In today’s world, where making a good impression is key, understanding social etiquette is like having a special power. Luckily, we have butler Grant Harrold to show us how to navigate social situations with elegance and skill.
Mr. Harrold worked from 2004 to 2011 as a butler to King Charles III when he was Prince of Wales. As part of his duties, Mr. Harrold also attended to Queen Camilla; Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex; and Prince William and Kate Middleton, Princess of Wales when they were dating. Mr. Harrold now runs his own etiquette and butler school in the UK and is a well-known commentator on royal matters.
With Mr. Harrold’s help, we’ve put together a quiz to test your etiquette IQ as a casual dinner party guest. From nailing the greeting to properly handling the toilet seat (gentlemen, take note!), we'll cover it all. Let’s see who’s an etiquette pro and who might need a little help.
1. Dinner starts at 6 p.m. When should you arrive?
A. 5:30 p.m.—that way nobody will say you’re late.B. 6 p.m. sharp. That’s what being punctual means!
C. Any time between 6 p.m. and 6:10 p.m. is fine.
D. As a guest, you’re entitled to arrive whenever you want.
“‘Fashionably late’ was an old saying,” Mr. Harrold said, but one that’s long outdated. “Try to arrive at the correct time.” Even a few minutes after the set time is still considered late. Being punctual is being respectful.
On the other hand, don’t arrive too early, either: The hosts might not be ready, still pulling together last-minute details.
2. What should you wear for the occasion?
A. A full tuxedo or evening gown, because every dinner is a special occasion.B. Since you’re among friends, jogging pants and a hoodie are totally fine.
C. A classic dress shirt and pants for men, or a nice dress for women.
D. A full suit of armor, just in case the spaghetti fight gets out of hand.
“You don’t have to put on your best clothes, but at least put something on that is appropriate,” Mr. Harrold said.
He always wears a tie by default, and if he sees that nobody else has one on, he removes it.
3. Upon arrival at the host’s home, what’s the appropriate greeting?
A. Give a handshake to the host and the other guests.B. Slip in as discreetly as you can to avoid making a scene.
C. Find another guest you know and make a beeline to his or her side.
D. Nod in acknowledgment and head straight to the appetizers.
“The handshake is very much a universal peace sign,” Mr. Harrold said. “It’s polite. It’s friendly. It’s showing that you don’t mean them any harm.”
However, there are some traditional rules. When two gentlemen meet, the senior one should offer the handshake first. Seniority might be based on titles or age. If both men are equal in seniority, they both should go for the handshake.
For the handshake itself, Mr. Harrold instructs: “Two to three pumps, no more, no less.”
When a man meets a lady, it’s a different story.
4. You need the WiFi password. When should you ask for it?
A. While the host is greeting you at the door.B. After you finish greeting the host and guests.
C. After you settle in, 30 minutes or so.
D. At least 2 hours after you arrive.
“After all, it’s supposed to be a nice dining experience with good conversation,” he said.
He says this is one of the most common etiquette mistakes people make nowadays. People pay more attention to their mobile devices than to the people in front of them.
5. During dinner conversation, you have a differing opinion from another guest. How should you express it?
A. Yell to make sure your point is heard.B. Politely share your perspective without interrupting.
C. Ignore the conversation and focus on your food.
D. Insult the other person to prove your point.
6. You need to use the restroom. What’s the appropriate way to do so?
A. Ask the host for permission.B. Quietly excuse yourself and leave the table discreetly.
C. Leave without saying anything and hope nobody notices.
D. Announce that you need to use the toilet, and throw in a scatological joke to lighten the mood.
In terms of dining etiquette, the rule is that you should wait until after the main course to use the restroom. If it is a more casual dinner that won’t have many courses, wait at least 30 minutes after arriving.
7. What should you do with your napkin when you get up to use the restroom?
A. Take it with you to the restroom.B. Leave it folded next to your plate.
C. Place it on your chair.
D. Fold it into a swan and leave it as a centerpiece on the table.
If you leave it beside your plate, that means that you are done with dinner, or you’ve left for good and are not coming back.
(If you fold it into a swan, though, you might just get an extra dessert for creativity!)
8. You’re served a dish with ingredients that you dislike. What do you do?
A. Politely sample a small portion of the dish, and then comment on how full you already are.B. Eat whatever you like and leave everything you don’t like on the plate.
C. Discreetly feed the food to the family pet under the table.
D. Make a face and loudly proclaim, “Well, this looks interesting!” before taking a cautious bite.
9. Your hosts ask you to do something you find strange, like eating dessert first. How do you respond?
A. Ask them why they do things opposite of most people.B. Politely decline, citing a rare medical condition that prevents you from eating dessert in any order other than the one you’re accustomed to.
C. Ask them if they’re aware of the local customs regarding dessert, before following their lead.
D. Follow their request with a smile, making a mental note to do some research on the topic.
“In your home, you’ve got your own rules of how you do things. I’ve got my own rules of the way I like to do things. And that’s fine,” Mr. Harrold said. “We’re all kings and queens of our castles.”
10. How should you leave at the end of the event?
A. Sneak out the back door without saying goodbye.B. Shake hands with the host and other guests, thanking them for the evening.
C. Wave at the hosts and guests from a distance.
D. Give everyone a bear hug, even if they’re not into it.
So, how’d you do? Don’t worry if you didn’t achieve top marks. In case of doubt, remember not to focus on other people’s mistakes or differences, and simply smile, relax, and have a good time.
Bon appétit, and may your napkins stay firmly on your lap!