10 Questions That Will Reveal If You’re a Good Dinner Guest

A British butler schools us in proper dinner party manners.

(Oriana Zhang/The Epoch Times)

In today’s world, where making a good impression is key, understanding social etiquette is like having a special power. Luckily, we have butler Grant Harrold to show us how to navigate social situations with elegance and skill.

Mr. Harrold worked from 2004 to 2011 as a butler to King Charles III when he was Prince of Wales. As part of his duties, Mr. Harrold also attended to Queen Camilla; Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex; and Prince William and Kate Middleton, Princess of Wales when they were dating. Mr. Harrold now runs his own etiquette and butler school in the UK and is a well-known commentator on royal matters.

With Mr. Harrold’s help, we’ve put together a quiz to test your etiquette IQ as a casual dinner party guest. From nailing the greeting to properly handling the toilet seat (gentlemen, take note!), we'll cover it all. Let’s see who’s an etiquette pro and who might need a little help.

Suspect you’re among the latter? Fear not, dear reader. Mr. Harrold also reminds us that rigid rules and formalities are not the point. At its core, etiquette is simply about being kind, considerate, and respectful. Let’s rediscover the joy of kindness in a world that could certainly use more of it.

1. Dinner starts at 6 p.m. When should you arrive?

A. 5:30 p.m.—that way nobody will say you’re late.

B. 6 p.m. sharp. That’s what being punctual means!

C. Any time between 6 p.m. and 6:10 p.m. is fine.

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D. As a guest, you’re entitled to arrive whenever you want.

Answer: B. A good guest will arrive right on time, or a few minutes earlier, but never later.

“‘Fashionably late’ was an old saying,” Mr. Harrold said, but one that’s long outdated. “Try to arrive at the correct time.” Even a few minutes after the set time is still considered late. Being punctual is being respectful.

On the other hand, don’t arrive too early, either: The hosts might not be ready, still pulling together last-minute details.

Don't arrive so early that your hosts might still be getting the party ready. (The Good Brigade/Getty Images)

2. What should you wear for the occasion?

A. A full tuxedo or evening gown, because every dinner is a special occasion.

B. Since you’re among friends, jogging pants and a hoodie are totally fine.

C. A classic dress shirt and pants for men, or a nice dress for women.

D. A full suit of armor, just in case the spaghetti fight gets out of hand.

Answer: C. This combination never fails. But you should always defer to the situation: If the invitation specifies the dress code, you should follow it. If it doesn’t, consider the type of event and dress accordingly.

“You don’t have to put on your best clothes, but at least put something on that is appropriate,” Mr. Harrold said.

He always wears a tie by default, and if he sees that nobody else has one on, he removes it.

“It’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed. That is definitely very much a golden rule,” he said.

3. Upon arrival at the host’s home, what’s the appropriate greeting?

A. Give a handshake to the host and the other guests.

B. Slip in as discreetly as you can to avoid making a scene.

C. Find another guest you know and make a beeline to his or her side.

D. Nod in acknowledgment and head straight to the appetizers.

Be courteous and merrily greet your party hosts. (Maskot/Getty Images)

Answer: A. When arriving at any social meeting, you should greet everyone personally. If the host doesn’t introduce you to other guests, take it upon yourself to greet others.

“The handshake is very much a universal peace sign,” Mr. Harrold said. “It’s polite. It’s friendly. It’s showing that you don’t mean them any harm.”

However, there are some traditional rules. When two gentlemen meet, the senior one should offer the handshake first. Seniority might be based on titles or age. If both men are equal in seniority, they both should go for the handshake.

For the handshake itself, Mr. Harrold instructs: “Two to three pumps, no more, no less.”

When a man meets a lady, it’s a different story.

“Let her extend the handshake first; she’s got to offer it. After all, she is the lady,” Mr. Harrold said. If the lady prefers a cheek kiss, typically touching right cheek to right cheek, a gentleman should again wait for the lady to offer it first. The customs of cheek-kissing vary by culture, so follow the lady’s lead to be safe.

4. You need the WiFi password. When should you ask for it?

A. While the host is greeting you at the door.

B. After you finish greeting the host and guests.

C. After you settle in, 30 minutes or so.

D. At least 2 hours after you arrive.

Don't be so engrossed in your phone that you miss out on what's important: enjoying the company of those at the party. (twinsterphoto/Getty Images)

Answer: D. If you really need it, Mr. Harrold recommends waiting at least two hours before asking for the WiFi password because you should be focusing on your host and the other guests. Better yet, don’t ask for it.

“After all, it’s supposed to be a nice dining experience with good conversation,” he said.

He says this is one of the most common etiquette mistakes people make nowadays. People pay more attention to their mobile devices than to the people in front of them.

“It’s like you are miles away,” Mr. Harrold said. “In the olden days, you wouldn’t open up a newspaper in the middle of lunch or dinner. You just don’t do that.”

5. During dinner conversation, you have a differing opinion from another guest. How should you express it?

A. Yell to make sure your point is heard.

B. Politely share your perspective without interrupting.

C. Ignore the conversation and focus on your food.

D. Insult the other person to prove your point.

Be respectful and keep the dinner conversation enjoyable for everyone. (Tempura/Getty Images)

Answer: B. Ideally, you won’t start arguing at the table, as the conversation should be enjoyable. A good preventative measure is to avoid topics that could be controversial or offensive to others, such as sex, religion, politics, or money.

“What you don’t do is bring up any war, you don’t bring up politics, you don’t bring up ex-wives or ex-husbands,” Mr. Harrold advised. It’s better to stick to innocuous topics, such as the weather, travel, animals, and personal projects.

6. You need to use the restroom. What’s the appropriate way to do so?

A. Ask the host for permission.

B. Quietly excuse yourself and leave the table discreetly.

C. Leave without saying anything and hope nobody notices.

D. Announce that you need to use the toilet, and throw in a scatological joke to lighten the mood.

Answer: B. You don’t need to make a big announcement; just say, “Excuse me, I'll be right back.”

In terms of dining etiquette, the rule is that you should wait until after the main course to use the restroom. If it is a more casual dinner that won’t have many courses, wait at least 30 minutes after arriving.

After finishing your business, make sure to leave the restroom tidy, as you found it. For male guests, that means leaving the toilet seat down. As Mr. Harrold says, “It is a gentleman’s duty to lower the seat, not a lady’s job to raise it!”

7. What should you do with your napkin when you get up to use the restroom?

A. Take it with you to the restroom.

B. Leave it folded next to your plate.

C. Place it on your chair.

D. Fold it into a swan and leave it as a centerpiece on the table.

Answer: C. According to the language of napkins, when you leave it on your chair, it means you are coming back, so the host or waitstaff will still serve you the next course in your absence.

If you leave it beside your plate, that means that you are done with dinner, or you’ve left for good and are not coming back.

(If you fold it into a swan, though, you might just get an extra dessert for creativity!)

Learn the language of the dinner napkin to signal to your host when and if you'll return to the table. (Daniel Cortez/Getty Images)

8. You’re served a dish with ingredients that you dislike. What do you do?

A. Politely sample a small portion of the dish, and then comment on how full you already are.

B. Eat whatever you like and leave everything you don’t like on the plate.

C. Discreetly feed the food to the family pet under the table.

D. Make a face and loudly proclaim, “Well, this looks interesting!” before taking a cautious bite.

Answer: A. Remember that the first rule of etiquette is to be kind to others, so if you don’t like the food, you shouldn’t make your host feel bad about it. If you really can’t swallow it, try to find an excuse, like you are already full, or that you are saving some room for dessert.

Of course, this applies to disliking the dish, not to allergies or other dietary restrictions. In those cases, make sure you let the host know of any specific dietary needs when you accept the invitation.

9. Your hosts ask you to do something you find strange, like eating dessert first. How do you respond?

A. Ask them why they do things opposite of most people.

B. Politely decline, citing a rare medical condition that prevents you from eating dessert in any order other than the one you’re accustomed to.

C. Ask them if they’re aware of the local customs regarding dessert, before following their lead.

D. Follow their request with a smile, making a mental note to do some research on the topic.

Answer: D. When you are a guest, you should respect the way your hosts do things.

“In your home, you’ve got your own rules of how you do things. I’ve got my own rules of the way I like to do things. And that’s fine,” Mr. Harrold said. “We’re all kings and queens of our castles.”

Don’t question other people’s customs. Even if you think they’re doing something the wrong way, “It’s best just to say nothing and let them carry on,” Mr. Harrold said.

10. How should you leave at the end of the event?

A. Sneak out the back door without saying goodbye.

B. Shake hands with the host and other guests, thanking them for the evening.

C. Wave at the hosts and guests from a distance.

D. Give everyone a bear hug, even if they’re not into it.

After having a delightful time, be sure to graciously thank your hosts before departing. (Rawpixel/Getty Images)

Answer: B. Just as you did upon arrival, be sure to greet everyone appropriately. Traditionally, you should send the host a note or email a couple of days later, thanking them for the dinner and telling them how much you enjoyed the evening.

So, how’d you do? Don’t worry if you didn’t achieve top marks. In case of doubt, remember not to focus on other people’s mistakes or differences, and simply smile, relax, and have a good time.

Bon appétit, and may your napkins stay firmly on your lap!