-a-year cosmic event as the full moon is at its closest to the Earth in its elliptical orbit. The perigee side of its orbit is about 31,000 miles closer than the opposite, or apogee, side. (David McNew/Getty Images)

The “supermoon” —also known as a perigree moon—of May 5 lived up to the hype, with people around the world reporting sightings. The much awaited annual event occurs during the time when the moon is closest to the earth. The May 5 super moon is predicted to be the biggest one this year, reportedly 14 percent bigger and 30 percent brighter than other full moons for 2012.

People in different parts of the world came out with their families to witness this celestial event. As with all celestial events, there are different folklore associated with this one. NASA had the following to say about the event on its website: “Folklore holds that all kinds of … things happen under the light of a full moon. Supposedly, hospital admissions increase, the crime rate ticks upward, and people behave strangely. The idea that the full Moon causes mental disorders was widespread in the Middle Ages. Well, across the world people have many fabulous explanations to the super moon.”

Irrespective of all the “fabulous explanations,” star gazers took advantage of the close proximity of earth’s only satellite to try peer at the moons’ many craters and take in its beauty.

Geoff Chester of the U.S. Naval Observatory told USA Today that the moon would look even bigger when its on or near the horizon due to an optical illusion. He also said that the moon would also bring in natural changes like unusually high tides due to its close proximity with the earth, but that the effect would modest.

The Epoch Times publishes in 35 countries and in 19 languages. Subscribe to our e-newsletter.

(Andres Rodriguez/Fotolia)

If you ask my mom what is the best gift she could receive on Mother’s Day, she will say a heartfelt note, a warm conversation (even over the phone), or quality time together. My kids appreciate that kind of attention too.

Go for a Walk
Take a stroll in green surroundings—a park or along a trail. Shut off all distracting devices and spend that time being with each other. Those moments are most precious, and much can be gained from them at all ages.

Take Time to Cultivate Oneself
If you’re anything like me, time away from the kids can often nurture the spirit more than any fancy gifts. Sometimes a little down time is all moms need to recharge in order to give back to their families more fully.

Write a Personal Card
Chick Moorman, author of “Parent Talk” with over 40 years’ experience as an educator and parent, writes guidelines as to how to write the ultimate Mother’s Day card in April’s Uncommon Parenting Blog.

First, buy a blank card; don’t resort to a store inscribed one. The card makers do not know your mother.

Then he advises, “Stay away from evaluative comments such as super, fantastic, great, wonderful, inspirational, beautiful, awesome, kind, thoughtful, best, incredible, etc.”

Instead of these words that only judge, rate, rank, and evaluate, write at least three comments that describe behaviors she has done and tell her the effect of those behaviors on your life.

“This is where you recognize and affirm what she has done rather than evaluate what she has done,” Moorman writes.

He does, however, write her a personal note in his blog and says: “I am sending this message to my mother today. I know she will receive it, and it will arrive on time.”

The Epoch Times publishes in 35 countries and in 19 languages. Subscribe to our e-newsletter.

Whenever I advise people on their careers, I always stress the importance of seeking a mentor.

As a young professional, one of the managers at the firm I was working at took me under his wings. It wasn’t anything formal. I didn’t go up to him and formally request, “Will you be my mentor?” I was new and he had been there for a while. It just seemed natural for me to turn to him whenever I wasn’t sure what to do. That’s how the relationship started. As we got to know each other more, he started to include me on various projects he was working on even though I lacked experience. He literally taught me on the job, right on the spot. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was being mentored by a rising star in the company. Whenever he was promoted he brought me along with him and I rose through the ranks in tandem with him. Being mentored by him put me on a path that brought me to where I am today.

Whenever I advise people on their careers, I always stress the importance of seeking a mentor. This doesn’t apply only to young professionals. You can be a 20-year veteran or a new college graduate. There’s always someone out there who can teach you something. You can’t be delusional and think that you know it all. Don’t let your ego get in the way of career development. Don’t be afraid either. Believe it or not, people really do want to help you. Keep in mind though that mentoring is a two-way relationship; both the mentor and mentee should experience benefits. Here are five key things to pay attention to when seeking a mentor:

1. Choose a mentor whose goals are similar to your own.
2. Find someone who is on the same career path you are.
3. Do something for them (figure out how you can help them).
4. Look for someone who is successful and has a great reputation.
5. Be loyal.

Song Woo, an employment and career management expert, is the President and CEO of Lighthouse Management Group.

Despite their experience, skills, and training, older workers tend to be under-appreciated in the workforce. (Photos.com)

Ageism is as much a challenge in the workforce today as racism and sexism used to be in the past. Studies show that it is more difficult for those over 45 and unemployed to find a job than it is for younger jobseekers.

Older workers may sometimes feel unwanted, but in fact, they are greatly needed.

Most communities in the U.S. and Canada don’t realize that never before has the number of older workers been so high, with many approaching retirement. Despite their experience, skills, and training, they tend to be under-appreciated in the workforce.

The reality, however, is that employers will need to retain their older workers longer in order to meet future labour market demands.

Research shows that over the next 15-20 years the workforce will be experiencing shortages to an extent that younger workers, women, aboriginal workers, people with disabilities, and immigrants will not be able to fill.

The key to fulfilling growing labour market requirements will lie in hiring older workers and keeping them longer.

Moreover, in the current economic environment, many older workers find that they need to stay in the workforce longer to improve or supplement their financial position for retirement.

Others are finding that they want to keep working to feel strong, healthy, and vibrant and to continue to contribute in a workplace setting.

If employers simply let older workers retire without exploring alternatives with them and for them, they risk losing valuable intellectual assets that could be detrimental to their business and the economy.

Top 7 tips for the older jobseeker

1) Refresh your resume. Make your resume more relevant to the job you are applying for while reducing the size of your chronological work history. You may want to produce a skill-based resume instead. Limit anything that might lead to the stigma of being an older worker. You don’t need to list all of your positions, and under education, include only the most recent and relevant and avoid dates of completion.

2) Showcase your skills and abilities. Again, avoid anything that might lead to stigmatizing you as an older worker.

3) Make good first impressions. First impressions are important, so make sure you are at your “image best” at your interviews. This might mean getting a stylish business suit, a trendier haircut, or some hair colouring to reduce or eliminate grey hair. Employers will want to know you have the energy, stamina, and ability to do the job, and how you present yourself at the interview can be even more important than what is on your resume.

4) Use your “warm leads.” We often hear that “it’s not what you know but who you know that counts,” so make good use of your “warm leads”—your friends and your friend’s friends— when searching for your next career.

5) Keep your skills current. Attending extra courses, seminars, and workshops is key to keeping your skills and training fresh and relevant and to broadening your options. It will also demonstrate to potential employers that you are committed to continuous learning and improvement and that you will be a valuable asset to their team.

7) Think outside the box. Now is the time you can actually “reinvent” yourself. Many skills are transferable. If you have always been an accountant, there are many other types of jobs you can do that make use of the same skills. Search within yourself and see what passion is yet to be discovered or tapped.

Caroline Dafoe is the founder and CEO of Epoch HR and More Inc., an all-inclusive staffing agency focusing on the 45-plus workforce. The agency’s website is www.epochhrandmore.com.

Bandleader Wallace Henry Hartley 2.6.1878 -- 15.4.1912 (Wikemedia/Commons)

The kind and courageous conduct of the musicians who went down with the Titanic on the night of the April 14/15th, 1912, is inextricably entwined in the history of that tragic sea disaster. 

Though the eight were not even White Star Line’s employees but second-class passengers booked through a Liverpool agency, there was nothing second class about the dignified bravery this legendary band showed. They played on with familiar songs for the comfort of the passengers, despite the impending doom. Presenting in full evening wear, they played initially in the first class lounge, then on the boat deck during the iconic liners’s maiden but final voyage. 

Formerly, band members had performed for passengers not as an orchestra but separately as a quintet and trio. Yet 33 year old bandleader Wallace Hartley gathered them together for the first time on that fateful night and like the ship itself they struck up together in a first but last performance. How poignant must the classical refrains have sounded to the passengers, their hope fading, as the giant ship listed dramatically and her decks slanted perilessly towards the freezing, merciless waters of the vast Atlantic. 

The dignity of these men moved people so much in the wake of the disaster that their courage has been told and retold across a whole century. Their poise and altruism in the face of certain death remains legendary because they continued to play when it must have became clear that there simply weren’t as many lifeboat places as there were people. It continues to be a source of great romantic speculation as to what the last song they played might have been, with some enthusiasts favouring “Nearer, My God, to Thee”.

At the suggestion of a then director of The Liverpool Philharmonic Society, a plaque to the eight was erected. This was because Titanic’s viola player, John Frederick Preston Clarke, had been connected to Liverpool Philharmonic Hall in the past. The memorial, formerly situated along a back stage corridor, now graces the Hall’s front foyer.

The inscription reads:

“THIS TABLET IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY
OF W.HARTLEY OF DEWSBURY
-BANDMASTER-
W.T.BRAILEY OF LONDON
R.BRICOUX OF LILLE,FRANCE
J.F.CLARKE OF LIVERPOOL
J.L.HUME OF DUMFRIES
G. KRINS OF LIEGE, BELGIUM
P.C.TAYLOR OF LONDON
J.W.WOODWARD OF HEADINGTON

MEMBERS OF THE BAND ON BOARD
THE “TITANIC”; THEY BRAVELY
CONTINUED PLAYING TO SOOTHE THE
ANGUISH OF THEIR FELLOW PASSENGERS
UNTIL THE SHIP SANK IN THE DEEP
APRIL 14TH 1912.
COURAGE AND COMPASSION JOINED
MAKE THE HERO AND THE MAN COMPLETE”

It’s a no brainer; everyone wants to make more money. Unless you’re in a sales role or on a compensation plan that’s incentive laden, there is a ceiling to how much money you can typically earn. Two common ways to earn more is to either leave for a higher paying job or to ask for a raise. You would think that it would be better to stay put and ask for a raise. However, a lot of people leave for a higher paying job without even asking for a raise in the first place. Now, I’m not trying to tell you to strong-arm your current employer with an offer from another company, but rather ask for a raise before you start looking elsewhere if compensation is the only issue you have. So how do you go about doing that? Asking for more money is one of the most difficult things any employee can face. If you deserve it, then don’t be afraid to ask. You just have to be smart about it.

Be strategic and make sure the timing is right. It wouldn’t be a good idea to ask for more money if the company wasn’t doing well or stagnant from a business standpoint. In the same vein, it wouldn’t make sense to ask for a raise if you haven’t been meeting your goals either. As an employee, you should have a solid pulse of what’s going on within the organization and where you stand within the firm. Make sure the company is doing well and is profitable overall. It’s also important that your recent contributions have helped make the company more successful.

This can range from anything between successfully completing an important project to taking on additional responsibilities. Have something noteworthy to demonstrate why you deserve it. The worst thing you can do is to ask for a raise because you need it. The fact that you can’t pay your mortgage or that you are having another child is totally irrelevant in this case.

You have to always keep in mind that this is business, not personal. If you do ask for a raise and happen to get turned down the first time, don’t get discouraged. Moreover, don’t be disgruntled. Show a positive attitude about the situation and professionally ask what it would take for a raise to happen. Try to get a clear outline on what has to take place for the increase. You may even want to proactively ask for more responsibility on the front-end without the raise. Demonstrate that you’re not just asking for money, but instead show that you are willing to do more to merit that increase. Your boss will appreciate the positive attitude and the good faith that you’ve displayed.

Song Woo, an employment and career management expert, is the President and CEO of Lighthouse Management Group.

Writing poetry can help you express your thoughts and soothe your feelings. (Timothy Large/Photos.com)

I’ve always loved poetry, but in recent years it helped me in a way I never would have imagined. Every now and again I’d come across a poem that struck me and would even transcribe special favourites into a little book kept especially for the purpose. But being a modern mother juggling work, life, and family responsibilities, I was kept very busy with this important task for many years and had little time for verse. 

Then one day when my eldest daughter told me “Mum, I’m getting married”, I felt rather as though I’d been hit by a train. I thought, “Hang on, how can you be getting married? You are my still my little girl.” Then I looked again and realised she wasn’t – suddenly she was a young woman. 

It had all happened so fast. Being the eldest she was the first to race through babyhood, go to school, do her A levels, discover music and literature, and go to university. I’d been so engrossed in the practicalities of actually looking after her and the others that when she made her announcement, I quickly realised I was going to have to come to terms with her growing up -- and fast.

All at once we were shopping for a dress and, trying on yet another veritable meringue of a gown in a wedding shop, she said, “Mum I look like a child dressing up in her mother’s clothes.” I couldn’t help but agree. So I replied, “Ok, let’s get out of here and think again.” We went for a coffee, thought it through, and decided we needed to find something she felt more like herself in. 
Fortunately at that time Monsoon were doing a great wedding collection in traditional silks and soft ivory colours, but with a comfortable, Grecian or bohemian twist for the younger bride. She’d always looked young for her age and is still ID’d even now at 28, so we knew we were on to a winner.

Preparations advanced relentlessly but I still hadn’t figured out quite how to arrange my emotions on this. Little did I know that poetry was going to help me do just that. 

Memories of her little girl years came flashing back but hardly found the space to be contemplated properly among the hullabaloo. I recalled how, when she was tiny she had a striking, oriental look that even people we met in the street used to remark upon.

Wedding afoot, I was wondering how I was going to let my daughter go

We were left panicking at the roadside with her baby sister in the pushchair looking quizzically on as her big sister disappeared to heaven knows where through the automatic doors. It turned out she’d mistaken another woman’s bereted head for mine and followed her on to the bus. I jumped on the next one and begged the lady driver for help. She closed the doors immediately, leaving the would-be passengers mystified on the kerb as we made off in hot pursuit. 

She radioed ahead while I anxiously kept my eye fixed firmly on the back of my little girl’s head as she sat on the bus in front, her long hair still wild and knotty from the day on the beach. I remembered being bolstered by an understanding passenger calling out from the back of the bus, “Don’t worry love, you’ll get her back.” And we did, safe and sound.

Edinburgh’s historic Linlithgow Palace was booked as the venue. Her sisters were bridesmaids and her youngest brother, the page boy. We guests all took our seats after climbing the stone spiral staircase to the roofless chapel, accompanied by the haunting refrains of a Scottish piper. 

To my delight, the bride and her Scottish husband-to-be, himself a budding poet, had chosen poetry as readings to enrich their ceremony. Already feeling the comfort this might offer, I was thrilled to be asked to read one of them called “On Marriage” by Kahlil Gibran.

Next page     I noticed how reading this poem out to the gathered throng witnessing the celebration had helped me face the reality of this milestone ...

You say, “Turn the lights out,” others say, “Let’s play with fire like medieval magicians.” Turning Earth Hour into a celebration sans-electricity isn’t what the founders had it mind, but it could be a lot of fun. (Julian Stratenschulte/AFP/GettyImages)

Earth Hour strikes once a year, when overwhelming peer pressure forces you to abandon the loving glow of your television and comforting buzz of your incandescent light bulbs. If you tend to be green-minded, it’s a time to put ethics into action and turn off the lights to turn up awareness of climate change.

Well technically, all Earth Hour requires is to turn off non-essential lights for an hour. But that seems a little too easy. And boring. So here are some suggestions to take Earth Hour to the next level.

Disclaimer: Some of these ideas may not be entirely in line with the intentions of Earth Hour. For example, lighting up your neighbourhood with tiki torches (see Blackout Block Party) might negate any environmental benefits of turning out your lights. And maybe Earth Hour is supposed to be a slightly sombre affair, a time to reflect on how your being too lazy to turn off the bathroom light is making trouble for polar bears.

But who doesn’t love an excuse for a quirky night by candlelight? Nobody I know, so read on for ideas to turn Earth Hour into a night to remember.

Living Room/Backyard Campout

Depending on where you find yourself in this fine country, March 31 can still be hit or miss as far as the weather goes. So if a backyard campout sounds unreasonable, you can still pitch a tent inside.

To upgrade this living room campout, collect every cushion in the house and build what can either be a personal sanatorium or an upholstered igloo.

Of course, it doesn’t have the same feel if you can just flick on the lights when something rustles in the night, so you’ll need some flashlights to look around. And why not make the kitchen out of bounds and reclaim your hunter/forager instincts by setting up a survival scavenger hunt around the house. Hide fruit and cans of beans. When it’s time to cook, toss a couple burgers and potatoes on the camp stove out in the garage.

Preparation:

Some good stories
Flashlights and beef jerky
A songbook and ukulele
Marshmallows roasted by candlelight

What better excuse to cook hotdogs and have a beer on the front lawn than to take a stand against climate change.

Go Medieval

There was a time when light switches were a two-part instrument—tinder box and candle snuffer. Those were simpler times, with luxuries most Canadians wouldn’t willingly exchange for the Lazy Boy iPad lifestyle we have now.

But every once in a while you need a break from all this modern mumbo jumbo, so why not go medieval on Earth Hour. Turn off the lights, unplug the microwave and roast a pig over a spit in the backyard.

Okay, that might be a little over the top for the urban environmentalists Earth Hour aims to inspire. But instead of looking at it as one-hour of stubbed toes and worrisome shadows, why not make it into a real event. Don some costumes, invite the Johnsons over, and talk in Olde English Accents while sipping on mead.

Preparation:

Costumes-ponchos made from burlap sacks for the peasants, togas made from satin curtains for the nobles
Piggyback jousting matches with pool noodles.
A host of fire breathers to entertain the court

Mad Max Meets Water World

Throw a post-apocalypse survivor’s party. That’s right, the world as you knew it has ended and now all you can do is treasure the last few hours left on your iPod. Time to memorize the lyrics to “Do the Hustle.”

Alternatively, you could use Earth Hour to test your emergency preparedness. As any aficionado of dystopian movies knows, in the future things will be very difficult, and personal hygiene will deteriorate sharply.

Why not use Earth Hour to get ready for it. Pretend the Internet is broken and Pizza Hut no longer delivers. Make hot chocolate from water in your toilet tank and see how long you can go without central heating.

For extra adventure, pretend it’s the zombie apocalypse and arm yourself with nurf guns to ward off the brain munchers.

Preparation:

Fortify your house by stapling cardboard over the windows.
Fill every inch of closet space with macaroni and peanut butter
Practice using a gas siphon and ham radio

Blackout Block Party

Earth Hour can be more than an hour, so take a step back from it all and reflect on the important things in life. It can be a perfectly good excuse to invite the neighbours or some friends over and party like it’s 2003.

If you’re fortunate enough to know a few neighbours, throw an Earth Hour Block Party and bust out the Tiki Torches and BBQs. What better excuse to cook hotdogs and have a beer on the front lawn than to take a stand against climate change.

Preparation:

Get hot dogs, hamburgers and a solar powered jukebox
Headlamps for after-hours hide and seek 

The subway is a place where people seem to think it’s alright to jostle each other and just keep walking. It could also be a good place to start helping make the world a better place by being friendly to those around us.(Dreamstime)

I recently finished reading Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct by P.M. Forni, and am reminded of the good manners my parents instilled in me as a child and even more habits that when practiced can really lead to a better world.

Sadly, I am also reminded that in my approach to modern living—a lifestyle that includes living bi-coastally in New York City and Los Angeles and managing an ever-demanding career—that I have “forgotten” many of the manners I once knew.

One may suggest that once you learn to say please, thank you, and excuse me, you’ll never forget to use these phrases. My experience has been different and I now find myself keenly aware that I’m not alone in my shortcomings.

We are in a society that encourages individualism and that rewards aggressive behavior in the pursuit of money. Often, it’s winner-takes-all and people have become quite comfortable with the notion that in order to be happy, we must accumulate material possessions, be beautiful, and have a certain degree of fitness.

While I’m certainly not challenging the benefits and fun that come with accomplishment, I am suggesting that while we focus on what we want out of life, we tend to forget the needs of others around us in the most simple and random ways.

Frequently visiting the gym, I have been testing how many people will say thank you when I open the door for them. Strikingly, there is a high percentage, say 20 percent, who do not even acknowledge the courtesy with a gesture, let alone a thank you. It’s as if they’ve failed to see another human being present who did something for them.

Walking down the streets of New York, or in a subway, people seem to think it’s alright to jostle each other and just keep walking, that their rush is everybody’s, and that it’s acceptable to just push on by. People seem to think that once they have their earpieces plugged into a phone or PDA, a sanctity of space is created and a personal world with no obligation to others around them forms.

I’d like to offer an alternative, one that has existed for a very long time, one that can create a kinder and gentler existence for each and every one of us. Starting right now, remember that every other person on this planet has a life, their own agenda, good days, bad days, wants, needs, and desires—just like you and me.

Above all else, the most important thing we can do is to recognize this and acknowledge they exist. Take an interest in people around you, stop and say hello, open a door for a stranger, let someone go before you instead of pushing your way forward, let someone out of a driveway by slowing down and holding traffic for them.

Do something—anything—that says “I see you” and then smile. This is not an invitation for a conversation, relationship, or something that’s going to slow you down. No, it’s a little “hello” from one soul to another that makes someone feel special, that hopefully improves their day, and encourages them to do the same for someone else.

Lloyd Princeton is the managing partner of iMatchDesigners LLC, a matchmaking company for architects, interior designers, and landscape professionals, matching professionals to projects of all types, anywhere in the world. You can find more information about iMatchDesigners at www.imatchdesigners.com

I have a very bright preteen daughter. She wants to be a movie maker and a story writer. Indeed, she is a talented and creative storyteller and everyone who meets her cannot believe how advanced her language is and how good her stories are. So despite the potential impracticalities of this career field, I always support her 100 percent.

The problem is that she lacks the beginning stages of discipline and work ethic to do anything with her talent. It seems that typing and writing take too long or are too much work, so she stops at just telling the stories. If I don’t provide the external motivation, she will sit in front of a computer and play repetitive computer games instead of putting the new camera I bought her to use. Interestingly, I had the exact same issues as a child.

I have heard stories about children from other cultures who demonstrate a much greater sense of responsibility at a younger age, and it seems that most very successful people begin to develop their talents in their youth.

Kathy, please tell me: What steps can you take to help children to demonstrate and develop their gifts? How can you get a child to begin to understand the concepts of self-discipline and work ethic when they always seem to want to take the easy way out? I have always tried to explain these concepts to my daughter but I’m just not seeing the results.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Father

**************************

Dear Dedicated Dad,

How fortunate your daughter is to grow up in such an affirming home! You demonstrate your high regard for her every time you refer to her as “very bright,” “talented,” and “creative.”

Additionally, despite the fact that she is still in elementary school, you have validated her natural gifts and future career aspirations by buying her a camera. Your statement that you “always support her 100 percent” is made clear to her through not only your verbal affirmations of her special talents, but your willingness to encourage her by buying her the necessary equipment to hone her skills.

I certainly understand your concern that your beloved daughter appears to lack the self-discipline and work ethic to maximize her potential and achieve her dreams. Appearances, however, often mask reality. Continue to observe your daughter’s outward behavior while resisting the urge to interpret it. Rather, engage her in open-ended, casual conversations in which she feels emotionally safe to open up about her struggles. Talk to her teachers and guidance counselor about her learning style. Gather as much information as possible.

It is notable that you experienced the exact same issues as a child. Perhaps you and your daughter share a similar learning difference or experience ADD symptomology. Once the underlying cause of her puzzling behavior is identified, it will be possible to create an action plan that brings out the best in your child.

Be her advocate now and you will most assuredly be her cheerleader in the future as she successfully navigates her journey through life. With you in her corner, how can your daughter be anything less than a success?

Please keep us informed of your family’s progress by sending updates to askKathy@epochtimes.com.

Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy, to answer your questions. You can send letters with your questions to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and email address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

Spanish mustang stallion bearing dorsal stripe. (Myriam Moran copyright 2012)

Bob Brislawn was born in 1890 in Sprague, Wash., and died in 1979. During his lifetime he saw nearly a century of change from horses to spaceships. In 1914, he bought 4,000 acres in Oshoto, Wyo., and moved there. A little cottage on the place is preserved by the family near their present home.

It was in that cottage that Bob Brislawn and his wife Genevieve brought up their five children. The country can be stark in winter, and glorious and grand the remaining three months, as the joke around Oshoto goes.

Where Emmett went to do chores, his daughter Josie went. Emmett followed in the tradition of his Wyoming pioneer father. As Emmett got older, more responsibility fell on his daughter’s shoulders. An awesome responsibility it was.

The tradition began in the 1920s when Bob Brislawn worked for the U.S. Topographical Survey as a packer. He was responsible for carrying supplies on horseback to where government surveyors and cartographers were charting wilderness areas of the American West. The West was subdued, fenced, sold off, or homesteaded. Indians had been moved to reservations, yet vast wilderness areas still remained uncharted. He packed his string of horses high into the Rocky Mountains.

During this time, Bob encountered a distinct breed of horse that he took a special liking to. These were descendants of wiry, intelligent mustangs that kept mostly to themselves in separate herds on land that was too rugged for cattle or other horses.

In some respects they resembled zebras. They bore dorsal stripes down their backs, were dun or gunmetal blue, stripes on their ankles and often up their legs, bi-colored manes that stuck straight up when the horses were young, and a low croup. They were not thickly muscled as quarter horses bred for ranch work were. Their legs were right under them and the horses had A-framed chests.

Bob found that these wild mustangs were descended from the first horses brought to America by the Spanish during their conquest of Mexico, after the native horses died out in North America some 8,000 years before.

“They were the Indian ponies. They stole ‘em from Spanish haciendas and missions. Mexican vaqueros used them as the first cow ponies,” Emmett explained.

Bob, Emmett’s father, wore a 10-gallon hat. Their hats became trademarks in the western world. Emmett’s was sweat-stained and well-worn. Bob got a hat he was most partial to, it is said, from a friend that bought it from an undertaker. It was likely the property of some dearly departed. Neither man was to be seen without their chapeaux. Emmett, born in 1932, died June 1, 2010. Josie lives on Cayuse Ranch, the original family place, with her mother Gioja and brother Bige. Another daughter Aileen lives off the ranch.

Josie Brislawn with a Spanish mustang. The horses run wild in family bands, with band stallions and lead mares. They know Josie when she comes out to visit. (Myriam Moran copyright 2012)

Josie is partial to ball caps. At 47, she has been an avid rider all her life. When she gets up on one of her favorite Spanish mustangs she rides like the wind, long mane and tail flying behind her Spanish steed. She is now responsible for some 300 mustangs that run free on 4,000 acres. The land is prairie interspersed with arroyos, peaks of flat-topped rock, valleys, and sloping pastures. There are about 12 separate stallion bands on the place.

The Spanish Mustang Registry, created by Bob Brislawn and his friends in 1958, maintains high standards for admission to the registry. “It’s a look,” Josie once said. The Spanish mustang has a special look. There are different breeds among the generic term ‘Spanish mustang.’ Sorraias form the earliest primitive breed. A similar breed that descended from Sorraias are Lusitanos. Despite the differences, there is a look that defines the horse.

“Where’s Grey Eagle?” The question provoked a mysterious smile. Josie knew the inevitable would be asked. She saved a visit to the magnificent stallion’s band for late in a journey around the ranch. Instinctively she knew where each stallion band was keeping his mares. The bands didn’t mingle, they keep to their own turf for the most part.

When Josie drove the feed truck, bands would come together. Then there were fireworks. Band stallions strut, snort, shriek, and rarely fight. They posture at fighting and rear up, teeth bared, long manes flying in the wind. It provides a magical atmosphere charged with the potential of rival conflict. The ranch is fenced on its vast perimeters with plenty of space for the wild or semi-wild mustangs to roam. The Brislawn Spanish mustangs are well cared for and healthy.

When a buyer selects a foal or yearling, the horse remains with its mother and band until old enough to be separated. Then it is taken to the home place where Josie gentles it some, and halter trains it. Emmett and Josie gentle and train older horses for buyers that want a Spanish mustang that can be ridden.

Emmett was a master at working his horses with a gentle touch. He had an affinity for them. Watching him with his herds, it seemed they had an affinity for him. It may be hard to explain just how the relationship works, but there is a special sense or feeling created with these mustangs. Josie retains that heritage in her genes—as much as her bright blue eyes and winsome smile.

It takes time to create a bond with a Spanish mustang. Once they give their trust, it’s for life. It would ill-behoove an owner to violate this trust with violence or temper. Spanish horses are intelligent and partner up with their riders. Competition riders find that even the stallions are gentle and so smart that they win over much larger warm bloods because they are all heart and soul, well coordinated, and work so well with young riders.

The wonderful tradition of caring for these unique horses has been kept up by three generations of the Brislawn family. Of the Sorraia breed there may only be 200 left in the United States and some 150 left semi-wild on reserves in Portugal. Some of the finest examples of Sorraia mustangs have come from the Brislawn ranch.

“We miss him,” Josie said of her father. She was out on the vast prairie. The wind was strong enough to blow her ball cap awry despite it being tucked down tight over her short hair. She walked off a distance. A Spanish mustang stallion let her approach. At last glance Josie had an arm around its neck quietly talking. Private words shared with a special breed of horse, husbanded and saved from extinction by a special breed of person.

Dr. John Christopher Fine served as a medical missionary in war-ravaged Congo. He is a marine biologist and the author of 24 books, many dealing with health and environmental issues.

Ken Stewart waits for the train at the 59th Street subway stop in Manhattan. (Amal Chen/Epoch Times)

NEW YORK—Learning to navigate the maze of underground tunnels connecting the New York City subway—uptown, downtown, Queens-bound, local, express, nighttime hours, and construction detours—is enough to confuse any New Yorker.

Imagine you were trying to overcome all these obstacles, but you could not use your sense of sight.

“It is so natural, I don’t even know how I do it. I am sure part of it is memory,” Ken Stewart said while touring Columbus Circle subway station on Tuesday. Stewart is one of the estimated 363,000 New Yorkers with severe visual impairment, according to VISIONS/Services for the Blind and Visually Impaired.

Stewart uses a long cane to help him get around the city, but his attention to a combination of visual, tactile, and audio cues are another asset.

He is legally blind but has extremely limited vision allowing him to see mostly color contrast and limited light. Stewart uses color contrast—the difference between light and dark—to help him differentiate between objects. “The color is not as important as the percentage of contrast—the higher, the better,” he said.

Background noises for sighted people, such as the flipping of the turnstile or swiping of a metro card, provided crucial audio cues for Stewart. They help orientate him, especially at stations he is less familiar with or stations with large open areas such as Columbus Circle or Times Square.

Detectable warning strips, the yellow bumps located at the edge of many subway platforms, provide a key tactile cue for Stewart, warning him where the platform ends.

Karen Gourgey, who has been blind since birth, also finds the value in the detectable warning strips. She is, however, disappointed that they are not yet in place at all stations. “In terms of the blind and visually impaired community, we need them in every single station—without exception.”

Gourgey, who is the director at the Computer Center for Visually Impaired People at Baruch College, CUNY, uses a guide dog instead of a long cane. “I like using the dog in the subways, especially if I am going to an unfamiliar station.”

Karyl Berger shows how the color contrast of the buttons on the MTA’s new pilot help-point stations could be improved to assist the visually impaired. (Amal Chen/Epoch Times)

In addition to helping her stay away from the edge of the platform, she has trained her guide dog to help her locate exits, turnstiles, and booths.

Levels of impairment in the visually impaired community vary. Karyl Berger, who works for the Permanent Citizens Advisory Committee to the MTA (PCAC), is legally blind, but is able to navigate the city without the aid of a long cane or guide dog.

During a tour of the No. 6 line at Grand Central Station on Monday, Berger demonstrated that despite the fact she did not need any aid to get around, cues such as having yellow markers at the top and bottom of stairs are vitally important. “It has helped me from falling down the stairs,” she said.

But like Gourgey, Berger noted these safety measures are not in every station, something she would like to see changed. “It’s those little kinds of things that help people navigate the system.”

The subway system is compliant with the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), signed into law by George H. W. Bush in 1990 to ensure fair access to public areas for people with disabilities, but all three visually impaired riders pointed to additional areas that would help their specific needs. Berger would like to see the MTA consult the visually impaired community on issues that go beyond ADA compliance. “If they did a little upfront work it would go a long way,” Berger said.

Despite some criticism, all agreed they would not want to live any other place. Gourgey was born in New York City but lived in several places in the Northeast and California for four years. “When I came back, it was like being free again,” she said.

Stewart said, “New York City is the most popular place in the whole United States to have a disability for a lot of reasons: public attitude, services, and transportation.”

“I am very optimistic things are getting better and better and will continue getting better and better.”

This uncluttered bathroom is obviously untouched by teenage hands, with everything wrapped up and put away nicely.(Dreamstime)

It’s always seemed odd to me that people use hair straighteners to add wave and body to already straight tresses—along the lines of deliberately dyeing aging locks grey to make them look younger—but after years of exasperated badgering, the female progeny finally convinced me.

Actually, the salon stylist convinced me, but the progeny think they’ve scored, so why dissuade them from their misconceptions?

Because I’m not so convinced as to actually purchase a hair straightener of my own, I borrow one randomly from a female progeny of mine, all of whom received their thick, bouncy, wavy hair from their father, who certainly didn’t need or want it as much as I do, but then again, no one knows better than the average mother, none of whom is ever really average.

After I finish using whatever hair straightener that I’ve managed to temporarily usurp, I unplug it, let it cool, wrap it up, and store it away. Not that I’m being surreptitious or attempting to avoid the eye-rolling or I-told-you-so looks, but because I’ve been a mother for a long, long time, and I know that beauty care appliances, like wet towels or dirty socks, do not voluntarily adjust themselves from one spot to another.

This valuable piece of knowledge is beyond the experiential scope of the average female under 25, who’s living in or visiting her childhood home. Most of the time, I walk into a bathroom and find an ornamental curling iron, hair straightener, or blow dryer festooning the toilet tank lid.

I would prefer a vase of silk flowers, but until then, and probably for the rest of my natural life, I make sure that the appliance is cool to the touch, wrap the cord around its base, and then toss the whole thing up into the top shelf of the bathroom cabinet, up among the spare sheets.

You’d think that, after years of experiencing this, the female progeny would get the hint, but they grab a chair out of the dining room, drag it to the base of the cabinet, climb aboard, and root around sightlessly until their hand bumps into whatever it is they’re looking for. It’s so much easier than putting the appliance away in the first place.

Oh, and by the way, they usually leave the chair in the bathroom.

My youngest daughter, who still lives at home, mutters deprecations under her breath, but the eldest is more philosophical about it, “I can’t find the hair straightener,” she said to me one morning when she was visiting. “Do you remember whether you tossed it up with the blankets, or did you hide it in the hall closet this time?” She was most polite about the whole thing.

It was six feet overhead, tossed among the spare sheets in the bathroom cabinet.

Carolyn Henderson is a freelance author and writer of the blog Middle Aged Plague. In addition to looking at modern life’s oddities and ends, Carolyn is the manager of Steve Henderson Fine Art, which features the paintings of her husband, the Norwegian Artist.

I didn’t truly understand what it meant to be a good follower back then and why that was so important. It took some time and self-discovery for me to really understand what that was all about. As a young and ambitious individual who was anxious for career advancement, I learned some tough lessons. I saw my peers moving into leadership roles that I thought I deserved over them and didn’t understand why I was passed over. Lucky for me, I had a good mentor who showed me the light.

My limited definition of a leader at the time revolved around being different, standing out from the crowd, not letting others influence me, and making my own decisions. That is what was always ingrained in me as a kid. I always thought if you performed well and outperformed others you would be more deserving of advancement into leadership roles than your peers. As I learned, there are more factors that organizations look for when advancing their employees into management roles than just performance as an individual.

Knowing that I wanted a managerial role, my mentor asked me how I expected to have others truly follow me if didn’t know how to follow other leaders myself very well. That struck a chord with me. He was right. If I wanted to be a leader, I needed to be able to teach others. I can’t teach something I can’t do myself. My entire perspective changed at that moment. How do I get people to be loyal, if I don’t know how to be loyal? How do I teach people to follow instructions if I’m always veering from instructions? How do I teach others how to be cooperative and be a team player if I’m not one myself?

Song Woo, an employment and career management expert, is the President and CEO of Lighthouse Management Group.

I recently spent three weeks assisting my elderly mother with cataract surgery. She only has one eye and is very sensitive about anything involving her vision. Recently she lost her driver’s license, but was told that this surgery would allow her to get it back.

In order for her to get this surgery, she wanted to go see a doctor in another state, roughly 100 miles from her home. She asked me to assist her with the appointments and cataract surgery. I had to fly 1,000 miles three times, repeatedly rent a car, drive to her house in the middle of nowhere, put her in the car, and drive her to Shreveport where the only “good doctors” are.

The first trip down, we had a good time and laughed and joked, but the next two trips down she shouted at the television all night long (so much that I couldn’t sleep much), she constantly criticized most everything I did, and everything I tried to talk to her about was met with a very negative reaction.

As soon as we were done with the final surgery, before we even got on the interstate back to her house, she unceremoniously let me know I was “thrown out,” even though my trip home was two days away. I had to spend even more money on a hotel stay and then fly home feeling stressed-out about the whole thing.

Now she refuses to talk to me, even though I bit my tongue on a regular basis and did everything I could to get along with her and make her comfortable. We have always had a strained relationship, yet I have always done my best to start fresh with her and try again to have a good relationship.

Is this really the way it’s always going to be? Is there any way to deal with my mother so that we can have a harmonious relationship?

Sincerely,

Shocked in Shreveport

Dear Shocked,

My heart goes out to you and I completely understand how you’re feeling. My relationship with my mother was similar to your situation in many respects. (Coincidentally, my mom even had several eye surgeries due to medical issues related to her acute angle glaucoma).

I always craved a harmonious relationship with her and my innumerable attempts to establish one were met by frustration. It seemed as though no matter what I did, she found fault with me. Her relentless criticism and rejection of me overshadowed my life.

Though I spent years trying to decipher what I was doing wrong, it was a mystery to me until she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in her late 70s. At that juncture, the oncologist told her she had less than a year to live. She and I were the last two remaining members of our family (my father and brother had both passed away years earlier).

The combination of her imminent death and her dependence on me during this final chapter of her life caused her to soften toward me. She let her guard down, stopped criticizing me, and even told me that she was proud of me—an amazing transformation for my tough-as-nails, first-generation German, Holocaust-surviving mother).

Though I had waited a lifetime to hear those words, what ultimately healed my heart wasn’t her reaching out to me emotionally and affirming me. What healed me was the discovery that her issues with me were hers alone—not mine.

In your letter, you state that your mother “asked you to assist her.” You then state that you “had to” comply by doing x, y, and z for her benefit. Therein lies the crux of your stress. She “asks” and you believe that you “have to.” You are operating under a faulty belief system.

What is true and accurate is that when your mother asks you to do something, you feel as though you must do it. In reality, when she asks you for something, you are a mature adult who chooses to respond this way or that.

You do everything you can to get along with her and make her comfortable, doing your best to start fresh with her, and try again to have a good relationship. The result is that your relationship has always been strained. The belief that there is some secret formula to get your mother to change her behavior toward you is leftover residue from your childhood.

You are a mature and independent adult now and, as such, I encourage you to actively embrace the awareness that “when you choose the behavior, you choose the result.” Simply stated, you falsely believe that if you were to try harder, your mother would see how much you truly love her and treat you accordingly.

If you are willing to do whatever it takes to have less stress and more harmony in your life, it is an inside job which doesn’t include your mother. Take ownership of your painful and frustrated desire to make her love you, grieve the relationship you never had with her, accept that you may never have it, and let it go.

Your description of your mother paints a portrait of a woman who is emotionally damaged. Hurting people hurt others in their lives. I have no doubt that your mother’s past is littered with broken relationships. It’s her—not you. Let it go and make a conscious decision to work with a therapist individually or in a group setting to process your sadness and disappointment.

The only peace you will have will come from owning the fact that what you give your mom is your choice, not her mandate, and that expecting her to return your love is toxic to both of you.

If I could go back in time and change one thing in my life, it would be to have learned this lesson in my youth rather than in middle age. My relentless pursuit of my mother’s love and affirmation was unfair to both of us. On her deathbed, both of us cried at the time we wasted locked in a lose-lose dynamic. My unwillingness to own my decision to attach my sense of self-worth to my mother’s behavior toward me polluted my life, and hers, for decades.

I dearly wish I had owned my own feelings, mourned my disappointed efforts to make her love me well, and let it go. It would have freed me from the bitterness and resentment I felt for her. Rather than focusing on making her become a more loving mother, I could have instead focused on becoming a more loving daughter.

Blessings,
Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy, to answer your questions. You can send letters with your questions to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

If we can all take a moment to consider how our actions will affect others, the world can become a more peaceful place.(Scott Barbour/Getty Images)

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where a person comes up in conversation and your experience with them may have been less than pleasant, and yet the context of the current reference is positive?

While your reaction to the person may be negative, the one you’re having a conversation with feels differently and might say that “people change.” In these situations I’ve heard the quip that “a leopard doesn’t change its spots” and, therefore, a person cannot change his or her tendencies either. Well, I don’t know that I agree with this.

This makes me reflect on a quote by Viktor E. Frankl that I read in Steven Covey’s book The Eighth Habit: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

As Dr. Covey explains it, a child born poor and in “the projects” may have a very narrow area between stimulus (a person bumping into him) and his response (hitting him or just saying excuse me). The “area” is influenced by so many factors including environment, one’s upbringing, education, and so on.

While a child born into such a situation might witness violence and very immature responses to all kinds of stimuli, that child still has a choice in the matter. The choice is key to everything.

So whether getting bumped into elicits an “excuse me” or a punch, the outcome is not pre-determined. Moreover, as this child grows up, maybe has a brush with the law, or just starts to see life through a more flattering lens, a future response to the same situation could be very different and possibly favorable. I mean, why get yourself into trouble over something trivial?

Now let’s say you find yourself listening to flattering comments about someone whom you do not think quite deserving and you have to ask yourself if people can, in fact, change. I think the answer is a resolute yes.

People can change and often do. We grow up, mature, learn from life’s experiences, get therapy, take medication, and receive care from our loved ones. All kinds of things can influence the expansion of that space between stimulus and response.

One day, we may find ourselves responding differently than we once did as a child or young adult. We can realize that we have a choice in every situation and that we can change our responses, for the better, anytime we choose.

At least I will try, because we are all human and perfection is a practice, not a permanent state. Yes, people do change!

Lloyd Princeton is the managing partner of iMatchDesigners LLC, a matchmaking company for architects, interior designers, and landscape professionals, matching professionals to projects of all types, anywhere in the world. You can find more information about iMatchDesigners at www.imatchdesigners.com

Hollywood has a knack for glamorizing even some of the roughest jobs. Remember the cowboy? (Steve Henderson)

Movies aren’t real. While ostensibly, most grownups agree on this, we frequently don’t act as if we do.

It’s not so much that we look over our shoulders for zombies or vampires as that we gaze at our bathroom scales, willing the needle to move to the left. From that point we advance to the mirror and pull back the skin around our eyes. Then the bravest of us step back, turn to the side, suck in, and peer quickly at the result. Gwyneth Paltrow? Nah. Matt Damon? Yeah right.

In the movies, all normal people are skinny and young. Sometimes, when a movie wants to be grittily authentic and show actual real people like the residents of Iowa, say, they make the actor gain weight, change the hairstyle to something flat and lifeless, dress in sloppy clothes. This is the reality they want us to believe.

Most of the time, we’re shown skinny and young women with thick glasses and sweatpants, who later transform into ordinary office workers with contacts, short leather skirts, and stiletto heels that amazingly do not preclude performing martial art feats.

Regardless of whether they are falling in love or being chased by rogue federal agents, the skinny, young, airbrushed, botoxed characters of the movies hold down ordinary jobs as magazine writers. Do you know anyone who works for a real magazine?

Regardless, they all also seem to be paid really well, judging from the size of their New York apartments—all with views, most of which are larger than ordinary people’s houses, and certainly better appointed.

Everything they do looks cool, which isn’t surprising because they’re young, or made to look that way, skinny, rich, well-dressed, and continuously surrounded by background music.

Most people, when they text, look kind of silly, but not these people, because they can text with one hand while ice skating, and with a few button pushes they manage to access interior state department satellite sites closed off to the rest of us.

Car crashes are no big deal, actually multiple car crashes generally ending by flying through the air into the water. But that’s okay because our skinny, young protagonist can hold her breath for six minutes.

Females are skinny, while males are buff, and even if they’re accountants or insurance agents, they manage to casually rip off that dress shirt and flex.

They down whiskey like water. They never exercise. They speak multiple, obscure foreign languages, and number their close, really close, friends in the dozens.

None of this would be a problem if we truly separated reality from fantasy. Reality, for most of us, includes our jobs, families and friends, paying bills—all done without background music. The imaginary world is those madeup stories played by people whose primary job is to exercise for hours, eat very little, and never go out in the street without bodyguards, nannies, or makeup.

Movies are pretend. Actors are people who pretend well. The two provide entertainment, respite from our real world of unemployment, insecure bosses, rude customers, broken down appliances, anemic bank accounts, overflowing toilets—the boring stuff that makes up our everyday, difficult, yet beautiful lives.

Let’s give ourselves a break. Take a walk, by yourself, with a friend. Sit around the table and eat with your family. Read a book, pet the dog, write a letter, call your mom, learn to knit, close your eyes and just daydream.

Then, when you get bored, consider watching a movie. But make it a good one that afterward makes you feel good about being yourself and living your life, and not wishing that you were living the life of someone else—someone who doesn’t actually exist.

Carolyn Henderson is a freelance author and writer of the blog Middle Aged Plague (www.MiddleAgedPlague.areavoices.com). In addition to looking at modern life’s oddities and ends, Carolyn is the manager of Steve Henderson Fine Art (www.SteveHendersonFineArt.com), which features the paintings of her husband, the Norwegian Artist.

Today’s pontifications originate in the grocery store—my preferred locale of random human interaction—where I fell into conversation with a woman who mentioned a new eatery in town.

“Oh, the prices are reasonable,” she assured me. “A half-sandwich, a piece of fruit, and beverage came to just over seven dollars.”

Maybe it had something to do with my surroundings, but I’m thinking that I could slap some deli lunchmeat on a piece of bread, grab an apple, do my teeth a favor by skipping the pop, and have several dollars left over for the “I need more yarn because I never have enough” fund.

Does this sound weird to you?

I ask because, through the years, we get incredulous looks from people when we admit that no, we haven’t tried out the new pizza place. We make soup from scratch. We haven’t seen the latest movie yet because we can easily wait nine months and rent the DVD, which by that time won’t be assessed New Feature charges any more.

“Don’t you people live?” we are constantly asked.

“Don’t you people budget?” I have always wanted to retort, with that sweet, gentle smile of mine.

It is fundamental reality that most of us are not related to Bill Gates—unless you want to go all the way back to Adam and Eve, but I don’t think Bill takes this seriously. We operate under limited funds, the majority of which are already designated for property/income/payroll/sales taxes, auto/life/health/insurance payments, utility bills and their roster of attendant fees, gasoline, the monthly mortgage, and dog food. Are we having fun yet?

What’s left over we splurge on stuff like prescription glasses, a visit from the plumber, four new tires, and light bulbs for the bathroom.

Oh, and there’s food.

While I don’t go around asking other people what they make, I do hear complaints about how it never goes far enough, and I am properly sympathetic—because of that tax, fee, and insurance premium thing—until I notice the year, model, and number of vehicles they drive; the quantity of empty carryout boxes spilling from their overflowing garbage can; the regular garbage bags of really nice clothes that they pass on to our tribe not because their own progeny has outgrown them, but because the stripe on the side is a different color this season.

I understand the desire to have new, fun stuff, and if we weren’t already obligated to pay for demanding intangibles that we can’t see or really enjoy, then I’d probably splurge on more of it. But with the little bit we have left over, we make soup and set aside funds—for emergencies, for a highly anticipated family outing, for an automobile purchase five years in the future.

We try hard not to be judgmental, but at the same time, we find it hard to be sympathetic when the same people who call us boring moan because their hours got cut down, and they’re seriously considering cutting cable TV. (Our TV, a castoff, lies silent until 99-cent DVD Thursdays.)

This is economics: Most of what we make is taken up by purchases that do not directly benefit our daily lives.

Because individuals—unlike government—cannot create more money out of nothing, we are forced to make do with what we have, meaning that:

1) We can’t buy everything we see, but
2) We can still have special, beautiful things if
3) We don’t fritter it all away in little increments first.

Carolyn Henderson is a freelance author and writer of the blog Middle Aged Plague (www.MiddleAgedPlague.areavoices.com). In addition to looking at modern life’s oddities and ends, Carolyn is the manager of Steve Henderson Fine Art (www.SteveHendersonFineArt.com), which features the paintings of her husband, the Norwegian Artist.

My 15-year-old daughter has become a complete stranger. For the last 14 years she was a lovable kid with good values. Overnight, it’s like someone flipped a switch and turned her into an alien.

She argues with us about everything, sneaks out to spend all of her time with lowlifes, and has started dating a total loser. Her boyfriend is into body art—he looks like a freak. Also, my daughter used to be on the honor roll at her school. She’s barely passing this year.

I have always treated my little girl like gold and I don’t understand why she’s destroying her life. Can you recommend a counselor for her to talk to?

Confused in Connecticut

************************

Dear Confused,

The teen years are often tumultuous for parents; you are certainly not alone in your predicament. How is your support system in terms of family and friends? This is the time to reach out to positive people who know and love your family. If you don’t have enough of a proactive support network, I suggest that you join a group for parents facing similar issues.

The Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society (EGPS) and the American Group Psychotherapy Association (AGPA) are good resources for those interested in group therapy. A certified group psychotherapist (CGP) who is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and specializes in adolescence may be a real asset to your family at this trying time.

I think that it will be most productive for you to see a counselor and process some of your feelings before your daughter is invited to engage in the therapeutic process.

This is a painful and confusing time for the whole family. From your perspective, you have treated your daughter like gold and she appears to be repaying your love and support with rejection and anger. Of course you feel confused—who wouldn’t?

For the majority of us, the adolescent years are a wrenching search for identity and belonging. Try not to take her acting out personally. Rather, reflect on how you and your peers responded to the inner turmoil of those years. If your daughter habitually argues with you, choose your battles wisely.

Her grades are significantly more important than whether or not her room is tidy. Remember that “B” means “good.” It may not make her eligible for inclusion on the honor roll; however, for now, it may be good enough.

You refer to your daughter as your “little girl,” her friends as “lowlifes,” and her boyfriend as a “freak.” I am sure it seems like just yesterday she was your little girl. Today, though, she is a young woman. She will choose her own friends as well as whom she dates.

My advice is to make a conscious commitment to actively look for the worth in her companions. Encourage her to invite them over, serve something they like to eat, and get to know them in a casual and friendly way. Children raised in good homes usually find their emotional bearings more easily than those raised without the love and support with which you have clearly provided your daughter.

Offering to get to know the people in your daughter’s life without judgment or prejudice will often diffuse a lot of the resistance and hard feelings in the situation.

I strongly suggest that you meet with your daughter’s guidance counselor and teachers in order to rule out the possibility that she is responding to some type of trauma. Additionally, I would consider scheduling her for a full medical and psychological exam to rule out substance abuse issues or mental illness, especially if there is a family history of either.

Although your situation sounds like a garden variety case of teen angst, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Please keep in touch and let us know when the alien is replaced by the daughter you raised!

Until Monday,
Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed. in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy. To address your concerns, please send your letters to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

My husband and I have a bright, active, 2-year-old son and busy full-time jobs. We get very little time to ourselves, and it is rare for us to get a date night together.

But when we do get this time to ourselves, my husband spends half of his time fiddling on his cell phone, and seems very distracted. He also does this at home during meals, and every other time that we seem to have some time to ourselves, or time together as a family.

How do I get my husband to pay attention to me instead of his cell phone? I know that he is busy, but shouldn’t there be some sacred times where he can just leave it at home or away from the dinner table?

Signed,
Depressed in Denver

***********************

Dear Depressed,

Truth be told, delightful as children are, an aphrodisiac they are not. With busy full-time jobs and an active toddler, it’s no wonder that creating “couple time” is a challenge. I strongly advise you to commit to a long weekend trip for just you and your husband. Rediscover each other, play together again. As for childcare, extended family members can be a wonderful resource.

I urge you to make a conscious decision to choose to believe that your husband has a valid reason for fiddling with his phone. Perhaps he is overwhelmed by his job responsibilities, suffering from generalized anxiety, has ADHD, or is finding it difficult to create a clear boundary between work and home.

If you approach this issue with warmth and understanding, you will maximize the odds that you and your man will reach a mutually satisfactory solution. You may even find out that he feels equally unimportant to you and responds enthusiastically to your reaching out to him.

Assess the possible reasons for your depressed state. Are you exhausted by working outside the home for long hours and then coming home to a little one and a mountain of housework? I am a big believer in the therapeutic benefits of household help. If you can afford even four hours of a professional cleaning person per week, you and your husband will be spared the heavy cleaning chores (mopping the floors, scrubbing the bathroom(s) and kitchen, etc.). Think about coming home to a clean house and relaxing together as a family instead of coming home to the second shift.

Do you have a history of depression? When was your last complete physical exam? Are you less than fulfilled by your career? I think that you will be well-served by slowing down and giving yourself permission to take a break and relax. Plan dinner with a friend, take a course in a subject you are interested in, sign up for an exercise class.

Very often, once we marry and have children, we subjugate our own needs to those of our families. I will tell you from personal experience that the old adage remains true, “When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Give yourself permission to devote some time and energy to healthy self-care. It is impossible to give to others from a depleted well.

Please keep us updated on your journey. My thoughts are with you!

Until Monday,
Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed. in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy. To address your concerns, please send your letters to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

Rose and Ken Meier on their wedding day, Jan. 27, 1952 in Chicago. (Courtesy of Rose and Ken Meier)

It’s the dream of every young couple, to be happily married and happily grow old together. It worked out that way for these two couples, who have both been married for 60 years. They said staying together was easy because divorce had never occurred to them as an option.

Bill and Virginia Killingsworth met in high school. They got married on Jan. 26, 1952 in Pasadena, Calif. Ken and Rose Meier, also high school sweethearts, coincidentally married one day later, in Chicago.

Bill and Ken both served in the Navy. Their paths converged at the Coronado Naval Base in San Diego some 50 years ago. They raised their children together and went on many camping trips together, forging a close friendship until the Meiers moved to Kennebunkport, Maine.

A few days after their 60th anniversaries, they had a reunion at the Killingsworth home in Coronado, sharing fond memories and laughter, and reflecting on their 60-year marriages.

“We never thought of divorce,” they said unanimously.

“We may have thought of killing,” Virginia jokingly added, “but we didn’t think of divorce. You didn’t think of separating or divorcing if you had a problem—you worked it out.”

“When we married, it was for life,” Rose said. “You married because you loved each other, and that was it.

“We’ve had our differences,” Bill said. You learn to work them out, and you make concessions. If you think you’re right, that’s wrong. You can’t always have your own way.”

They said they were “depression babies,” when times were different and when having a lifelong marriage was the norm.

They all agreed that the old way of men going to work and women staying home, taking care of the children, was the best way of keeping the family together. And there was no such thing as living together before marriage, they said.

Bill and Virginia Killingsworth were married on Jan. 26, 1952 in Pasadena, Calif. (Courtesy of Bill and Virginia Killingsworth)

Ken said he thought the high divorce rate nowadays was a result of people wanting instant gratification and instant happiness, and if they don’t get that, they think they have to look someplace else, but that’s not the case. Having gone through the Great Depression and the rebuilding of the country, Ken said it taught him that the secret to a close relationship is that one needs difficulties, and one also needs the enjoyment of each other.

Virginia said she and Bill also thought having a common hobby was a good thing, so the whole family went on a lot of bike rides.

“In our time, we didn’t have television, but we read a lot of books, and we engaged in a lot of activities at home with the children,” Ken said.

Rose shared a little secret of hers: She said a sense of humor is important, and it’s got to be fun. “You’ve got to be able to laugh off things that happen. I told all my kids when they were married to keep a sense of humor. We always have fun, all of us,” she said.

Loud music is not only a public safety issue, it cuts you off from the people and life happening around you. (Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

“Do you want Beethoven to be the last thing you hear?” This question is posed by a public safety ad in San Francisco targeting pedestrians who walk wearing headsets, listening to music, or talking on their phones, born from a spate of fatal accidents where people have been hit by transit vehicles.

Similar campaigns have popped up in Texas and are undoubtedly under consideration in many other states. Join this to the 2011 National Safety Council statistics that 28 percent of all traffic accidents, or 1.6 million accidents last year alone, are caused by cellphone use.

Surprisingly, the statistics suggest that talking on your cellphone is 12 times more likely to cause an accident than texting while driving. I’m not sure I agree with that one, but I think we get the point. This article is not a public safety message (although it seems like that wouldn’t be a bad idea either), but more of a public awareness message: awareness of missed opportunities.

While recently at the gym, I was perplexed by the number of people keenly focused on their phones—reading messages, scrolling for music, having conversations, and just fiddling and browsing the Internet. What they were not focused on was working out or the people around them. For example, they didn’t even seem to notice that others were waiting in line for the piece of equipment they were supposed to be using. Then again, the theme of this article is not about manners or keeping other people waiting either. I want to go deeper.

What if you are single and looking for a mate and that special someone passes you by while you are engrossed in your phone? I’d say that’s a missed opportunity you might regret. Or what if when you are walking along deciding which playlist to select next, you fail to notice some dropped money on the ground that would really help you pay this month’s rent? What if you are walking to the subway more slowly because you are busy texting to your friend that you might be late and you just miss the train. Now you are definitely late!

Not persuaded? You don’t need a romantic partner and are not worried about being distracted and causing an accident? Consider then what you are missing when you are not silent and open to possibilities. You are not allowing yourself downtime, time for reflection, or even time for your adrenal system to rest for a moment.

It has already been proven that multitasking is not efficient and that tasks take longer from all of the starting and stopping, so scratch that excuse. Also, the number of fatigue disorders and illnesses caused by stress increases every year. More and more, people feel drained, unenthusiastic about life, and as if there is not even a purpose for them to live.

Quiet time allows us to think about problems, situations, the future, the past, and to just listen to what the universe has to say to us in response to our thinking. Allowing ourselves some mental peace and quiet can yield amazing results for our health and well-being. It’s not magic, it’s just common sense.

Apparently, common sense is not in high supply right now as is evidenced by the 16-year-old who went walking on train tracks with his headphones on (and I gather playing music extremely loudly) and didn’t hear the whistling of the train. We will never know what his life may have yielded for himself and others.

Lloyd Princeton is the managing partner of iMatchDesigners LLC, a matchmaking company for architects, interior designers, and landscape professionals, matching professionals to projects of all types, anywhere in the world. You can find more information about iMatchDesigners at www.imatchdesigners.com

Fiona Harrold is one of the country’s foremost business and personal mentors and author of Be Your Own Life Coach: How to Take Control of Your Life and Achieve your Wildest Dreams. Here are her tips for getting the best out of your work situation.

Don’t let unemployment stop you developing
One of the great frustrations for people out of work, apart from general money worries, is that when unemployed they are under-using themselves. We all have an innate urge to be of good use. However, you don’t have to wait to be in a job to put yourself to use. Decide which skills you want to polish. Decide where you want to take yourself and where you want to use your skills. You can find a place to volunteer and hone new skills in a day, in an hour, in a heartbeat. The worst thing you can do is wait for the job or role in which you can express yourself to come to you. An opportunity may instead spring from your proactively engaging in a given sphere. You will also significantly grow as a person. 

Make the most of your current role at work
Take responsibility for your experience of work. You need flexibility and you need to be of service. In fact, think of yourself as self-employed. Ask yourself, how can I be more useful? What does this company need? What are my direct competitors (both inside and outside the organisation) offering? What are the gaps in this company? It’s all about being the brightest problem-solver in the building, about being influential and great to be around. 

Plug those CV gaps
Is a lack of the right education or qualifications blocking your path? Identify the problem. Do something about it. We are in fact living in an affluent country and there is every opportunity to advance ourselves. There are free courses. There are courses for everything under the sun, from IT to floral arrangements. We don’t have to walk miles just to get water like some of the Earth’s citizens do. We’re living the dream and there’s truly nothing that we cannot do if we put our minds to it. None of us is living very far from people who have enough money but are time-poor and willing to pay us for some service we can offer. There are so many things we can do to earn money quickly. Just find a service, get the training and skills it requires, and start doing it a little better than other people. 

For more advice from Fiona on how to leave the world of failure in the job market behind, visit www.fionaharrold.com

Sonia Ducie Dip.CSN.AIN is author of Numerology, Your Personal Guide To Life and teacher at the UK Connaissance School of Numerology. She gave the following guidance on building better finances:

Positive change
Growing wildly in popularity, Numerology is the science, psychology, and philosophy of numbers, and it is based on the numbers 1 to 9. It’s the study of cycles and patterns in life. Numerologically, the year ahead is a 5; therefore, it is going to be volatile, but also exciting as it brings positive change. To benefit from that change, the auspiciousness of a 5 year must be met by your own positive actions.

Be yourself
You are your biggest resource. To make money you must recognise your gifts and be yourself. 

Do what you love
We know that energy follows thought. When you have a real love and passion for something that you produce, sell or talk about, you are much more likely to attract money.

Next … Be flexible and adapt

By Mary Byrom

 That happened last week when I set up to paint in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

By Mary Byrom

 I’ve been having a great time painting this winter. For the past 8 weeks I’ve been in Portsmouth, New Hampshire painting subjects that I’ve never painted before…

By Mary Byrom

 …man made objects, buildings, machines, ships, bridges, metal, industrial things….dark, gritty, heavy, non-cozy, non-pastoral stuff.  

By Mary Byrom

 Not really what you’d call friendly, or human-sized, it’s the substance of big industry.

By Mary Byrom

 I’m painting this industrial landscape with fellow painter Barbara Carr who is just as interested in this new subject as I am.

By Mary Byrom

 We pick a general location every week then scout around to see what has shown up. Portsmouth is a busy seaport, the setting changes all the time.

By Mary Byrom

  Right now the well-known and well-used Memorial Bridge, an aging drawbridge, is being removed so a new one can be built in the same location.  

By Mary Byrom

 Unusual looking tug boats have appeared to move the barges and cranes for the workers as they dismantle the bridge.

By Mary Byrom

 Its a big deal. Hundreds of people love this bridge. It’s the only one you can walk across to get to Kittery, Maine. Everyone comes by to see the “de-construction”. 

By Mary Byrom

 We were lucky to find a quiet corner.  

By Mary Byrom

 Barbara wasted no time locating her spot and setting up.

By Mary Byrom

 I sketched in my design.

By Mary Byrom

It wasn’t easy. Not only did the barges move around while we were painting…

By Mary Byrom

…but the reason they were moved soon became apparent. A huge ship needed to get up the river, and one barge was in the way. 

By Mary Byrom

 It looked like a tight fit getting through the channel.

By Mary Byrom

The ship was so big that the tugs had to keep the barges and cranes in place as it passed.

By Mary Byrom

All kinds of frameworks are being put in place to dismantle the remaining sides of the bridge.

By Mary Byrom

A visit from Captain Leo Smith of the tugboat “Miss Stacy” made our day! How often does the captain of your subject visit you?

By Mary Byrom

Then as if that wasn’t enough… the next group of experts to arrive were from the barges. Emmanuel Jefferson(on right) is the operator of the monster red crane I was painting ! 

By Mary Byrom

These ironworkers usually work in the Chesapeake Bay region and wanted to see what these northern artists were painting. 

By Mary Byrom

Heck ! The pressure was on. Get those painting done. Back to work!

By Mary Byrom

Its a real party scene down by the bridge. People pour in all day, looking, chatting, taking pictures and watching everything the workers do.

By Mary Byrom

Jeff Weaver stopped by after finishing a painting he started the day before when the crowds were so thick he couldn’t even find a place nearby to park. 

By Mary Byrom

We kept painting until sunset. 

By Mary Byrom

The scene on the river keeps changing. Tugs, cranes and barges move around.

By Mary Byrom

When they stopped work for the day the two tugs tied up on the barge anchored in the middle of the river. They were all lit up. It looked like a small industrial island.

The Landmark Forum can help you explore what matters and what doesn't in life. (Jonathan Nackstrand/AFP/Getty Images)

Recently, having held out for long enough, I yielded to gentle pressure from friends and family and “did” the Landmark Forum, a guided self-improvement forum, if for no other reason than it seemed like great value for money at £380 for a three-day intensive (40 hours) course of life coaching -- or, to put it another way, for a kick-up-the-backside-get-your-life-together kind of a course, it seemed really rather reasonable. 

So, I did it! It turned out not to be as “eye popping” as my Centrepoint Therapeutic Community experience had been in New Zealand during the 1980s, to where I’d taken off on a whim, kids in tow, leaving London behind, and staying for six months. 

At Centrepoint, it wasn’t unusual to have participants who’d been sent by enlightened Auckland GPs to take part in the infamous three-day and night “lock in” seminars, where all manner of even the most personal, personal problems would be scrutinised and resolved. Those were the days!

You may (or may not) be relieved to hear that Landmark is staid by comparison; nothing “weird” happens in the Landmark Forums.

But the Landmark programme does comprise what I call a “wellbeing agenda”, with Buddhism, psychology, existential philosophy, drama, and stand-up comedy all rolled together into one big show, so that each day, most of us emerged feeling inspired and resolute, and definitely never bored.

This is how it went: inevitably, I arrived late that first morning – a lifelong habit. I sidled in not wanting to be noticed and took the nearest seat in the back row planning to coast it as an “observer”. 

Our leader, Alan, was perched on a high stool, centre stage. First impressions were of a stern character, in his early 40s, horn-rimmed specs and hair slicked back, similar to the style worn by my brillcreamed father in photos circa 1945. 

Alan was barking at the group in a strong Scottish accent mixed with an American twang. He was announcing the rules to the 150 participants who were of all ages and from every profession and trade, making up a typical mix of Brits plus other nationalities. 

We were seated in rows facing front; the rules seemed sensible, nothing too onerous. “Please do not leave the room before the breaks, please do not take notes,” came the bark. In fact many of us did both but nothing was made of it.

Alan continued, “No drinking alcohol for the duration of the course.” 

“Oh no, I hadn’t expected that,” I grumbled. 

“You’re the architect of your own stuff, you can be free of it and be happy”    

The practicalities over, he drew a large circle on a white board with two small wedge shapes drawn in. Pointing to each wedge he explained: “This is what we know and this is what we don’t know. All the rest is where our blind spots are. Landmark will help you open them up. Landmark will help you find out what’s possible as a human being by ‘trying on’ new views of life that you don’t necessarily agree with.” 

“Hmmm,” I muttered cynically.

Alan’s spiel sounded scripted, (it is), and a touch patronising. But, it got better: he grew on me, especially when his talent for comedy kicked in with off-script anecdotes and funny asides.

Then it was time for “Sharing”. I winced at what seemed to be a jargon word but told myself, “Sandi, you promised Lisa [my daughter and a Landmark ‘graduate’] to go with it, to not rubbish it, to give it a chance.” 

Volunteers were invited to come up to the microphones set up on each side of the stage. 

First to brave it was Carolina: “I’m not living, I act like a robot and its work, home, family, with no joy.” Alan begins gently to dig, to push her: she opens up and talks about an alcoholic, abusive father who’d been weak and not there for her, so that at 16 she began using drugs. Now, she’s drug free but still doesn’t feel good enough -- her life is not working. 

“So, it’s about your father,” Alan roars, pacing up and down the centre aisle. “It’s no coincidence is it, it’s always someone else’s fault! You won’t like the truth if you have to change your mind about ‘the Father story’ – how he did this, how he did that – your husband too I expect.” She gulps, wipes her tears and nods at this new insight. “We have the life we are committed to, blaming others. Look in the mirror. No one is there for you, are they! That’s what you think!” More gulps and nods.

“YOU constantly wreck relationships and …” Alan pauses for effect, “you get something out of it! You are inauthentic!” Alan says this last word minus the “T” in what I thought was a fake American accent, which made me cringe at first until later I learn he lived there for 15 years – so fair enough.

On next page   Next was Jackie, tall, slim, mid 40s. She wore a haunted expression, yet was attractive. 

Tigers all have water to play in and enhancement programs that keep them from getting bored at Big Cat Rescue (Myriam Moran copyright 2012)

“Sher Khan was bred to be a white tiger. He’s not white so they rejected him. He languished for four months in a pet carrier,” Phyllis Middaugh said. Phyllis is a retired teacher and dedicated volunteer at Tampa’s Big Cat Rescue. She was just promoted to Senior Animal Caretaker at the center and proudly wears her new green sweatshirt.

“Our volunteers wear red, yellow, green, and blue. Blue is the master.” Phyllis was overjoyed with her new status, earned after four years of volunteer work. It meant that she can now clean the enclosures of lions, tigers, and leopards without going inside. “I go around the outside with a bucket and plastic bags. I use a ten-foot pole with a hoop at the end.”

Not everyone gets to scoop out mounds of tiger poop just for the privilege of being near big cats. Volunteers that work at Big Cat Rescue love their jobs. “I came out here the day I retired and thank God every day,” Phyllis beamed, admiring the largest cat they have, magnificent Sher Khan. He was inside his enclosure sleeping away on his side, while his companion, China Doll, another rescued tiger, slept on her back. She is beautiful and complacent, totally at home in the surroundings, a big paw on the rebar metal enclosure.

“Carole Baskin, our founder, found Khan at a pet auction. He was emaciated, his baby teeth were rotting. Carole brought Khan here, gave him water therapy, good food, and vitamins. He was not a happy tiger. Then a lady called the center. She wanted to get rid of a female tiger so Carole took in China Doll and she is Khan’s perfect companion,” Phyllis explained.

Three-legged Serval rescued when it was abandoned and found in the desert in Arizona (Myriam Moran copyright 2012)

Carole Baskin and her husband Howard are real estate investors. Carole originally bought 55 acres within the city limits of Tampa for investment in 1992. The place needed grazing so Carole went to a pet auction to buy alpacas to graze the land, and wound up buying a baby bobcat.

That bobcat passed away just recently at about 20 years of age.

Carole decided to find another bobcat to keep the first company. She accounts on her website how her and her husband went to Minnesota and found 56 bobcats at a “fur farm,” where she was shocked by the conditions. Carole brought all 56 bobcats back to Tampa and put them up for adoption.

The adoptions worked until the bobcats reached maturity, and people gave them back.

As a volunteer, she takes people on tours of the sanctuary, but many animals are in their enclosures in areas that are not on the tour. Some have been abused by people or exploited in roadside zoos and circuses.

Next…Jungle cats are bred in captivity for the entertainment industry

Angular, modular, stackable shapes. Whereas the Norwegian Artist finds them in nature, I collect them from the grocery store.(Steve Henderson)

Sometimes this frugality thing goes too far. So says the Son-and-Heir, who is singularly unimpressed by the toys I magically create for the toddler out of nothing (“junk” he calls it), but maybe he’s just irritable because it’s his job to take the trash out each week.

My latest conception was a tambourine and a drum and an interactive puzzle, which to the uninitiated looks like six used thread spools rattling around in an empty 50-CD disc holder. This kept the child entertained for, well, a good 45 seconds, which isn’t bad considering that the average $20 purchase at the box store lasts 10 seconds longer than that.

When you remove the thread spools from the CD case, and if you aren’t too particular about authenticity, you now have great little people for the dollhouse. On another day, they’re aliens.

My fascination with plastic products stretches back decades, when my childhood bath-time companion was an empty dish detergent bottle that, except for the spout at the top which was disappointingly too small for a head, looked like a lady in a white dress. When she wore out or ripped or caved in beyond repair, another was always ready to take her place. And sometimes, when there were two at a time, we had a jolly tea for three.

While on the one hand this stuff is garbage, think for a minute: If you were alive in 1365 and carted your macaroni and cheese around in ceramic pots and someone handed you an old, bright yellow margarine tub with a lid, wouldn’t you get excited? It’s lightweight, doesn’t break, and seals in freshness.

My preponderant weakness is for the metal canisters that hold flavored coffee. They’re small, cute, modular, and every time I see an empty one of these I think, “There’s surely got to be something that we could do with these things.”

I must frequently speak the sentiment aloud because the Norwegian Artist (my husband), while it would be rude to leave the room, does avoid eye contact when I pick up the empty boxes and eye them.

“No,” he has lately taken to saying, circumventing the issue before it becomes one. “I can’t use them in the studio, paint tubes won’t stack in them, brushes would fall out, I don’t use crayons, and I can’t see any possible reason why I want or need them.”

Once in frustration he counterattacked, “Why don’t you see if you can use them in the sewing room?”

Not a bad idea, only I couldn’t find anything to fit in them other than used thread spools, and I’ve already got that one covered. So with a sigh I throw them away.

The other day someone gave us a flavored coffee box of monumental proportions, and while it’s not metal, it does have a lid. And it sure looks like something you’d put things in after the coffee powder is gone.

I don’t mind the pathetic part if I can be cute as well, and the Norwegian doesn’t have to panic, because this massive new box is the perfect size to hold a stack of empty six-ounce yogurt cups, which everyone knows make great drinking glasses.

Carolyn Henderson is a freelance author and writer of the blog Middle Aged Plague. In addition to looking at modern life’s oddities and ends, Carolyn is the manager of Steve Henderson Fine Art, which features the paintings of her husband, the Norwegian Artist.

An illustration from the novel "From the Earth to the Moon" by Jules Verne drawn by Henri de Montaut. (Henri de Montaut/Public Domain)

When people gazed at the moon it used to evoke a sense of wonder and mystery, at the planet that dared venture so close to ours, shining down rays of romance through the cold nights. Chinese stories told of fairy kingdoms, and author Jules Verne told adventures about trying to reach it.

Although some of this mystery faded with the 1969 moon landing when we saw its desolate surface, some of that original wonder has been kept alive in letters left to history.

In 1950, the American Museum of Natural History’s Hayden Planetarium began soliciting letters from the public, inviting them to reserve their seats for the first space flights. This was a promotion for its Conquest of Space exhibition, but letters were received from all over the country.

A group of four children, aged between 5 and 15, wrote to reserve their flights on April 24, 1953. They stated, “As you have several thousand applications now, I trust that the later flights will doubtlessly not be entirely scientific … Saturn and Venus should be beyond our means, so please put us down for either the moon or Mars, whichever you think more interesting (versus economy).”

One person from Minneapolis sent a letter in 1953 booking a flight for the May 30, 1975, flight to the moon. The person, an amateur photographer, came across a magazine article for the proposed flight, and inquired about the lighting of the spacecraft, and whether it would inhibit their ability to photograph to moon.

The person said the magazine stated “there is nothing to scatter the blue light of the sun and produce a blue sky; therefore the heavens appear black by day as well as by night,” and so was wondering whether they would need a black light or “violet-ray apparatus” to get the right lighting for a photograph.

Another letter, from a student named David, stated his class was studying astronomy, and “After reading some books on astronomy I decided I would like to go to the moon and mars.” He wanted to go to the moon because it “would be very interesting with all of the volcanoes.” He enclosed a self-addressed envelope, requesting information on how much the reservation would cost.

An eighth-grader, Miss Mona, made a reservation for the 1975 moon voyage, noting she would be around 36 at the time of the flight, and offered to pay for her space clothing and equipment.

Of course, the moon was not the only place where flights were claimed to be heading. Venus, Mars, and Saturn were also on the list. An official Interplanetary Tour Reservation sheet from the Hayden Planetarium included a check list for which planet the applicant wanted to go to.

There was also a “Space Ship Time Schedule” sheet with estimated travel times to each planet. Traveling at 25,000 mph, it stated it would take nine-and-a-half hours to go to the moon, 44 days for Venus, 75 days for Mars, 666 for Jupiter, or 1,333 for Saturn.

“I am sending my reservation now,” states the letter. “Please reserve a seat for me, because I want to be aboard the first ship that leaves the earth.”

Dear Kathy,

I am starting graduate school after not being in a demanding academic program for two years. I am starting to feel stressed out due to the social implications of this new lifestyle, especially since most of my courses require me to be in the spotlight for class participation, which often requires me to be the center of attention.

As I am not comfortable when the light is on me, and I have a strong competitive streak and desire for complete mastery of every subject matter, I am finding it challenging and stressful to feel comfortable living up to the demands of academic excellence, as well as comfort and confidence in the social aspects of the program.

I particularly feel that it is sometimes hard for me to know how much I should listen, pay attention, make eye contact with the professor, take notes, smile and be sociable, or remain aloof and low-key. I am also having trouble figuring out how to develop my self-confidence in a social setting, since I want to be comfortable and relaxed in my own shoes … but I do not know the best method of accomplishing this feeling of self-assurance, ease, and supreme calm.

I am wondering if I should purchase an online e-book that teaches me how to improve my self-confidence, but overall, the demands from all areas that I have listed are beginning to unnerve and worry me about my competence as a human and a functional, responsible individual.

Are these feelings normal? How can I overcome some of my problems, and what exactly do you think is the matter with me?

Please suggest any methods that will help me have the best, happiest, most satisfying, and calmest experience possible in a way that leaves me feeling fulfilled rather than drained and demoralized.

Thanks a lot in advance for any help and insight.

Sincerely,
Struggling to Adjust

***********************

Dear Struggling,

You are clearly bright and academically oriented. Kudos to you for maximizing your intellectual potential in graduate school. Life transitions are stressful for all of us. Experiencing anxiety as you adjust to your new environment is completely normal. I suggest you take student life one day at a time and give yourself permission to achieve your goals incrementally. In lieu of striving for “complete mastery of every subject matter,” allow yourself to strive for excellence. Your personal best is far more attainable than perfection.

My advice is to make an appointment at the school’s counseling center in order to process your anxiety with an experienced clinician. Additionally, join one or two student organizations that interest you. Attending meetings and related activities is a low-key way to meet other people, many of whom are likely addressing similar issues.

Consider joining the professional association in your field of study. Students who join at a reduced membership rate are afforded the opportunity to network with established professionals. The more people you meet, the greater the likelihood that you will make connections with others who have at one time or another faced the issues you are currently dealing with.

Additionally, I suggest scheduling a complete physical with your primary care physician. If you do not presently have a doctor with whom you can schedule an appointment, ask for a referral at the school’s health center. At your medical appointment, ask the physician to evaluate your eating and sleeping habits. If you are routinely eating fast food on-the-go and pulling all-nighters, I strongly urge you to adopt a lifestyle of healthy self-care. Treating your body with respect will provide you with emotional, as well as physical, benefits.

Until Monday,
Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed. in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy. To address your concerns, please send your letters to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

Snow,Rocks & Trees Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

The view is right there in front of you for a few seconds then… zip its gone!

By Mary Byrom

 When I drove from the Maine coast into the White mountains of New Hampshire the other day I encountered a variety of weather along the way. It was raining along the seacoast. I settled into the passenger seat and organized my materials.

By Mary Byrom

My carefully chosen weapons for the battle… an ink pen, mechanical pencil and 98 pound multimedia sketchbook paper.

Sturdy Pines Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

 I have a method for sketching from a moving vehicle. I stare hard at the subject, remember what I saw and sketch very fast. Its an excellent memory exercise.

By Mary Byrom

 I placed my sketchbook on my lap, unpacked my small watercolor set and my lightning-fast Niji water brush. This water brush is the best thing for fast painting in tight quarters. 

Snowy fields Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

 It helps when you need to mix colors rapidly. You just squeeze water through the brush tip to clean it. You don’t need a jar of water handy to clean the brush, which could be a problem in a bumpy car ride on uneven road surfaces.

By Mary Byrom

The weather was fierce. It rained, sleeted and ice froze across the windshield as we drove north. The heat turned up high melted the ice off the windshield. The higher we climbed into the mountains of New Hampshire the colder and icier it got.

Boreal Forest Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

 When we crossed the high ridge of mountains in the middle of the state and started driving down into the valley toward Vermont and the Connecticut River the freezing rain turned to rain.

By Mary Byrom

 It was 10 degrees warmer in the river valley.

The White River Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

 The White River meets the Connecticut River at White River Junction, Vermont. After the big floods Vermont had last August the White River has a number of sand bars and a newly shaped river bed.

Road into the Mountains Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

 The precipitation stopped completely in Vermont. Low clouds were tearing across the mountain tops and sky holes made it brighter. 

By Mary Byrom

 It was easy to sketch the view. I just kept looking and moving my hand at the same time. Painting in colors was more difficult. I could only get one good look at the colors of a specific location, then in seconds it was gone.

Snowy Rocks and Pines Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

There was more snow in Vermont than any where else we drove through, especially on the high ridges.

By Mary Byrom

It was a blue, violet and slate gray day. The trees were dark mauve and deep blue against the distant snow fields.

Whaleback Mountain Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

Everything was looking very dramatic.

By Mary Byrom

The dark bottomed clouds and dark trees made the snow look whiter than ever. The snow covered ground was the brightest spot in the landscape.

The Tree line Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

 Winter is the best time to paint out doors. The contrast and shapes are wonderful!

By Mary Byrom

Each open area that was edged with trees has a different look and feeling.

Snowy Ledges Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

A mundane location that you would never look at in the summertime all of the sudden has dramatic shapes and colors.

Farms & Snow Fields Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

In hilly and mountainous areas the white snow covered fields created a patchwork of pines and hardwoods.

By Mary Byrom

 In this winter wonderland a simple red brick building became a warm spot of color in the cool white and blue landscape.

Road on the Ridge Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

As the afternoon moved toward sunset the dark violet blue mountains were a deep cool contrast against the nearby green pine forest.

By Mary Byrom

It reminded me that it doesn’t have to be a sunny day to be beautiful.

The Connecticut River at Hanover Watercolor Sketchbook (By Mary Byrom)

Days like this have a peaceful quiet mood and subtle rich colors that are very satisfying to see. 

Dear Kathy,

I have a baby niece whom I love. She’s my big brother’s daughter and she is the joy of our lives. My brother and I have always been close to each other and our parents. We spend all of our holidays together, as well as frequent weekends and vacations. Spending time with my niece—the only child in our family—is the highlight of our get-togethers.

However, my sister-in-law always seems uncomfortable at our gatherings and does not allow us to play with her daughter. When I do get to spend time with my niece, my sister-in-law always interferes with her daughter’s fun and our quality time together. My sister-in-law has become increasingly antisocial since she had the baby a year ago.

Any advice as to how I can see my niece more often, and how to reduce the constant interference?

The worst part of this whole thing is that my parents are heartbroken. After they got married, my brother and his wife shared that they intended to have three or four kids. My folks were so excited when my niece was born because they were hoping for a houseful of grandchildren running around within a few years. Instead, they don’t even get to see the baby nearly as much as they’d like to, and my brother is becoming increasingly frustrated by his wife’s coldness toward the rest of us. He doesn’t understand it either, and he feels bad for my parents.

Please advise us about how we can get my sister-in-law to loosen up.

Sincerely,
Concerned Uncle

***********************

Dear Concerned,

I am sorry to hear about your restricted relationship with your beloved niece. It is sad to note that your case is an increasingly common one these days. Fortunately, there are proactive strategies which you and your family members can employ to improve the situation.

First of all, I advise you, your parents, and your brother to resist the understandable temptation to stigmatize your sister-in-law’s behavior.

In your letter, you allude to your sister-in-law as uncomfortable, interfering, antisocial, cold, and up-tight. Studies on verbal and nonverbal communication demonstrate that a mere 7 percent of our communication with others is verbal. Therefore, it is safe to assume that your sister-in-law is likely aware of the negative view your family has of her.

I understand your pain and frustration; please don’t think that I am assigning blame. However, from a purely logical standpoint, your sister-in-law is the gatekeeper for your niece. If your brother’s wife feels she is disliked, she will naturally want to avoid getting together with those who dislike her. The better your relationship with Mommy, the more time you will spend with Baby Girl.

In order to improve your relationship with Mommy, it is imperative that you adopt a more positive frame of reference for her behavior. Do your best to see the good in her. This one simple shift inside of you can make a profound difference in the way she responds to you, and the success of your interactions with her.

Also, keep in mind that the source of her behavior could be the result of valid issue she is struggling with. Could she be suffering from post-partum depression? Does she feel overwhelmed by her responsibilities as a new mother? Does she have an underlying trauma history that giving birth to her little girl has emotionally activated? Does she suffer from social anxiety or a mood disorder? Do your brother and his wife have different, equally valid viewpoints on how often they enjoy spending time with extended family members? Keep in mind that this is a possibility, but not in order to place more blame on the mother. She needs your support, not any kind of finger-pointing.

Finally, perhaps your sister-in-law is just an overly conscientious new mom who gets nervous when her little one is being bounced around by an exuberant young uncle. All mom’s parenting philosophies are a little different. By taking the time to ask questions and understand how she would like people to interact with her daughter, the whole situation could turn around.

My advice to you, as well as Grandma and Grandpa, is to be patient with your sister-in-law as she navigates the life-transforming journey into motherhood. It’s a slow process and it will take time for her to find her way. Rather than assume that there is something wrong with her, ask open-ended questions and try to understand concerns she has about the interactions with her daughter, and how you can make her feel more comfortable in the family situation.

Trust me, by the time she has another child or two or three, she will be overjoyed to drop her kids off at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s as often as possible.

Until Monday,
Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed. in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy. To address your concerns, please send your letters to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

Here, you can see the dark staining that prevents rot from entering the trunk of the tree.(Brad Gurr)

This article could just as well have been called ‘things you see while splitting wood.’ One of the most enjoyable chores is splitting wood. Many people may find this tedious and it can be dangerous. However, if you know what you’re looking at, it can be as fascinating as any forensic drama on television.

Trees do not heal like animals. Plant cells in wood generally don’t recover when injured. When compromised, the thick-walled cells in wood are closed off from their adjoining cells by rot-resistant chemicals, such as phenols and turpentine, much the same way watertight doors are closed in a sinking submarine. These are the same chemicals that have been extracted for hundreds of years to produce wood preservatives, and they are the basis of many paints.

While they have been synthesized in modern labs, trees produce these protective phytochemicals naturally each time they are injured. It still surprises many people that trees are living dynamic beings, even if they are completely immobile in their environment.

Trees and woody shrubs contain or compartmentalize damaged plant tissue behind these strong chemical barriers and continue to grow over the injury. This process of compartmentalization prevents disease from entering the healthy tissue and overwhelming the plant, possibly causing its death. A true case of life-over-limb, to save its own life a tree will lose a damaged limb.

Back to the task at hand. While splitting wood, you can find old pruning wounds and injuries that have grown over and are encapsulated in new living wood. These barriers are not only resistant to pathogens, they can be resistant to splitting as well! With modern hydraulic wood splitters, you can power through these tough barriers and see the story contained within.

I was splitting a piece of oak that had been removed for construction. The tree was at least 60 years old and very healthy when it was taken down. As I worked through the tree piece by piece, I was amazed by the wood’s structure, beautiful rays, and grains.

As I split one large round, I noticed an old branch stub that had been properly pruned many years ago and had completely grown over. The areas of compartmentalization were clearly defined in all directions from the wound. Above, below, and around, you could see the dark staining that prevented rot from entering the trunk of the tree.

When you look at the other side of the same piece of wood there is not a clue that the limb had been removed or that the tree had successfully grown over the injury. (Brad Gurr)

Whoever made the cut had done so properly and did not injure the branch bark ridge—a key anatomical structure in trees—speeding growth over the wound and preventing the expansion of decay. The most interesting part was that from the outside there was no hint, not a bump or blemish, of the drama contained within. In fact, when you looked at the other side of the same piece of wood, there was not a clue that the limb had been removed or that the tree had successfully grown over the injury.

Any pruning, no matter how minor or major, is an injury to the tree. Successful limb removal involves knowledge of the art of pruning and the science of plant anatomy. International Society of Aboriculture (I.S.A.)-certified arborists are constantly updated on the latest pruning methods backed up by scientific research on tree wound response.

Keep a keen eye on your firewood for these untold arbor dramas, and contact a certified arborist to plan and execute your next pruning project.

Brad Gurr is an I.S.A.-certified arborist and plant health care specialist dedicated to the care and preservation of trees. For more information on this subject or any plant health care related questions, please feel free to contact him online at http://www.savatree.com/duchess-county-tree-service.html

For most of my life, I have tried to find my purpose. Every job or pursuit that I try is okay for a while, or even really exciting for a while, but then I stop learning from it or get bored and want to move on. I used to worry that I would never be able to find something that I’m really passionate about and be able to turn it into a career.

Now I think I know what my purpose is, but I think it will be at least a year before I can really start pursuing this dream. For now, however, I have a good-paying job (truck-driving) that is helping my wife and I save up for the required education and pay our bills—but I hate it.

Every day just feels like meaningless drudgery in the meantime. I find myself getting depressed and feeling lifeless and uninspired. I spend a lot of time by myself, just driving, and when I’m not driving I usually only have time to sleep and do maintenance tasks like laundry and basic shopping.

So my questions are:

a. How do I stay close to my purpose after having identified it but can’t really pursue it yet? and

b. What do I do to keep from getting so depressed in the meantime, and how do I find something that stirs my heart in the meantime?

Thank you.
Pondering Paul

Dear Pondering,

What I am hearing from you is that you feel depressed and that your current life seems uninspiring and meaningless. Although you have identified a vocational calling you are passionate about, you have felt this way before about other career options and subsequently became bored by them in time. I strongly believe there is an underlying issue that is creating the situational context in which you find yourself.

Firstly, I suggest you make an appointment with your primary care physician for a complete physical, including blood work. Once possible medical conditions are ruled out, I suggest you make an appointment with a psychiatrist for a comprehensive evaluation. Prior to your first appointment, gather relevant psychiatric history from family members (such as family history of mood disorders, ADD, etc.).

If the psychiatrist diagnoses you with a specific disorder and recommends an appropriate treatment plan, follow his/her recommendations and re-evaluate how you feel about your life 6–8 weeks later. You may still want to pursue an alternate career path, however, you will hopefully be able to more easily tolerate your current life circumstances.

All of us at one time or another fall prey to the belief that our lives would be fine if only our external circumstances were altered—we worked in our dream career field, we married Mr. or Ms. Right, we had a baby, or lost the excess weight, etc. Speaking from experience, happiness is an inside job. It is often a monumental disappointment when the desire to achieve that certain coveted goal is fulfilled, because reality rarely parallels expectation.

You have experienced this in your own life pursuing other career paths, only to become bored after a time. Continue to dream, as our dreams make our lives worth living. However, balance your dreaming with a determination to live in the moment. Don’t “next” your life away, missing the joys of the day due to your perennial focus on tomorrow.

It sounds as though you are isolating yourself from others and filling your time with monotonous tasks. Give some thought to the things you used to do in happier times, as well as the people you used to enjoy doing them with. Call old friends, go out with your wife, rediscover an old hobby.

In your free time, begin researching your dream career path—join a trade or professional organization, subscribe to a magazine for those in the field, think about volunteering part-time in the industry you plan to pursue professionally. Perhaps you can begin a basic course in your intended field by auditing a class at a city or state school, which is a low-cost educational option.

Until Monday,
Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed. in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy. To address your concerns, please send your letters to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

Sander Vanocur, “That’s not a name, it’s a typographical error,” Harry Ashmore said. Ashmore was the editor of the Arkansas Gazette. Vanocur would recall Ashmore’s remark at a luncheon, 50 years later, at the governor’s mansion (hardly a place he would have been invited when Orval Faubus was governor).

John Chancellor introduced Sander Vanocur for the first time when they were both in Little Rock for the 1958 graduation at Central High School. Many years later, Vanocur would return to the same site where violence marked the beginning of integration.

Sander Vanocur has a face that always seems poised for a smile or a laugh. The characteristic look is part of his personality. This veteran print and television journalist has seen the world in turmoil and witnessed tragedy and war from the front lines.

He seems to look forward to a good time even if the joke’s on him. Often the joke is derived from that typographical error of a name he’s been stuck with. It’s an unusual name, of Russian origin, but one handy moniker for broadcasting. Once heard, it’s always remembered.

Vanocur went to school in Cleveland until he was 13. His parents later divorced. “My mother, sister, and I went to Peoria, Ill., to live with my aunt and uncle. I attended Western Military Academy in Peoria, during World War II,” he said.

Vanocur studied political science at Northwestern University from 1946 to 1950. He also attended the London School of Economics. There he roomed with the late U.N. Ambassador and New York Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

From 1952–1954, Vanocur served in the Army and was stationed in Germany during the Korean conflict.

In 1954, after his Army service, Vanocur started working with the London staff of the Manchester Guardian. He took many other jobs in London working for United Press, CBS News, and the BBC. He returned to the United States and got a job with the New York Times. He held that job until 1957 when he joined NBC News.

There was turmoil throughout the South in the ‘50s. In Little Rock, the integration of nine black students was forced by court order and the result was turbulence, violence, and riots. John Chancellor had covered the early events in Little Rock for NBC News. It was a sensational story. Vivid images of the hatred and violence were broadcast all over the world. Vanocur replaced John Chancellor in 1958.

Vanocur’s return 50 years later for the anniversary of the integration of the Little Rock Nine was far different than his early experiences.

Only recently did organized religious organizations offer apology to the Little Rock Nine. Many white ministers were part of Klan activities of the day. Prejudice in white churches was instilled from the pulpit by mean-spirited clergymen who likewise railed against spirits and moral depredation. Most likely in their view, the latter was caused in large measure by journalists like Sander Vanocur entering town to report on their demented view of God’s grace and love.

Vanocur described the mechanics of his broadcasts. He said, “I had an easier job covering the Little Rock Nine story than John Chancellor did the year before. John had to fly over to Oklahoma City to originate the spot, and then had to come back here for the next day. Finally NBC arranged with KARK-TV so we could broadcast through Memphis.”

“I never knew anything we would do to change Governor Faubus’s thoughts. I covered his campaign in 1958. In a small town, he looked at the camera and said, ‘These cameras came down on us like June bugs on a hound dog.’ I don’t think Faubus was a racist, but he brought shame on a city and state that deserved more,” Vanocur reminisced.

“When I entered journalism in 1954, there were two major events—the Cold War and the civil rights movement. Twelve minutes was devoted to news. Suddenly we got 24 hours of news. Television placed Little Rock in the eyes of the world,” Vanocur said.

Fifty years later he was back, still haunted by what may have been the most dramatic news story of his career. “The pictures in our heads of Elizabeth Eckford being turned back by soldiers and being pursued and taunted by a crowd—I’m conflicted,” Vanocur explained. “Do we celebrate what happened here, or offer lamentation for what should not have happened to this city and people who lived here? All I know is, I’ll go to my grave not knowing the answer,” he said.

The 16 months he spent in Little Rock did not crown Vanocur’s career. He remained with NBC News, became White House correspondent, Washington correspondent for the Today Show, a contributing editor for the Huntley-Brinkley Report, and a host for First Tuesday. He went back to print journalism for two years in 1975, as television editor and critic for the Washington Post, before he joined ABC News in 1977.

Vanocur covered the Falklands War for ABC, became chief diplomatic correspondent, anchored Business World, and reported on three consecutive Economic Summit meetings in 1987, 1988, and 1989. There is much more to his life and work, including a stint with the History Channel until 2002. In 1995, Vanocur moved to Santa Barbara, Calif., where he lives with his wife of 32 years. They have three children.

Dr. John Christopher Fine served as a medical missionary in war-ravaged Congo. He is a marine biologist and often describes ocean elements that are used for food and healing. He is the author of 24 books, many dealing with health and environmental issues.

 Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.

—Oscar Wilde

We can change, shape, mold, and alter the appearance of the person in the mirror, but truthfully, how is it possible to be anything other than oneself? (Alexandra Beier/Getty Images)

Poor Oscar was an incredibly witty and troubled man. In a staunchly Victorian era, he drew attention to himself with his often acerbic wit. He was an excellent study of human nature and often used peoples foibles to their disadvantage.

In the instance of the quote above, he made a particularly insightful observation of the human condition, that of not being relaxed in one’s own skin, but acting in a manner that we think is more appropriate.

I cannot count the times that I have heard people say to another person, “just be yourself.” This usually precedes the other person’s appearance on a camera, an interview, a performance, or anything that could prompt an individual to not be themselves. Truthfully, how is it possible to be anything other than oneself?

I think that society plays an incredibly large role in this, once again, by putting examples of ways we believe people should think or act, carry themselves, and the amount of poise and confidence that they should display.

Deep down, I think people really know that just being themselves, at ease, and truthfully not being concerned with what others think, is an easier way to live.

There was a movie in the 80s with Dolly Parton called Straight Talk in which she plays a simple woman from a Midwest town who comes to Chicago for one reason or another. As circumstance would have it, she was accidentally put into the role of a radio talk-show hostess when she had been hired to be the station phone receptionist!

Her radio persona was known as Dr. Shirley, even though she wasn’t a doctor and never said she was. As luck would have it, her plain advice and country charm catapulted her to popularity and she developed a huge following of devotees, many of them were commoners, police officers, mothers, secretaries, you name it.

She eventually was wooed onto TV and put up against a highly credentialed psychiatrist whom she challenged with her very basic, but honest advice.

Ultimately, the people chose her over anyone else because they knew what she was saying was right. They knew she was trustworthy and that the world doesn’t need to have the complexity we create. Sometimes, we just know when something is “right.” So be yourself and be true, it’s easier in the long run.

Lloyd Princeton is the managing partner of iMatchDesigners LLC, a matchmaking company for architects, interior designers, and landscape professionals, matching professionals to projects of all types, anywhere in the world. You can find more information about iMatchDesigners at www.imatchdesigners.com

I have a question that I am hoping you can shed light on, because I have seen both friends and family face this issue. I also got my first taste of it, and I’m worried that I am going to see it more in the future.

I am a father that shares custody of my 10-year-old daughter. For the last three years, I have arranged a schedule with my ex-wife that is close to 50 percent. My daughter has always endorsed this, and she seems to go out of her way to ensure time equality by insisting on making up time with the other parent any time there is a change in the schedule.

It was during one of these makeup days—amid quite a few schedule changes over the holidays—that my daughter was supposed to stay over at my house, but she insisted on going to her mother’s. I tried to talk to her about it and explain what was going on, but she was quite persistent so I let her call her mother and make arrangements to go there.

I am not sure how I feel about it now, and I think that maybe I should have stuck to my guns instead of allowing my daughter to make the decision. I have seen quite a few other people in this situation where it seems that by the time the children become teenagers, they are deciding which parent to stay with, and they normally make that decision based on which home gives them the easiest access to what they want—usually freedom and time with friends, rather than the best environment.

What role do you think children should have in deciding which parent they want to stay with? How does the child’s age affect this? How would you suggest parents handle this?

I appreciate your advice,

Confused in California

**************

Dear Confused,

I have raised three girls through the tween years and my advice is—buckle up, Daddy! Seriously, though, it is best to respond rather than react. Before you decide on a course of action regarding your custody arrangement, gather all of the pertinent facts.

What emotionally fueled your daughter’s decision to spend extra time with her mom during the holidays? Did a special holiday-related event or favorite visiting relative influence her decision? Is your daughter’s transition from a child into an adolescent creating a temporary desire for more “girl time” with mom? Has she made a special friend in your ex’s neighborhood?

Plan a relaxed outing with your daughter, somewhere the two of you can hang out and talk (coffee shop, ice cream parlor, etc.). Give her an opportunity to casually share what’s going on in her life. If you need more information, schedule some time to talk to your ex, your daughter’s teacher/guidance counselor, relatives she’s close to, etc.

The point is to connect with your daughter, as well as others who care about her, so that you are up-to-date on what’s going on in her life. The more you know her heart, the better you will be able to guide her. One warning, though: There is often a fine line between appropriate parental concern and intrusiveness, so tread carefully.

The best advice I can offer is that you do everything in your power to strengthen your co-parenting relationship with your ex. If there are unresolved issues, consider making a few appointments together with a couples specialist. The more united a front you and your daughter’s mother present, the less tumultuous the teen years are likely to be for all three of you.

Parenting is a tough job, and much more so for a single dad of a girl blossoming into womanhood. I strongly encourage you to become involved in some type of supportive community, like “Parents Without Partners,” in order to hear how other dads are handling similar situations. Although you may feel alone, there are in fact more and more single dads just like you. I am a firm believer in the adage, “Shared sorrow is halved sorrow and shared joy is doubled joy.” Keep me posted!

Until Monday,
Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed. in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy. To address your concerns, please send your letters to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

Generally, the stories we heard about other children bullying our own, were told around the family table, and we all worked together for a solution to the problem. Steve Henderson

Rabbits make lousy friends.

During our parental career, we have heard dinnertime stories from our progeny who have been in a group of friends, when one of the clutch, a coyote, starts picking on the progeny who is telling us the tale. We have mostly daughters. The following is a typical scenario.

The coyote (bully) says something like:

“You’re fat. I’m not. I’m slender and willowy. That’s why boys like me.”

“Your front teeth are crooked. Mine aren’t. They’re perfect—and white, too.”

“What ugly hair you have. It isn’t soft and wavy like mine.”

Not once, but repeatedly, the coyote darts in with a variation of the theme while the surrounding the rabbits (her friends who are immobilized in silence, watching, and saying nothing). Some are afraid that they too will be singled out from the group and attacked. Others are so inured to one person making personal assaults upon another that it doesn’t seem wrong.

In our own case, most of the coyotes were oddly enough from seemingly good, religious families, attending all sorts of good, religious events, never taking the Lord’s name in vain in front of their parents, but regularly stomping on it with their words when they were away from the authoritarian eye.

This is not to say, however, that atheists, agnostics, and persons of widely divergent faiths cannot be bullies. All you have to do is flatter the people more powerful than you, and flatten the ones who aren’t.

As parents, we’d say to our daughter, “Did you speak up for yourself?” She said, “No, that would have been rude.” That one floored us.

“It is not rude,” we repeated repeatedly, “to say something along the lines of: ‘What’s with the personal comments?’ Or, ‘When you’re out of the attack mode, maybe we can move on.’”

“I was afraid that, if I said anything, the bully would tell her parents, and since you know one another, it would ruin your relationship.”

It’s not much of a relationship that can be ruined by one person’s child standing up to another’s.

Fortunately, after years of our fruitless counsel and years of their growth and maturation, the older progeny found their voice. Recently, one of them countered an attack on her physical features by pointing out a physical anomaly of her attacker. The rabbits in the room thawed, en masse turning not on the coyote.

“How can you say something like that?”

I am to the point now, with the younger progeny, of communicating more explicitly about the reprehensibility of what the coyotes are doing, and emphasizing our unequivocal parental support of whatever actions the progeny deems necessary to counter the attack.

Gracious eloquence would be nice, but if transcending the situation with aplomb isn’t possible, then being more direct about the offensiveness of the attacker’s unwelcome remarks is fine with us. At least it isn’t a counterattack on the coyote’s own self-esteem.

Snarky girls and berating bullies don’t just go away—they grow into insecure widgets stuck inside adult bodies who learn to finesse their attacks, which they then perpetrate upon coworkers, subordinates, relatives, retail clerks, relationship rivals, under-deaconesses, or anyone they perceive to be weaker, smaller, frailer, or more vulnerable than they.

Rabbits masquerading as friends allow them to do so.

We don’t so much need anti-bullying legislation as we do people of backbone and character who stand up for themselves and for others. Perhaps this could start with the parents of the good, religious children, teaching them that what comes out of their mouth looks disturbingly like what resides in their heart.

Carolyn Henderson is a freelance author and writer of the blog Middle Aged Plague (www.MiddleAgedPlague.areavoices.com). In addition to looking at modern life’s oddities and ends, Carolyn is the manager of Steve Henderson Fine Art (www.SteveHendersonFineArt.com), which features the paintings of her husband, the Norwegian Artist.

By Mary Byrom

This waterfall is on land that is part of a collection of land trusts.
Field Sketch Orris Falls watercolor 6×8

By Mary Byrom

 It is an easy hike through the woods to reach the falls.

By Mary Byrom

 The path is an old road that passes through wet lowlands with winding brooks and thickets of pines.

By Mary Byrom

As you get closer to the falls the path climbs higher and higher. Soon you are walking on the crest of a tall ridge.

By Mary Byrom

At the very top of the ridge are two ponds. Beavers created the large ice-covered pond… 

By Mary Byrom

…which flows into a smaller ice-rimmed pool of faster moving water…

By Mary Byrom

 …that spills into a small creek…
Field Sketch Orris Falls watercolor 3×3

By Mary Byrom

…that carves a path through the trees …

By Mary Byrom

 …splashing and foaming around rocks…
Field Sketch Orris Falls watercolor 4×4

By Mary Byrom

 …making collars of ice on boulders and along the edges of the stream.
Field Sketch Orris Creek watercolor 6×8

By Mary Byrom

It gathers speed as it rushes down the hillside in between large granite ledges.

By Mary Byrom

 Some were old and rotting; others looked like they were up rooted in a recent storm.
Field Sketch Orris Falls Ravine watercolor 4×6

By Mary Byrom

 I scouted for painting locations on a high trail as Marcus climbed down into the bottom of the ravine.

By Mary Byrom

He found a perfect spot for me to sketch down near the edge of the falls… 

By Mary Byrom

…on a narrow ledge below the top of the rushing cascade.

By Mary Byrom

 I sketched the water as it surged down from above me.

By Mary Byrom

 It streamed down forming interesting ice formations on the mossy granite outcroppings.
Field Sketch Orris Falls Ravine watercolor 7×9

By Mary Byrom

I sat very still sketching. The hillside was sharply angled and covered with slippery leaves. 

By Mary Byrom

The rock ledge I was sitting on hung out over the falling water.

By Mary Byrom

It is the only level spot on the falls. Beside me the land falls abruptly down to the bottom of the falls. 

By Mary Byrom

The water roared by with a crashing sound.
Field Sketch Orris Falls watercolor 6×6

By Mary Byrom

 I’ll definitely return to this location with my oils paints to do some plein air paintings. 

My father is on his third wife and this concerns me. Not so much that it is his third marriage, but recently he got diagnosed with congestive heart disease and had a cancer scare when they did the surgery for the congestive heart failure.

My father and I talk regularly about once a week; however, he was away on vacation when he got sick. The way we found out he was having serious health issues was through a status update his wife put on her Facebook page after they got home. Our family also found out that his third wife left him in a hospital in a foreign country alone with congestive heart disease as she completed the cruise they were on.

To add insult to injury, when he flew into Florida three days later to meet her at the cruise destination, his current wife made my father drive home five hours feeling unwell. Once they were back home, his wife told us that it was too much trouble to keep us informed of his health status and that we should call him to find out how he was feeling.

My dad is 25 years older than his wife and, in his 70s now, I’m really worried that he’s not being well cared for. Although I do my best to be supportive, my wife and I live several hours away and have a young family. What should I do to help my dad?

Worried in Wyoming

**********

Dear Worried,

Your dad is fortunate to have you in his life; you’re a good son. I strongly encourage you to schedule a visit to see your father ASAP in order to gently share your concerns with him. From what you have stated, it may be in his best interest to appoint someone other than his current wife as his health care proxy.

It would be a good idea for you to meet his doctor(s), as well as consult an elder care attorney in your father’s home state. Additionally, his finances should be protected as well as possible so that his medical and personal needs are met for the remainder of his life. Additionally, make certain that Dad has supplemental health insurance so that he is able to avail himself of the best possible care without financial strain.

Lastly, speak to his health insurer regarding the possibility of obtaining a home health aide to ensure that he is eating regularly and well, obtaining his prescription medication, going to his medical appointments, following his physician’s instructions regarding diet and exercise, etc. With regular household help, you will rest easier knowing that your father is being well cared for and that there is a contact loop between him, his aide, his doctor, and you.

Please keep me updated on your dad’s progress and, a word to the wise, save yourself a lot of future aggravation by sticking with wife number one!

Until Monday,
Kathy

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

There’s tradition and faith in these people of the land. Greenwood Ranches is a family operation.(Myriam Moran)

The land is vast, stretching farther than the eye can see from South Dakota to Wyoming and Montana. It takes more than an hour to drive the 22-mile road across the property. Along the way, there are many derelict cabins left in ruins when their pioneer families left long ago.

Chance cradled his son in the crook of his arm. Baby Marbury begins a new generation on the ranch. Whether he will one day take over the family ranching operation is not a sure thing either. The work is hard and the returns are slim. There’s also the vagaries of drought, blizzards, cattle diseases, and the always fickle meat market make family ranching an endangered occupation.

Newland family roots in the Dakotas go back to 1875. They came West with the gold strike at Deadwood, S.D., homesteaded, and ranched. Government homestead laws gave free land to settlers. It was too little land to support agriculture and there was no water.

The family raised hay which they sold to Homestake mine for their mules. Hay commanded $100 a ton, a mighty price at the time. The miners had gold but everything else had to be hauled in by wagon. The Newland family irrigated land, ranched, and ran freight wagons to the miners.

When the depression came along in the 1930s, hundreds of homesteaders from Alzada (Stonecreek), Mont., Hulett, Wyo., and Camp Crook, S.D., sold out or gave up. The Newlands bought up homesteads for as little as 25 cents an acre.

Greenwood Ranches became a big spread in the corners of Montana, Wyo., and South Dakota. Headquarters became known as Greenwood Ranches. Remains of 40 homesteader’s cabins have been counted within the present borders.

“If you take the ranch road, it snakes over 22 miles,” Wilbur Henry Newland said. Newland was born to Jim and Velma in 1950. He is named for his grandfather and family friend, Henry Davenport.

His father was a legend in his own right. Look Magazine sent a team of photographers to the Newland Ranch in 1959, to cover branding. Jim appeared in the Jan. 6, 1959, feature story. When Jim died in 2003, Wilbur took over the ranch.

“There is 250 miles of fence.” Newland considers it an unending task, mending it so cattle don’t stray. Wilbur Newland married Dawn Hoffman. Together they have four sons. Beef cattle are grazed on the ranch. Registered quarter horses are bred and trained by Dawn.

Newland and his wife bring the cattle in from distant pastures on horseback and push them the last miles into sorting pens.(Myriam Moran)

Newland, his wife, and their son, Chance, bring the cattle in from distant pastures on horseback and push them the last miles into sorting pens. Many area ranchers run their cows on Greenwood Ranch year around. “This is the first time in history that we’ve sold off our own cattle. We’re running stock for others,” Newland explained.

The change hasn’t made the work any easier. The Newlands are up for breakfast by 5:00 a.m., trailer up horses at their smaller ranch home outside of Belle Fourche, then drive 25 miles to Colony, Wyo., to meet up with their son Chance on the home place. They work cattle until dark during fall roundup.

Wilbur remembers the recession in 1980, and the turmoil it caused his family and their neighbors. “Those times were the darkest days for agriculture,” he says. “There was drought and depression. People depended on the land and cattle prices. They were unable to get loans. Half my neighbors were priced out in a year’s time. I really thought we were going into another bad cycle but it hasn’t happened.

“The last few years have been excellent.” Newland is optimistic. Plentiful rains nourished their lands this summer and cattle fattened on good range grass.

“After Sept. 11, 2001, our two sons were determined to join the Marines. Chance called from Baghdad. He said he wanted to come back to the ranch when his service was over,” Newland said.

Chance wanted to pitch full-tilt into the operation of Greenwood Ranches. “One of the problems transferring a ranch from one generation to the next is the old man won’t get out of the way. I’ve had 40 years to get it right or not. I’ve had my run—time for me to get out of the way and let him run it,” Newland remarked.

The Newland’s proof of confidence in their son Chance’s ability to run the ranch came this summer when they were away two weeks on a wagon train. “It’s wonderful to see our boys out there chasing cows, knowing that they will bring their kids up doing wholesome things. There’s something to being raised in communion with the soil. Somehow there is antagonism between ranchers and environmentalists. They should be in the same boat,” Dawn said.

Regulations make agriculture difficult and expensive. Rules are often inspired by people out of touch with the reality of husbandry. “Ranching people are fiercely independent. Some view environmentalists as tied to the government,” Dawn said. “I’ve always considered myself an environmentalist. Dawn always hated pesticides. We are poisoning ourselves, no question about it,” Newland added.

The Newlands say, “Our children will have more impact than we have. They want organic. If they don’t, we will poison ourselves and we’ll die.” No one has to tell Wilbur or Dawn how to run their ranch with respect for the Earth. They know how and are determined to do it and so are their sons that will inherit the family legacy and tradition of Greenwood Ranches.

The family is responsible for 400 cows and calves, 2,000 yearlings on their land, plus a herd of champion sired quarter horses.

There’s tradition and faith in these people of the land. Greenwood Ranches is a family operation. With the birth of Marbury, now two years old, to Chance and his wife Scarlett, a new generation has come to be. Whether Marbury will continue the family tradition when he is of age is for the future to tell. Meanwhile these sons and daughters of American pioneers have the grit and determination to save it for him.

Dr. John Christopher Fine is the author of 24 books on a variety of subjects. His articles and photography appear in major magazines and newspapers in the United States and Europe.

Dear Kathy,

I have a family member who is a serious hoarder. She is an older woman who’s now in a residential facility, where we’re able to see her often and make sure that she’s OK.

The problem is that my family is responsible for cleaning out this relative’s home and I feel really overwhelmed. We have literally been cleaning and organizing for three years. We take turns going to her home at least twice a week and we work well as a team; however, despite our hard work, we aren’t nearly finished.

It takes hours to do even a small part of a room because there are important documents, jewelry, and other valuables mixed in with food wrappers, receipts from decades ago, and even dirty diapers from children who are now grown. Not only is this job incredibly tedious, but it completely skeeves me.

Although we wear long rubber gloves and Hepa masks, I still feel compelled to take a long, hot shower every time I walk out her front door after spending the day there.

I love my aunt, but sometimes I feel like her hoard has taken over our family life. Please help!

Skeeved in Schnectedy

Dear Skeeved,

First of all, kudos to you and your family. You are behaving more like a daughter than a niece. Your aunt is fortunate to have you in her life. Your letter highlights the fact that hoarding can be highly stressful to everyone affected by the hoarder’s behavior.

I advise you to learn more about this issue and how others effectively address it. Your family may benefit from gathering together and watching a few episodes of Hoarders Buried Alive. Sadly, you are far from alone in your present situation.

Hoarding often emanates from a preexisting anxiety disorder and it’s not uncommon in Western society. Even in these tough economic times, our abundance as a nation can sometimes evolve from a blessing into a curse.

You and your aunt have something in common. Her relationship with her possessions has overtaken her home. Your relationship with those same possessions has overtaken your family life. It is high time to stop this toxic cycle.

I encourage you to visit the website for N.A.P.O. (The National Association of Professional Organizers) to hire a professional organizer who specializes in chronic disorganization. I strongly encourage you to find someone you and your family are comfortable working with and collaborate with them to develop an action plan.

Until Monday,

Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed. in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy. To address your concerns, please send your letters to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

I’ve been having problems with my relationship with my father and stepmother for almost two years. After my divorce, my stepmother remained in contact with my ex-wife, who constantly told her terrible things about me, from a very nonobjective perspective.

I tried to explain to my stepmother that she was not getting an accurate viewpoint from my ex-wife, but she kept believing the stories and eventually stopped talking to me. My father stopped talking to me also shortly after that. I can only deduce that it was for the same reason. They never told me a whole lot about what the problem was, but it all seemed to relate to my relationship with my ex-wife.

I’ve left phone messages and sent e-mails, but they have not returned any of them for a little less than a year. Since it’s the holidays, I thought it would be a good time to try to reach out to them. I know they really love my daughter and want a relationship with her, and I would also really like to find a way to salvage our relationship. I feel stuck. Do you have any ideas?

Frozen Out in Florida

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Dear Frozen Out:

Your situation is an unfortunately common one and all the more painful this time of the year. I give you credit for continuing to reach out to your family despite the lack of reciprocity. If your daughter is their soft spot, perhaps sending some holiday photos will help them see what they are missing.

It would have been helpful to know more information about your stepmother’s relationship history. How was your relationship with her prior to the end of your marriage? Is your stepmother avoidant regarding conflicts with others? Are relational cutoffs a life theme for her? Perhaps your divorce triggered unresolved issues for her.

You shared that your ex-wife’s bitterness toward you is the root of your current distance from your father and his wife. For your daughter’s sake, if not your own, proactively address the emotional residue from your breakup as soon as possible.

Your daughter deserves to grow up in a positive environment, co-parented by people who are dedicated to working together as a team on her behalf. Initiate a reasonable and mature discussion with your daughter’s mother. Stand up to the plate and take responsibility for the ways in which you wronged her, applying the 90/10 rule (Even if your ex-wife is 90 percent wrong, take responsibility for your 10 percent).

I suggest that the two of you consider seeing a couples therapist in order to fully resolve your differences. Your best gift to each other and your little girl this season is healing and wholeness. Once upon a time, you loved each other enough to create a life together. That itself is worth honoring by interacting at least civilly.

I wish you a holiday season full of peace and joy. May the New Year be an especially good one for you and your family!

Until Monday,
Kathy

Katherine H. Smith combines her 46 years of life experience, 18 years of marriage, and raising 5 children, with an M.S.Ed. in guidance and counseling and an M.A. in marriage and family therapy. To address your concerns, please send your letters to askKathy@epochtimes.com. Please include a contact phone number and e-mail address.

Information provided in this column is not intended to be used as a substitute for specific medical or psychological advice.

In a society that’s constantly evolving into providing hundreds of choices for consumers, are people better off? Inability to commit to one choice apparently contributes to stress and unhappiness, according to new research.

Maximizers are people who need to make the best possible choice, according to Joyce Ehrlinger, an assistant professor at Florida State University. Maximizers are less satisfied with the choices they end up with and tend to think they could have made a better one.

“Perhaps we can nudge them to be more of a satisficer and attain a sense of contentment.”

Joyce Ehrlinger, assistant professor at Florida State University

Satisficers (a combination of the words satisfy and suffice) tend to make a choice and be content with that choice. They have standards, but once the item they choose meets their criteria, it is sufficient.

Ehrlinger published her research, “Failing to Commit: Maximizers Avoid Commitment in a Way That Contributes to Reduced Satisfaction,” in the peer-reviewed journal Personality and Individual Differences, in December. Her co-authors were doctoral candidate Erin Sparks, and Richard Eibach, a psychology assistant professor at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, according to Florida State University.

Maximizers need to choose the best job, the perfect mate, and may choose friends in the same manner. They are likely to worry, to second-guess their choices, and to ultimately be less happy.

Past studies exist on the subject, but for Ehrlinger, the investigation is far from over.

In a phone interview, she said a girlfriend of hers, preparing to travel for three to four days, will pack her suitcase with clothes for 10 to 12 days simply because she does not know what she might want to wear on her trip and wants to make sure she has everything she needs.

Erhlinger’s husband can walk into a department store to buy a T-shirt, will see the T-shirt, pick it up, take it to the register, and buy it. She, on the other hand, would have to try it on, check out the best colors, see if it comes in additional colors, and ask about the return policy at the cash register. Ehrlinger said she really doesn’t like going shopping with her husband.

According to the announcement from FSU, Ehrlinger has long been intrigued with individuals identified among psychologists as “maximizers.” She has five students in her lab, and she said that four of them are maximizers.

According to Erhlinger, quoted in the FSU newsletter, “Whether being a maximizer is a central and stable part of the personality or simply a frame of mind remains unclear.” She said she hopes further research can isolate the cause of the behavior. “Current research is trying to understand whether they can change. High-level maximizers certainly cause themselves a lot of grief.”

Greg Ferrier, an expert knifemaker, makes this craft look easy. (Myriam Moran, copyright 2011)

It begins with 5160 spring steel, an alloy. “The length I chop up as I choose,” knifemaker Greg Ferrier said. Greg spent 20 years as a B-52 crewman before retiring from the military. His passion for fine blades brought him to historic Ft. Hays outside Rapid City, S.D., to work in a blacksmith shop.

“I go from here to there making a blade in 30 to 45 minutes if I keep my mouth shut and pay attention to what I’m doing.” Ferrier took a steel bar slab, cut to a desired length, to his forge. He heated it until it was cherry red. The blade was removed and hammered on an anvil to flatten and shape the steel.

In the hands of an expert, the job looks easy. It required careful attention and the use of tongs to keep the metal in place while it was being hammered. The process might repeat itself several times before the steel bar was shaped.

Ferrier then lets the shaped blade cool. “I clean off the fire scale with a Makita right-angle grinder with a four-inch disk. If you put it on a belt grinder, it will tear up one or two belts and they cost $5 each,” he said.

Once the rough coating left from the forge heating process is removed, he uses the belt grinder. “I start with 50. It is a coarse grit. Coarse moves a lot of metal in a hurry. Then I go to 100, 200, 400.” With the blade shaped, the coarse scale removed and partially polished, a quenching process is started.

The cherry red metal, shown here, is removed from the forge to be hammered. (Myriam Moran, copyright 2011)

The blade is heated cherry red again in the forge. “I oil quench it once it’s cherry red. I use vegetable oil, bee’s wax, and hydraulic fluid,” he says. The hydraulic fluid keeps critters out of the quenching mix. “At this point the blade is brittle and it will break like glass. I put the blade in the oven and bake it at 400 degrees for two hours. I turn the oven off and leave the door closed.”

When the blade is cool the next morning, Ferrier can pick it up in his fingers. It is tempered 60 on the Rockwell scale. “Good store knives are 55 or less,” he says.

“The yellow color is an oxide layer,” the knifemaker explained, picking up a partially finished blade after quenching. “I take it back to the belt grinder and use progressively 300, 400, 600, 800, and 1000 grit. See the stripes. The belt grinder works across the blade.” Grinding left visible stripes on the blade. From this point on Greg uses 400 to 2000 grit by hand, up and down the blade, until the stripes disappear and the steel is perfectly smooth.

When asked how long the hand-polishing process takes, Ferrier answered “I do it until I can’t see any more stripes. Then I can mount my guard and tang extension. Then I can glue the handle material and lock it up with a butt cap.”

The next day, when the glue is fully dry, Ferrier grinds the handle, butt cap, and guard. “When it’s as purty as I can get it, I put a serial number on the right side of the blade and my name on the left. The knife is then sharpened and buffed.

“The blade is sharp enough to shave with and will keep its edge unless you throw it, use it as a screwdriver, or put it in a dishwasher. Carbon steel knives and dishwashers are not compatible,” he warned.

To make a sheath, Ferrier covers the blade with lacquer to protect it. He says, “I form the wet leather around it. When the leather dries it contracts enough so it really holds that blade.” The entire process requires 40 hours on average.

“The bigger the knife, the more time it takes. If a knife is nose or tail heavy, it will be slow. The slow knife will get you turned into coyote bait,” Ferrier joked.

Ferrier explains, “When I went to knife shows and couldn’t afford the knives, I started making my own.”

“I try to teach knifemaking. Most kids last 3–4 hours. I believe in the four-letter word: W-O-R-K. Some stay three months and learn. An apprenticeship program is one exchanging slave labor for knowledge,” this affable South Dakota craftsman laughed.

A finished blade will cost about $150 depending on the time it has taken to make it. Ferrier makes skinning blades from D-2 tool steel antler tips that he’s tempered. He’ll run through a batch at a time and sell them out quickly for $60.

Dr. John Christopher Fine is the author of 24 books on a variety of subjects. His articles and photography appear in major magazines and newspapers in the United States and Europe.

“Shore Leave”—Such color, so many shapes and forms. It’s great on an actual painting, but when it comes to my car dashboard, I am overwhelmed. (Steve Henderson)

Don’t get me wrong—I love pictures. After all, I’m married to a Norwegian Artist. But as much as I never tire of paintings on the wall, I acknowledge a surfeit of images on the dashboard of my car. The series of green, yellow, and red icons that flash at me while I’m driving are supposed to be telling me something. 

Color’s important; I know that. Whatever the green icons are, that shine at me from the time I turn the key, they’re good, including the one that looks like an eyeball. My mirrors are on, maybe? One, in green, says “Cruise Control.” I’m confident that this has something to do with the cruise control being on, or working but happy, somehow.

I also know what the orange disc is, even though I’ve never seen it from the driver’s seat, because when I’m behind the wheel, the gas tank is never so low that I need to be warned that I have less than a gallon left. This one I’ve seen only peripherally, from the passenger side, far more times than I could wish.

Last week a yellow lyre stared back at me. As I am unconvinced that Japanese car manufacturers concern

themselves with celestial harps to the point that they installed one in my car, I don’t look for a broken string. But something that looks disturbingly like an ancient Babylonian religious symbol isn’t working—and darned if I know what it is.

“What’s the yellow light?” the Norwegian Artist asked when he started the car. “Not the gas light, that’s orange.” He should know. 

“Isn’t there a chart of these symbols in the car manual?” There is indeed, buried somewhere within the 350-page tome, not listed in the index under “dashboard symbols” or “warning lights.” We find four pages worth after the third shuffle through. 

“There it is,” the Norwegian’s eye is sharp and clear. “Tire pressure’s low.” Well of course, two curvy parentheses with a dot in the middle clearly points to a tire, a low one at that. Maybe these symbols are Babylonian in origin after all.

One time, a red symbol flashed at me and, in the same way that I knew that running through a flashing red intersection light is not a good thing, I knew that running a car with a flashing red light in front of my face was just as bad. But what did it mean? 

It looked like a red soup can with a bat wing coming out the side. Was this the oil pan then, the wing representing that something was broken and oil, like red blood, was gushing out? Or possibly that the radiator, smooth and cylindrical, was blowing up?

“Everything okay out here?” the Norwegian Artist peered through the studio door.

“Just fine,” I replied. “One of the red warning lights was on, but I fixed the problem.”

Carolyn Henderson is a freelance author and writer of the blog Middle Aged Plague (www.MiddleAgedPlague.areavoices.com). In addition to looking at modern life’s oddities and ends, Carolyn is the manager of Steve Henderson Fine Art (www.SteveHendersonFineArt.com), which features the paintings of her husband, the Norwegian Artist.

Courtesy of Lese Dunton

Since 1998, Michael Douglas has been a United Nations Messenger of Peace, and in 2003, he made a documentary with the UN titled Child Soldiers in Sierra Leone. It has since become very popular with social studies students and is available on DVD.

In the film, brave young fighters reunite with their families and adjust to life after the 10-year civil war in their country. Mr. Douglas helps successfully locate the family of one of the children. Said one observer, “He handled the entire scene—which was not scripted and which unfolded with unbelievable rapidity in a few hours—with great sensitivity and diplomatic, artistic skill.” 

Michael also talks with a group of former child combatants about their experiences and hopes for the future; and conducts an excellent in-depth interview with a teenager named Swankey, who is now a radio announcer.

The film is a positive message and puts in perspective the issue of child soldiers.

— Michael Douglas

“The film is a positive message and puts in perspective the issue of child soldiers,” said Michael.

During his stay in Sierra Leone, Michael visited various locations and saw the UN peacekeepers, citizens and soldiers rebuilding communities.

Courtesy of Lese Dunton

Post-war improvements include renovating mosques and churches, developing a health clinic and children’s playground, and restructuring a community center. 

“The positive spirit of the people and their resourcefulness and energy are very visible…I am hopeful for the future of Sierra Leone,” says Douglas.

On his last day in the country, the messenger man of peace was taken on a tour of the site where weapons had been collected and burned as part of the post-war disarmament process conducted by the UN. Michael has been a strong advocate on disarmament issues (nuclear as well as small arms).

The Child Soldiers of Sierra Leone is part of a series called “What’s Going On?,” which originally aired on Showtime Television.

This story is modified from the original in The New Sun. Lese Dunton is the founder of The New Sun, on online publication since 1994, which “seeks to find the best in life and give it good coverage.”